My husband of 30 years was diagnosed with ADHD last year. This happened after what he calls a 'breakdown'. He basically just closed off to me and the family and moved out/disappeared while I was pregnant. He said everyone had too many expectations on him to behave in a certain way and he had been struggling with the rigidity of family life.
He seemed to become obsessed with his mind and psychology. Researching as much as he could about himself and others. Eventually he returned home and had self diagnosed himself with ADHD. He saw a doctor who confirmed the diagnosis.
Once he had the diagnosis he seemed a lot better. I think it comforted him to have a name to call it. He had been managing symptoms without medication and had family support, we all accepted the diagnosis. Although he started exercising and was limiting caffeine he was finding kicking the alcohol addiction a lot harder. He decided to seek medication in order to help him with this.
Saw the doctor who put him on amfexa. He immediately took too much... he was meant to be on 5mg 3 times a day, but instead he has been taking 80/90 from the start.
He's been awake and unable to sleep since taking it... now taking melatonin to aid with sleep. He is up most nights till 2/3am researching more about the mind. He's analysing everyone he knows. He doesn't speak about anything else and it really is constant, he's even stopped working and is just researching all day.
It might be a coincidence this coincided with the start of the amfexa, because I think his mind has never really recovered from the original breakdown, but I am worried about him. To me it seems all consuming.
He has now decided that he has aspergers and gets very angry if anyone suggests that maybe he doesn't have this. He's also labelling everyone he knows with a disorder. In my opinion he seems unable to stop.
I suggested going back to the doctor to speak about how he is feeling, but he says that nothing is wrong, that it's not the medication causing him any side effects, and that he has clarify at last and can understand the problems in his life were all due to aspergers. But his personality seems different, maybe it has been different since the breakdown rather than the new medication, I'm not sure, but something doesn't seem right.
I'm not even sure what I am asking to be honest, I just wondered if anyone had any advice and if this is usual with this medication or if this is usual for ADHD or whether I should be worried or not? thank you!
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strawberrysorbet
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Sorry I’m not sure what to say to be helpful. It would be hard to know what to do or how to respond from your perspective. I get kind of obsessed with interests sometimes, then it dies off- and that can be pretty typical of ADHD. So possibly he just needs to exhaust his interest that’s been spiked at the moment.
I’m sure him labelling everyone is kind of annoying to listen to. But maybe good is coming out of it as well- you know like self awareness and finally being able to understand what’s going on for him, have you done much reading yourself in relation to ADHD/ Aspergers etc? Maybe trying to engage in positive conversation about what he’s learning and uncovering could be helpful (and help this obsessive research phase pass?)
We ADHDers can be difficult to understand and get on with sometimes. We tend to hyperfocus and become obsessed with any number of things, which we become 'experts' on, before moving on to the next obsession! I've been there myself and I'm aware I'm doing it but can't stop, it's just as frustrating for us as it is for those who have to listen to us going on about it! I can't comment on that medication because I've never taken that particular one, but anything that changes the way your brain functions has the potential to change behaviour for the better or worse, or both. As it's a stimulant, it could be making him agitated but it's best to get advice from a doctor, they might want to adjust his medication and/or dose. The stimulant medications are much more effective for most people than the non stimulants but there are different ones to try and a significant minority of people do respond better to non stimulants. It's worth discussing with the doctor as the right medication can make all the difference. I'd get that drinking problem seen to as a priority if I were you, people with ADHD often have addictive personalities and if we are diagnosed late we have usually been self medicating and developing unhelpful coping mechanisms. These habits are hard to break so he will probably need a lot of help with that. It's possible that he may have Asperger's as there is a high incidence of co-morbidity but it's best to get it checked out by a professional who is fully trained and qualified to diagnose autism spectrum disorder. Also, if you have children with him, keep an eye out for any possible ADHD characteristics in them as it's very hereditary and always best treated as early as possible. I hope some of that is helpful, it's partly based on my own experience and partly down to my obsessive amount of research just before and just after I was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago just before I turned 36. It's wreaked havoc in my life so I try to do as much as I can now to stop it doing further damage to my life. I think my younger daughter, aged 10, also has ADHD so I'm keen to get her diagnosed and treated ASAP. My older daughter, aged 15 has autism spectrum disorder, including aspergers and I think she gets that from their Dad, although he doesn't want to be assessed. It's important to bear in mind that you can advise and support your husband, but as an adult he is ultimately responsible for himself. That might be very frustrating for you but he's the one living this reality and it's difficult to know where to start when your brain function is impaired. It's a complex disorder and if you can learn more about it, you will be able to understand your husband more, even if you find him impossible sometimes!
Thanks for both of your replies, I really do appreciate it - I'm learning a lot but it's still very hard for me to understand.
He's been researching more and is now saying that he doesn't have ADHD at all, that we all have different levels of disorders - 'autism is the human condition' and that he now doesn't need any medication or treatment he says he just needs to learn to 'feel'.
I think I'm going to see if i can get him to see the doctor.
Hi, it sounds like you both have been on quite the journey. I am hopeful for you both that your husband's condition gets fully understood and properly treated. As stated above, we ADHDers can make life interesting for those who love us. After reading everything you wrote, I am wondering if your husband was assessed for another possible diagnosis. A mood disorder could be in the mix.
If you can, get him to go back to the doctor, but this time, make sure it is a psychiatrist. Please tell the doctor everything. Not sure if it would change anything, but, who knows? It may confirm your husband's diagnosis or, identify something else. Also, a psychiatrist may have more information about available resources to support your husband as well as your family. Either way, I am rooting for you all! Good Luck!
This is not typical for ADHD. He's become obsessed to the point where he doesn't perform his job. This seems like more than OCD...
A psychiatrist told me he thinks I have ADHD and exactly what your husband is doing, I do. But not all of the time, it usually comes in slates, but can ruin my whole year, because I take time off work whilst obsessing
I’m sorry I didn’t reply with an update, but in case this is helpful for anyone else that comes across my post in the future, I thought I would leave an update now. My husband was actually abusing his medication and illegal drugs. He was in psychosis when he was behaving like this. He went into rehab for around 6 months and now for his adhd is only treated with bupropion because the addiction risk is too high for him. It’s taken us a long time to work through this all, and for him to be in recovery but he’s been clean now for over 4 years. It never occurred to me at the time that he was abusing drugs, but reading this back, I can’t see how I missed it, so I’m posting this in case it helps anyone else.
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