ADHD or lazy student looking for an excuse?

[warmheart123123]

Here's a look into my life, with your guys personal experience with ADHD do you think it's likely I have ADHD given this:

My GP already told me it's highly likely I have inattentive ADHD and I'm struggling to find medication ATM.

Usually when I read a book or watch an educational video off medication, I have to pull my phone out or be watching a T.V show on the side or have music playing or sometimes I'll have just have the video play in the background and I'll do something else that's unrelated/related, and like let's say I'm watching an educational video for my self learning purposes(the video is like a lecture), they'll say something that I'm curious about (or I'll have a random thought in my head that's unrelated) then I'll need to pause the video to google what I'm curious about (And most of the time when this happens forget what I was gonna google after pausing the video, and I will need to like go back or think for 4 minutes) and then I'll read up on that, then while reading up on that I'll want to google something else that I thought about while reading which may or may not be related to the original video I was trying to watch, and then I'll want to take a break and watch a show or something stupid because it's been 2 hours and before you know it it's been 5 hours and I was only 3 minutes into my video.

I guess I haven't tried reading while on medication yet even though I tell myself everyday I will try, but off medication when I read, I'll be reading 3 pages and I'll hear what I'm reading loud and clear in my head, but after those 3 pages I'll have completely forgot what I read in the past 3 pages and have no idea what went on. But I think this is normal for some people, so maybe not ADHD related?

When I took Ritalin the above^ didn't really happen.

Some of my ADHD like symptoms has impacted my life negatively because I dropped out of university 3/4 into my first year due of severe procrastination (unable to finish big projects that require planning and time, could barely start them) and lack of motivation (this might be normal, I wasn't very passionate about my field). I also skipped a lot of school whiel I was in highschool because when I missed a due date for a project which obviously happened A LOT, I would skip that day of school to try and finish the project.. and this happened many times and my highschool friends tease me to this day about that habit of mine, obviously not in a malicious way but yeah. And more than that, I feel anything that require academics I struggle with, like right now I'm doing independent study on Game theory (branch of mathematics) and it's so hard for me to stay focused and finish one thing before starting something else and I procrastinate on everything I'm going to do. Like I'll wake up in the morning, tell my self I'm going to do A B C D E F G but what happens is I'll start A and do maybe a quarter, and then I'll look a little into B, then start C and do a bit of that, then after I go back to A and do a bit more, then I eat dinner watch something stupid play a video game, look back at B and then I'll say I'll finish A B C E F G tomorrow then I'll start D and spend 12 minutes on it but then I'll say it's too late I'm going to bed and then I essentially wasted my whole day and I barely did any of A B C D E F G I said I was going to do. Also there are long video series that will have someone teach and explain Game Theory, and my to watch list is safely more then 40 hours long of videos, because I tell myself I'm going to watch this video after I finish the other videos but I never really finish any video.

Other then academics, my relationship with my friends is okay, I rarely ask to hang out first because I enjoy independent activities and even though I like hanging out with friends I could go a very long time just doing things by myself, and when they ask my to hang out I'll usually make time and say yes and this is usually fine, I get along with all my friends very well, not alot of conflict. With family I'd say it's fine, nothing worth saying. With my partners I'd say I use to overreact and get angry in small minor situations and have many fights and arguments, and I guess I'm working on this, I'm not sure if this is ADHD related or just my personality but I guess that aspect needs work. Also sometimes, not very frequently but I try really hard not to get angry, but I guess I "bottle up my anger" and sometimes in a small situation I'll say I've had enough and I'll have uncontrollable anger and start cussing and throwing things, and I've punched a hole in a wall once, this doesn't happen often but happened more then twice in my life, and happened more often when I was in a relationship with my partner, we lived in an apartment and the police came a few times because of the loud shouting and yelling and objects being thrown. I'm not sure if that's ADHD related?

Also my procrastination goes beyond academics, my laundry only gets done when I'm literally running out of cloths to wear and that pressure will make me go do it, I've been putting off getting my driving license for 3 years now, if I need to go out and fix/buy something at a store or anywhere, I'll wait until the day I need that something to go fix/buy (and sometimes I'll be too late and it'll be too late to fix the thing or by the time I buy the thing I won't need it anymore). And I'm extremely forgetful in fast happening events, every time I take my pill in the morning I can't remember me actually taking the pill, I only remember drinking the water. I can never remember me locking the door but only putting the keys in my pocket. And when I go to the washroom, I can never remember if I washed my hands or not, but my hands smell like soap. And I guess I forget activities and events, like I have forgotten my friends birthday party, if someone asks me to hang out I might like completely forget that and stand them up, if someone asks me to do something Ill go do it but then forget what they asked me to do in the first place.

