Hi. I was diagnosed last year, late in life, with ADHD. That wasn't a surprise, just finally decided to do something about it. Part of my problem is both hyperfocus and becoming obsessed with anyone that pays me attention. I am very, very insecure, an introvert, and at time perfectly happy with coming home on Friday from work and not seeing or talking to anyone other than family until Monday. I have friends, and a couple of close friends, but no one who I feel comfortable talking to about my perception of myself and how I crave attention.
Honestly sometimes I don't know how I am keeping my job because I can lose focus on it and focus on other things (or people).
Am I the only one experiencing this??
Thanks.
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PinkSurvivor
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Well, I can say for sure that your not the only one.
I was diagnosed a few years ago, at age 45, with the Inattentive presentation of ADHD.
My own traits include:
• inattentiveness
• distractibility
• working memory issues
• time blindness/variable sense of time
• occasional hyperfocus
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Let me ask a question which is specific to the "hyperfocus and becoming obsessed with anyone that pays me attention" statement.
Do you really mean "anyone", or to you mean "anyone [you] find attractive/appealing"?
If you mean literally "anyone", then perhaps it's directly tied to your insecurity.
• I'm also insecure (and introverted) by nature, and there have been many times in my life that I was so starved for validation that I'd let people manipulate me, just because they were acknowledging my presence.
- (It was a narcissistic boss and a bad work situation that broke my spirit a few times to finally free me from that tendency.)
If you mean that you become obsessed with certain people whom you find appealing who are paying attention to you, and being hyperfocused on that individual for long periods of time (weeks, months, years), it might be something else entirely.
Well, maybe I don't get obsessed with most people, but I do get captivated by them in the moment... The rest of the world seems to fade a lot, and I focus almost exclusively on the person in front of me. (I'm sure that's why I gravitate to customer service types of roles.)
I figured out a long time ago that I tend to want attention because of insecurities. Since cancer, I had thought I had tucked that away and was fine with being alone and not having attention. I don't know what or why but that's changed in the last couple of weeks and I need it to go back to the way it was.
I’m in the same boat. I’ve reached a point where it’s time to take action and I’m feeling like I’m coming to terms with my destiny. The universe is throwing a lot of these “coincidences” right now. TBH, I’m yearning to seek God’s validation. I’m 54 and have had nearly as many jobs which makes me fairly well-rounded, but, my scatterbrain has shattered my confidence and chaffed my nerves. I’m injured but, I refuse to become a victim. I am meant to be a warrior so I’ve just begun to get going. Today was my first therapy session through BetterHelp. I’ve scheduled an appointment with my a general practitioner nurse to get referral to a Doc to get on some meds. I’m praying for a closer relationship with Jesus and gonna get back to the Bible. I’m planning to sell some possessions to allow me some time to go bikepack the entire Arizona Trail to clear my head and tackle a big goal to get a nice solid W to begin anew.
If you’d like someone to keep in touch with, hit me up. ☮️
I rely on Jesus and I believe and know He's there. And can I tell you something it's taken me a long time to learn? God loves you no matter what so you don't have to seek His validation. This is good for me as I let obsessive behavior sometimes get in the way of listening to Him.
Great point that we don't have to seek God's validation.
I hadn't really thought about it in those terms, but I recognize that from my youth through my early 20s, I really did feel like I had to seek His validation. Even though I knew from a very early age that God loves me, it took a long, long time before I realized that He likes me, too. I don't have to do great things to earn His favor. It starts with simply loving Him, too, and accepting that I'm lovable.
It's the same for all of us. And yet, we seem to need to learn the same lessons again and again in life.
I understand. Even though u know I do not have to seek His validation, you don't know how many times when something goes wrong I still wonder what I did to make God mad. And when something good happens, I think God is happy with me. Sometimes I think that my early years in church is what led to this way of thinking. I really don't know. But it is a process of learning to break free from it.
I also do now believe that people with ADHD tend to seek validation more so than others. Or I know I do in my case. It would be interesting to see how many diagnosed with ADHD also suffer from insecurities and have people pleasing traits.
Thanks for sharing, AZTerrahawk . I certainly hope that the therapy and referral help out.
I'm also a believer, and trust that the Lord will continue to guide me, to direct me in the way I should go, and ton continue to provide what's needed for me and my loved ones.
