Hi there, This is my first time posting here. I just joined. I am currently feeling so very frustrated. I am on medication (ritalin) which has worked wonders. Do to scheduling stuff I was without my full dosage today and yesterday. I have messed up so much and my husband can't stop berating me for it. The more he calls me out on the stuff the worse I feel about myself and the more I mess up. It's terrible. I am stuck in an endless cycle currently. I am literally staying awake as long as I can because if I don't I'll lay in bed anxiously expecting him to come up and yell at me for something else. I want to scream, I want to cry. I have stuff I need to get for school (I'm a teacher), but with this hanging over me I am finding it extra difficult to focus. I feel just very all over the place and I hate it. I can't say anything because when I get this unbalanced I can't control my anger...any help..
I'm new and currently very on edge - CHADD's Adult ADH...
CHADD's Adult ADHD Support
Hi, I don't know if this will help or not, but you may want to try deep breathing. Also, this ADHD forum is very soothing at times. Welcome to the forum.
I was you about 10 years ago. My then husband & I had 2 boys. And I stayed in that relationship until I couldn't. Even after I left it took me quite awhile to be able to fall asleep knowing he wasn't there to wait for me to fall asleep and then come in shouting obscenities & belittling me. As our boys grew the oldest would get in front of him when he was charging at me. I was always scared and nervous and that could be why you forget to take your meds. I have just changed antidepressants. The one that I was on for 7 to 9 years was the strongest out there. I was on 300 mg daily. But I recently realized that being on that med was making me feel numb. I wasn't happy, but wasn't sad at the same time I felt no emotion and I still had periods of crying but I didn't know or understand why I was getting them. That is worse than knowing. Makes a person feel crazy. At any rate, earlier this year I asked for the med to be changed. I am now on 30 mg of a generic something or another. But I am making an appointment bc after being on this for 4 months, I literally feel like everyone is telling me that I am a failure. People who knew me on the Effexor would grin & bare my attitude, which was never there before. Sorry to talk about myself. I can't just tell you to get out of that relationship because I know it is not that easy. And I would always want the person feeling hurt or angry to stand up tall and not just for herself/himself but for any children bc that is the hardest part if you have children. I had to explain to these little boys before I walked out of my house. I hurt for years afterwards because I missed so many years with them.
First of all: welcome to the group!
Second: it sounds like you are really stressed. It mught help you if you could get out if the house/office/school and do something that you enjoy. Try to relax a little. I had a period of time where I was just working nonstop 24/7 and I just got more and more stressed and it made my ADHD worse.
Lastly: I am certainly no expert, but your marriage doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. I’m not gonna pretend to know how to fix that part of your situation because I don’t know how, but I would not suggest leaving it alone.
Best of luck with everything! Don’t forget that whatever you do you have a community here that will support you.
I would strongly agree with happy_kitty about finding something that YOU really enjoy and then finding ways to do that on a consistent basis. What gives you deep satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment? Maybe you can brainstorm some ideas with close friends. Don't give up the journey and keep moving on with your life. Happy day to you.
hi there, welcome to the community. I'm sorry you are so stressed. There is some good advice given to you on this forum, the only thing I would like to add is that your spouse needs to be supportive of your ADHD struggles, not judgmental and critical. Suggest you both see an ADHD specializing therapist if you can find one.
Any chance of getting your husband to learn about ADHD and learn his actions are not going to accomplish anything positive regarding your memory, behavior, etc.? There’s info on ADDitude.com that includes info for spouses of persons with ADHD.
You could find a therapist who experienced with ADHD. Make it your priority to find help and support. It’s not fun or easy doing it alone. And your husband talking the way he does sounds like total bullshit, where did he ever think it’s acceptable to act talk like that to someone, he needs to be straighten out. You said your afraid to speak up because you’ll get angry that something you’re Therapist could also help you with communication. Hang in there. Please don’t allow the man your sharing your life with talk to you treat you that way. It hurts your soul and doesn’t help you get better
I’m sorry to hear that your husband is berating you for your condition you didn’t ask for. Why does he yell at you when you are in bed? This all sounds awful to me, I have to say. He’s not helping helping your condition at all, I must say.
I mess up so much and I’m sometimes stunned with how much my man tolerates, but he knows what is going on and is sympathetic, it helps a lot. I’m not saying that I’m in the most perfect relationship, of course we have out ups and downs, like everyone else.
Maybe you guys can find some good videos about ADHD on YouTube, I recommend Dr. Russel Barkley. It may help your husband understand your condition better and be kinder to you. I would loose it too completly if I had someone yelling at me, especially if I was in bed.
I think he recognizes that he is in the wrong when he does what he does, we are all a work in progress, right? I will look into that video. We enjoy youtube videos.
Love the input above. I would add that it may be helpful to explain to your husband that you are as frustrated as he is when things don’t go well. A little empathy for how hard it can be is also important. (I noticed you said you can’t control your anger so it’s unclear whether you yell too or how you respond.) AND making it clear that yelling makes your ability to function impossible and setting a boundary that unless he can connect from love and compassion, that he needs to find another way to self soothe when he’s frustrated. You are being a role model by caring for yourself. 🙏🏻 So important to send positive chems to the struggling brain!!!
I can actually say I feel the same way. It’s scary and crazy. Don’t know your situation but your husband sounds like a jerk. I live with the same crap. If I am depressed he is a little understanding. Then when I feel good and start doing things he criticizes every thing. I say to him “do you want me to go back and lay in bed depressed “ jerk. Ugh
You should go to a doctor if you feel you need to. Good luck!
Find a therapist the two of you can go see. He’s being emotionally abusing to you. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with a man your husband that is hurting you this way. Please do whatever you have to to make it clear this not how you treat anyone and that you both need to see a therapist. When I was younger before I had ever been to a therapist I thought people who saw therapist were crazy people. Hopefully he doesn’t have that mind set. Because it will be difficult to get him to go. But I hope you put your foot down because it needs to stop
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