Also there was a situation where I was doing an 30 minute activity that I enjoy, and I said "after I finish this activity I need to go do A(and A is related to the activity I was doing)", and I swear to god this scenario happened 10+ times and I never remember to go do A after I finish the activity even though every time I start the activity I tell myself I'm going to do A after.

In case ^ isn't clear, lets say I play a 30 minute video game, and I play this video game 9 times on a certain day. Every time when I start the video game, I say "after I finish this game I need to change a setting" and I'm reminded every time I start the video game because when I start the video game I see and encounter a setting that isn't to my preference. But when I finish the game I just start another one right away and I would have forgot to change the setting, and then I'm reminded again I need to change the setting because I see the setting is off again when I start and get into my next game , and it's just a cycle until I stop playing.

What other aspect of life should my ADHD affect should I have it?

I try not to compare myself to people without ADHD since the symptoms can happen with anyone, but I'm afraid I'll be one of those people who are overreacting and looking for an excuse for their laziness/inactivity, when I just want either an explanation or help.

Also I edited this post multiple times now because I forgot something I wanted to say hence the length.

If anybody took the time to read all of that and give any amount of help I'm extremely grateful. Thank you.

[warmheart123123]

Also whats funny is I procrastinated taking my Ritalin when I first got them, I only started taking them when it was a week before my follow up appointment with my GP and he wanted to know how they worked. Haha

[Ibshopin]

You sound a lot like me. My husband calls me "squirrel " I start to say something or do something and completely forget what I'm saying or doing. What was I just talking about? It is so embarrassing. I hate writing because I miss words when I write, type whatever. My mind goes faster than my hand and I forget words.

I'm still working on my ABCDEF as well I've started them but never seem to finish. I have so many projects going and I never complete them. It frustates the heck out me. I want to finish, I plan to finish but I jump from one thing to another, or I get so hyper focused and I go over and beyond what I need to do. Like I will start vacuuming the floor and next thing you know it I'm scrubbing the baseboards, or put laundry in the dryer and the next thing you know it is have the dryer ripped apart and I'm vacuuming the lint out of it. Why??? I didn't really need to that, why did I start, and please don't let the dog outside because if I walk away something else will pop up that I need to get done. I haven't finished putting the dryer together to get the laundry done that I had originally went in there to do. And procrastination is my middle name, I was still wrapping Christmas presents on Christmas morning. That happens EVERY year. I say I'm gonna get it done way before, but what I say and do are are not what really gets done.

I want to be more focused, I just don't know how, or if I do focus watch out because it will be perfect when I'm done.

This happens to me all the time, I was just going to write a little comment, and here I go writing on and on.

I just want to say you are not alone, and anyone who has never had this type of problem just doesn't understand. I don't want to be like this, I just help it.

I wish you the best in getting treatment.

Linda

[warmheart123123 in reply to Ibshopin]

Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with me, I really appreciate it and reading it made me feel more comfortable with situation.

And I can freaking relate to typing/writing and missing words or writing the same i write the same word(theres some proof for ya, was going to say I write the same words twice) because my mind is faster then my hands.

[Ibshopin in reply to warmheart123123]

It's so comforting knowing I'm not alone, other people struggle with what seems like simple things, but they are so hard for me.

[house77]

Most of what you said, I feel it too, I go through the same process of reading something then if I don't understand it I will Google the information, am doing it for hrs, I need to know what it means.

I thought I Had Aspergers but it looking more like to me like it Adhd/Add.. Am being Assessed at the moment, it taking so long, a year now. Am very impatient, and also a perfectionist if I do something I enjoy, or while working on a project for myself. Or in the past for someone else. It needs to be perfect..

Am disabled with Arthritis and Fibromyalgia, so think I've overdone it. Lol. Even now I find it hard to settle, am constantly using my hands.

I will be so happy when am Dignoized.. And yes I feel you do have Adhd.

Am like yourself, when ever I try to explain myself, it either very long texts, or loads of letters on how I am. I've a awful memory so write a lot down, before I forget.

Wishing you well. Big hugsxxx

[warmheart123123 in reply to house77]

Thanks for sharing that, I appreciate it