hi, I'm new here and I feel stuck.

[Cyrano_de_Bergerac]

Hey,

So, I've been trying to figure out what to say, what is important, and I feel incapable.

Best to start simple. I'm 36, and feel a failure. 100s of ideas and unstarted projects litter my mind. My wife wants me to finish my work, find what makes me happy and do it. Find a goal and do it.

I don't know that i really have a goal. School was a struggle to pass, but i did. I did go to college, all and all a good experience, aside from the financial nightmare it's left me in.

It helped make me who i am, but still was a struggle to pass, but i did.

That was 2006. I feel like I've been rudderless ever since. I've gotten married, settled down, tried to do work... Like adults do.

As usual for myself i have felt my failing. Falling back on usual thoughts of just being lazy, and not trying hard enough.

Roughly 4 years ago, a therapist i was finally seeing, after trying to deal with esteem and anxiety issues asked me if I'd ever been tested for ADHD?

No... I hadn't

A discussion of my history, and a history discussion with my wife and the doctor perscribes me some Adderall.

The effect was almost immediate. And i was amazed! I thought i could take on the world! Where was this all my life? 32 and only now i am getting something that helps.

But that was it. I reached a point where i learned that my medication is of course not a cure. My focus is easier directed, but my thoughts still wonder, my emotions will wash me down hills of pointless spirals if I'm in a bad place. And when my meds wear off, or if i forget to get my prescription or i can't afford the price tag, i am back...

What do i want? I want connection. I want to feel less alone. To find what i need, what i have neglected, or what i was never told or taught.

Decades of negative self talk to unlearn. Realizing that my brain is wired this way. What "should work", and all the "trying harder" in the world will not change my biology. Let's just say it's been slow going.

But I want to find what i need to take steps forward. Share, and talk to others.

Thanks.

[lisariver]

I too had the negative self talk to unlearn, so I'm glad to hear youre aware of it and want to change it! I've really come a long way on that in particular. But you can rewire your brain. I was reading about that a lot last year, I had a couple of books on it, I can remember one author, Joe Dispenza. He's really good, imho. There are some others too that have slipped my mind. I think it's good you've reached out, it's important we don't fall into isolation, I think that would only exacerbate our symptoms.

[Cyrano_de_Bergerac in reply to lisariver]

I will be looking up Joe Deispenza, thank you. Like i said i think i have some catching up todo.

My medication has helped a lot, but there's a life bundled up with my diagnoses and my life with my wife i want to make better.

There is so much that i haven't known. That, for example, my emotional reactions, which several people through my life have said are over reactive or that I'm sensitive, are a part of my ADHD. Not just another failing.

I've been listening to "Delivered from distraction" and more stuff by Dr. Ned Hallowell. But it was the youtube channel Howtoadhd that really help make me want to do more.

I'm trying to figure what i need out, but feel somewhat unguided.

I feel like i need a lot of work.

I'm glad that i have resources, and some grounds to start traipsing through.

I'm quiet. This is actually the first time I've tried a chatroom in this regard.

Thank you for reaching out LisaRiver. I appreciate it.

[susanstrong]

Wow....what you just said sums up me exactly! You are not alone! I struggle everyday and I feel like it has gotten worse as I get older! What is especially difficult is now our kids aren't little anymore and I feel like I am always being judged and that they don't look up to me because I struggle to just take care of myself. When they were little it was easier for me to just put aside all my "stuff" and "thoughts" because I didn't have time. I was taking care of the kids. I as well have so many ideas running through my head but don't know how to make anything happen! I have never been able to have a plan, schedule,set goals and it's so devastating....I feel defeated all the time! My husband doesn't know how to help me. I have seen a therapist and of course stopped going to her because she couldn't help me. I feel like it's a full time job just to figure out what to do along with just trying to keep up with daily life! I'm not trying to be negative...I just don't know what to do anymore!

[dgs2018]

I can relate to much of what you are saying here, although I'm unmarried and have no kids. Your brain is wired differently and most ADHDers have heard all the negative comments about their behavior and lack of achievement,etc. during their life. How do you feel less alone and connect with others? That's a pretty tall task. First of all, connect with yourself (no, I mean that actually). You may have to take time to write out "Who I am". You have achievements, skills, and abilities that are not recognized or brought up enough to bolster your self-esteem. Keep a journal to materialize your thoughts and refer back to this journal. Your base worth can't be based on emotions or the opinions of others which rise and fall and quite often leave you feeling "rudderless". No, you've got talents and things to do which are worthwhile. I'm preaching to the choir here. Don't misunderstand me, none of this is easy and don't expect others to always be the wind that pushes your sails forward. Keep on plowing ahead!

[susanstrong in reply to dgs2018]

Thank you so much for replying to me! I really appreciate your advice! It's funny that you mention to keep a journal because being ADD I have like 10 journals that I will start writing in and then start a new one...and I have no idea why?? That just makes me overwhelmed because I should just have one journal...lol!!! It's so freaking crazy!!! You are right about not listening to the opinion of others! I have had such a difficult time with friends...I thought that I had a good friend but she was so judgmental and not supportive at all! It would take a long time for me to explain that whole story! I miss my friends that know and get me! We moved to Ohio 8 years ago and I still miss my friends from where I grew up!

[Cyrano_de_Bergerac]

Finished a book called "The ADHD Effect on Marriage." (Thank god for audible!) Started feeling like crying because i saw myself and my wife in it almost too much. I love her, i want to make things work, it feels hard because i feel like we speak two different languages, or we forget that neither of us has esp... I'm bouncing from one idea to the next. It gives seemingly helpful advice, but it seems to require that both of us read the book and attempt to put things into practice to work... And she seems too busy for that. She also seems to blame me for the apartment being in it's current state, my aloofness, or focus on something important to me I've just learned or found amazing proves i don't care, or i don't know what else. We have a long way to go.

I have been on meds for only 4ish years and had the thought for a while once i started them thinking "I'm good now, right?"

Nope... So much more to do yet. I am seeing a therapist, but really, I've been focused on my hurt feelings and not wanting to leave my wife, that ADHD never really came up. The therapist that diagnosed me originally, retired...

I want to see about a specialist. A doc. Who specializes in ADHD treatment, or a coach.

I wish i could work at one thing at a time, work, relationships, friendships, family, everything else. but life doesn't seem to want to give me that option.

I'm glad to find some decent resources so i can feel like I'm gaining some knowledge at least. Effort doesn't always produce results.

[StoneJeweler]

The right medications help, but you will not be like other "Normal" people. As you learn about your`ADD self, you will find out about all the amazing things you are able to do, and also other things that you wish you could change. Check out all the people who have it like Presidents, celebrities of all kinds.You'll be amazed about who you will find. Love and embrace who you are! Your an Amazing human being! Find out what things you would like to change about your self and how to go about it