Struggling in general

[Knowingme]

Firstly I would like to say how amazing everyone is telling their own stories.

I have messed up my life over the last 2.5 years. I don't know why and how and have no explanations or excuses.

I was diagnosed with ADHD about year and half ago and was told sorry it hasn't been picked up sooner and you have had to cope with it all your life.

I'm an addiction freak and very impulsive even it causes harm to everyone else. I have lost my family from cheating, lying and gambling which is my own fault and have no excuses. I'm not sharing this for sympathy or forgiveness from what I have done. Like I say there is no excuses. I have all the major traits from being hyperactive, not sleeping, always looking for something better, worthless, no self love, can't forcus, 100 miles an hour, brain ticks over as if I'm in a silent movie constantly.

I'm currently taking medication for my sleep, depression and ADHD. But I still can't cope with all my problems. Is it just me, am I just built this may and just a horrible person or does the diagnosis have anything to do with it I really don't know.

Every tells me that all your problems are you own doing and you have to own it, I do own it and I take full responsibility for all the heart ache ive caused.

I don't want to be this person any more I don't like what I have been and even though I tell myself that I am the only one that can help me. I can't and just feel all alone. Maybe I deserve to be alone and maybe karmas just biting back at me.

Like I say not asking for sympathy or making excuses everything I have done in my life is my own doing and it's all on me, I get it.

Well that's my new story and I want to move on, better myself and make a new story again.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post

Big love to you all

[Gettingittogether]

You need to get to therapy and a support group for your addictions, even if you're not in active addiction right now.

We are responsible for our lives, yes. Well actually that's a complicated question and the fact is we don't choose our parents and we don't choose where we are born or the community around us or our biology or what's going on in the society when we come out.

And we don't choose our genetics.

Now, we are not powerless over our lives, meaning we do have SOME power to shape our lives. That's a reasonable statement. But shaping our lives is harder for some people than others. ADHD is definitely a devastating block against shaping our lives. Can we overcome that? Yes, but only with tons of good treatment and therapy and coaching and on and on. We can't just "willpower" our way out any more than my relative who had schizophrenia could willpower his way out of not hearing voices.

Meds are not enough. And if you've been addict (addictions run in my family) absolute TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY MEDS ARE NOT ENOUGH.

You got do therapy and support groups and ideally coaching. And you're going to have to read up on the condition.

[Rocko_35]

sounds like you’re hard on yourself. I know the feeling too well.

When the world comes crashing down, natural inclination is to jump and fix everything at the same time, but it’s probably best to focus on one problem at a time using SMART method of achieving goals.

I don’t prescribe to karma, but I do believe you reap what you sow. However, I do believe there is always time for redemption.

[Knowingme in reply to Rocko_35]

Thanks for the reply. Yes your right there we just have to move forward and work on ourselves and not bottle it all up. Becoming a better person on the way

[Hominid711]

Find something to occupy your mind. A job, volunteering or distraction for negative revolving thoughts, another human or a dog to look after for emotions. You could combine those, thought and emotion food. Walk a lot or take up a sport or dancing for fun and closeness or exercise for your own physique and watch that body to take shape if it's what you can get yourself into. Make a list of what you can imagine divided into brain and heart. Try out what comes to your mind, join a group for social warmth and fun and set goals once you feel ready you can persist at one thing for the sense of achievement we all need. Start with one or two things. Move on to the next if it isn't rewarding or if it's boring. Speaking from experience.

[Knowingme in reply to Hominid711]

Thanks for your reply. It's crazy cause up untill about 4 years ago I was doing all the things I adviced. But some how along the way I lost my way, I don't know why or how and have no excuses for it. News to find myself again if you get me

[Mamamichl]

although I have not had addiction issues, my whole family has (parents and brother). I say I’m the only white sheep. It’s hard sometimes, because some days I find myself having more than 2 drinks to get away. We have stronger emotions and we don’t want to feel that way, so we try to self medicate. It happens a ton.

I still have trouble at my jobs because of my impulsivity. I’ve started tracking what sets me off in those moments so that I can avoid similar situations. You may want to do the same. One idea is to hide your keys so you do t go to the casino, or only bring friends over that will support you getting clean. Easier said than done some days, especially when your emotions spiral. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and just started stimulant meds a couple months ago. I find it helps me not spiral, but doesn’t help me keep from having strong emotions. Having a physical outlet also helps. Some people journaling helps too (doesn’t work for me though).

Part of owning your problems is brainstorming how to avoid them in the future. Also easier said than done, but counseling helps with this if you get one that understands your adhd.

[wtfadhd]

hey Knowingme,

adhd expert, charles barkley states that “ lack of attention” is simply NOT the most damaging symptom of adhd like most people assume. Its the impulsiveness and lack of emotional regulation that creates the devastation that just snowballs. in your case, addiction, lying, cheating, etc that has caused your family to distance from you.

of course we feel like dogshit when our adhd isnt managed. who the hell would be happy with themselves when we create chaos n live a life soo far from our true character? and remember, adhd hinders our ability to even develop our own solid character as easily as neurotypical people do. ugh

its so tempting to be hard on ourselves with addictions like drugs n gambling bc society kinda agrees that those addictions are so morally wretched. and being addicted to church, work, google etc is the moral high ground of addictions. 🤮 lol

anyway, try to avoid this idea that your entire character n self need to be rehabilitated by multiple professionals, n that you are a terrible person who must accept that you are at “ fault” for and take accountability for everything that has resulted from your unmanaged adhd. obviously we are all responsible for our actions, but why make that the mantra? is it helpful? are u a psychopath that deliberately seeks out opportunities to hurt people for personal gain with no conscious? i seriously doubt that!!!

learn about what adhd actually is. its healing and powerful, ask any of us in this group chat!!! meds n educating yourself are the best first steps before you try to go in and “ fix” yourself.

grieve those years in which u didnt know u had adhd n made mistake after mistake which u r still suffering the consequences. we call that adhd tax! lol

practice graceful n logical self talk. for example” my untreated adhd resulted in really crappy life choices and my family chose to distance me, which is understandable…” do that vs current mindset of “ its all my fault, n i must suffer n take accountability”.

and surround yourself with people like us on this chat group that are here to lift each other up, challenge one another to channel this adhd crap and create wins, and just remind each other that we are not worthless n as long ad we are alive, we still have the opportunity to shape a life we enjoy n are proud of.

you got this!

[Knowingme in reply to wtfadhd]

Wow thank u so much for your reply reading that gave me a meaning ( if you u get me). I suppose because so many people are saying there's nothing wrong with you, your just a narsasist and a horrible human being don't blame it on your mental health and ADHD. That's what I tend to believe and just own everything and never mention it.

[Gettingittogether]

I'm sorry the people around you are not more supportive. Shaming people does not work in helping them improve their lives. Sorry you are getting this shaming. That's why support groups and therapy and so on are necessary--to push back against all that toxic criticism you're getting from people around you.

[yogacalmsme]

Wow thank you for being so honest - I can relate so much! I have just signed up to this group looking to relate and for support. I am 26 and have been battling different addictions of substance use since I was 19, again to suppress the constant noise which I am fighting with in my head. I am currently coming out of one addiction and currently coming up to one month sober, so still very fresh - but now I am working very hard to not fall into another addiction. To do that I need to understand my own head more and how to control and manage it. I am worried as the ADHD waiting list for an assessment is up to a year. So I need to self help as much as possible until then - any tips or advice on this??