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BTW- this site has the option for private chat. I recommend use you use that for sharing your email address, because even though this site is supposed to be for members only, I've discovered that a lot of the regular posts can be searched from Google and probably other search engines as well.
in a way… I’m concerned about being harassed at work by my team mates and supervisor. I’m hyper fixated on it even though I’m doing my job just fine. The other people are constantly judging and talking behind my back, but anyone I have asked for assistance, it gets back to my supervisor and she berates me again. His is why turnover is so bad at my school. 10 people since January, and we have maybe. 50 people there altogether.im contacting corporate for my ada papers and for harassment since I don’t feel like I should be under a microscope. It’s my first year teaching too.
It's a wonder to me that such high turnover hasn't raised a red flag with the organization's administration.That kind of toxic management never has a good outcome. It's been proven time and time again, and prominent voices have called for it to stop.
I've been following an author on LinkedIn for a few years now who writes about leadership and HR topics. She recently did a poll of her followers asking if they had ever had a toxic boss. There were over 23,000 votes, with the results of 94% 'yes', 6% 'no'.
• (My take on it is that the 6% are either new to the workforce, or they are the toxic managers.)
You'd think that in our modern world more could be done about this phenomenon.
I agree. I’ve raised red flag to HR about both ADA and harassment. Telling anyone in the building is getting me burned by my supervisor, but I’m not going to talk to anyone but my 2 besties at this point.
I just got off my appt with my long term counselor. She’s researched for 2 hours about ada law and working on my paperwork. She plans to have it done by the end of the day so I can send it on. She’s also appalled that my supervisor is asking for me to recall information done verbally. I’m just glad I’m getting my butt covered since she obviously doesn’t seem to understand adhd and the drawbacks we have with it. It’s even more sad that she’s working as a special ed supervisor in a school. I mean, kids with adhd grow up to be adults with adhd. We do have drawbacks but we have a lot of strengths with kids too. I mean they feel validated and will try harder if we are real with them about our drawbacks and strengths.
My counselor will have me be given diagrams and visuals with paper copies of important things instead of the 100+ links that I’m supposed to be able to fish through for the information I need. That way my supervisor can’t say “all you need is on the website” that is so much info that she should be saying “I see you’re still struggling on classroom management. Here is our tier system (visual paper copy). You can find more about it in this link on our website” instead she says that when I say I dont understand the management they do here “it’s up to you if you want to do a think sheet” and “knowing this isn’t going to be a magic want for your classroom”.
Oh, btw, he principal showed my concern email to my supervisor and she berated me on that email because he actually showed her it. She even mentioned “I see you even CCd the HR people”. When I am asking for information I’m going to too many people but I am told to try and solve my own problems. But when my seasoned coworkers are literally saying “she’s a f***ing adult” loud enough to be heard by another coworker with a closed door, it’s ok? The seasoned worker was talking about me at our PD on Monday. I honestly think she is bipolar or ocd. When we left chairs out, she was slamming them into the tables where she wanted them.
I just can’t get the information in fast enough. I don’t want to lose another job… the best paying one I’ve ever had. It’s just a lot of information that should have been in onboarding and wasn’t because my supervisor has more than 20 people she’s supervising.
It sounds like your counselor is taking a helpful approach.
But it also sounds like the principal doesn't know how to properly handle situations like this. They should never have showed the email to your supervisor. The email itself should have been treated as confidential, while the principal or HR or both should have addressed the concerns you have voice to with directed feedback to your supervisor.
Definitely document that response that you got from your supervisor that they were shown the email and their comment about it being CC'd to HR. That is entirely your right to do so, and their comment shows that they are bothered by that. If they are bothered by it, they might be primed to try to retaliate...and retaliation is 100% illegal.
• Tread carefully, and document all of your interactions with your supervisor. For anything that's seems clearly like retaliation (extra work, exclusion from important meetings, whatever), inform HR.
Here's a video that I just watched about dealing with toxic bosses.
The problem with charter schools is that they often don't have much oversight, besides themselves. I know of two (the one I worked at and another that was started by relatives of people I worked with) that practiced nepotism, in defiance of their own policies against nepotism...and that's how under-qualified people wound up in influential positions.
You are not alone in the way you feel PinkSurvivor! You just described me to a tee! Sometimes I barely keep in touch with family. I stay inside too much! Once I am out I am fine but it is such job to try to keep a connection with anyone! I tend to hyperfocus or spend all day with ideas that I do nothing!
Ohhh that is so me. I will go for awhile and not text anyone and then just out of the blue start texting people. Those that are really close to me know that that's the way I am so they do not get offended.
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