For a long time I have thought I might have adhd. I can't be sure, but most of the criteria feels relatable. I don't want to say I have adhd without having an official diagnosis, but I was hoping maybe I could ask for some support here as I haven't really discussed this with my family or friends, because to them it looks like most of my life is in perfect order and I think they would just shrug it off.
To me though, the pressure of adult responsibilities feels like it's crippling my mind. I look like I have my shit togheter on the outside, but on the inside my mind is racing and it's a struggle with guilt, intrusive thoughts and alot of anger.
I hate change and prefer to keep things as is. I like my life to be predictable, but my wife has so many plans and ideas for us. When she starts talking about changes to the house or how she would like to do this or that, I feel my palms getting sweaty and I know we're gonna end up in a heated argument where no one is a winner.
I procrastinate and the list of things I should be doing is just getting longer and longer. I have alot of half finished projects around the house that needs to be done, but I don't know how to even start, so I just put it off instead.
I have problems with controlling my temper and it hurts my family life. Quite often I'm being told that if I can't find another way to communicate this won't last.
I want to ask my GP, for a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist, but I feel like my issues aren't severe enough. I never even go to the doctor, so the guy dosent know me either. I wouldn't even know what to say. Im afraid he'll just reject me as it seems my life is in order.
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NordicBet
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I experienced a lot of the same struggles that you described. I also was very distractible, usually unable to focus, and would forget things a lot. I had the same struggles going back to my youth, but didn't get diagnosed until I was 45.
My wife also liked to change things up. (New interests, changing activities, moving things around the house, and a bit of a "keeping up with the Joneses" mindset.) We are no longer married (she divorced me, but not because of my ADHD).
I was "masking" all my life, up until that point, trying to appear as normal as I could. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to have a "normal" life. My ADHD diagnosis gave me a big sense of relief that I wasn't just lazy or undisciplined. (I KNEW how much effort I was putting into trying to keep up with the demands of life, and I had TRIED to improve myself many, many ways...with little result to show for it.)
But once I started on ADHD meds and stopped expecting myself to fit in as "normal", I started to do better with a lot of things. My mental health is certainly doing much better now. I weathered a lot of life challenges in recent years that would have crippled me before my ADHD diagnosis.
NordicBet there are so many of us who have lived with struggles, anxiety and depression for many years, because we felt like our "issues aren't severe enough".
Let me put it this way...if you have persistent issues, then they are severe enough.
An easy to grasp analogy is this: I'm nearsighted, so I need to wear glasses. Without glasses, I can only see things clearly that are close to me, like books. I could read the driver's license manual, but would have to guess taking an eye test. If I somehow pass the eye test and got a license without wearing glasses, I might be able to drive, but I wouldn't be a good driver. I'd probably mis-read cues from other drivers, and I'd make wrong turns all the time because I couldn't read street signs. So, I'm better off having a diagnosis of nearsightedness, and I'm better off getting prescription glasses to improve how I function in life.
ADHD is much the same...getting a diagnosis and adequate treatment can greatly improve the quality of life for you and your family, while helping you to function more effectively at work and in your social circles.
Well done for reaching out, you are not alone. I can only speak for the UK but getting psychology support from the doctor can often be challenging. Where I live there is an ADHD support group, maybe there is one near you? From your message it feels like there is a lot of tensions in your life which is very common for neurodivergents. You talk about the need for routine and hating change, these are traits often aligned with autism. Have you done any of the online tests for adhd and autism? I invested a lot of time finding out as much as possible before I was diagnosed. The most important thing is not to do nothing as that will only make matters worse. There are people who will want to help you.
Start tracking your symptoms, whats working what is not. Then show it to healthcare and explain how you cant manage it, it will help in creating a communication paradigm between you and health care. It might be able to expedite the discovery and understanding phase from your health care provider!
You are not alone. It was already mentioned, but finding a support group is a great place to start. Support groups are free and a wonderful place to begin building community. CHADD has in-person and virtual support groups (chadd.org/affiliate-locator).
If you are searching for someone to equip you with tools to manage your ADHD symptoms, working with an ADHD or executive function coach is the move. You can learn more about ADHD and EF coaching on the websites below.
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