I want to share some problems I've been facing. For years, I've struggled with procrastination, forgetfulness, fidgeting when I am sitting down, and difficulty focusing on tasks that aren't immediately interesting to me, constantly getting sidetracked before starting a task, daydreaming, poor academic performance since elementary school, but in high school I managed to be somewhat successful which resulted in me being a decent student and nothing to brag about. In university I failed to replicate the success from high school. so ever since university It's been a constant battle, and I often feel like I'm falling behind while everyone else is moving forward effortlessly.
One of the biggest struggles I've faced with university. Despite my best efforts, I find it incredibly hard to stay on top of my studies and complete assignments on time. I've changed degrees multiple times, hoping to find something that resonates with me, but the cycle of struggle continues.
I often find myself avoiding important tasks, like filling out insurance forms or applying for jobs, even though I know they're necessary for my well-being and future success. People around me sometimes mistake this for laziness, but I feel like there might be something wrong with me that needs to be addressed. Even when it comes to reading articles, I just struggle to finish the entire article that I either give up on reading it or using text to voice. Also, even if I use text to voice, I still find it a struggle and have to do constant rewinds as well.
Studying Japanese has been great for me. When I'm immersed in something I'm passionate about, I can focus for hours and feel a sense of accomplishment. But when it comes to tasks that feel mundane or overwhelming, it's a different story. I even decided to pursue an associate's degree in Japanese and I have been a great student so far. My GPA is even better than the actual degree that will actually provide me a good paying job. So, I can succeed but I just can't do it with the degree I want to get and by the way I do have some interest in the degree I just lack interest in a decent number of classes.
I am embarrassed to say that I have been studying for over 10 years now, and it's frustrating to feel like I'm not making the progress I should be. That's why I've started to wonder if there might be something more going on. So, because of what experience so far has led me to be very pessimistic on my life and that I will live a terrible life because of the struggles I am going through right now. So, could ADHD be a factor in my struggles? Also feel free to ask me to clarify or add more information if you feel context is missing.
I want to mention that I also do struggle with anxiety that it also halts my progress in my life. So, I feel like such a mess because of those struggles that I have in life. These issues make me feel hopeless and that I should give up.
I really feel like I that I might be "exaggerating" and tell myself I don't have any problems and that I am just not interested in the major that I am studying or reading this article is just not interesting enough. That I am just making up it up to cope with myself from my own fault and that it is actually just my fault for not preparing.
If you can relate to any of these experiences or if you have any insights or advice to share, I'd love to hear from you.
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SleepingTurtles
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Everything you explain sounds very familiar to those with ADHD. You are not alone or broken. Procrastination, even on things that will make your life better, is very common. Doing well in some settings but not in others that seem similar i.e. high school & college is also quite common.
Where you are now with self-doubt and feeling like you are behind and having regret is also, unfortunately, where many with ADHD land. All that to say you are in very good company.
Insights: as stated above you are in the right place asking the right questions. Many with ADHD face similar challenges that you describe. You have tried a few things like changing majors to try to find the right fit which is great. I think the reason you haven’t found the right fit is because the root cause of why you are not engaged has not been addressed. Recognizing you have ADHD and really embracing what that means takes a lot of pressure off and allows your creativity to shine.
When you are looking at majors you may be limiting your search to “appropriate” majors and that is why you haven’t found a good fit. If you let your imagine run wild is there an area of study that intrigues you? You may not have looked into that topic because that “is not a good choice” according to society. There is a lot of messaging you carry with you that you don’t realize is impacting things like thinking about a major. The messaging is usually extremely restrictive. You may not even realize it is there.
I am guessing you are not on ADHD medication, is that correct? Have you been officially diagnosed?
Medications can help with focus and then you can check things off your list. It is much easier to study, initiate tasks and follow through with tasks as well, when on the medication. There are several well tested medications and generally speaking about 80% - 85% of people who try medication one that works and find reduced challenges when taking the meds.
The saying goes “Pills don’t teach skills” so whether you decide to take medication or not it is generally a good idea to also find a therapist or coach. They can help you with the thought processes that can hijack the system i.e. messages mentioned above.
You may be well intended to complete a task or class but the internal self-talk may be working against you. Some of it is so stealthy you don’t even realize you are doing it. Therapy/coaching offers someone in your corner. Someone to help you navigate complicated situations with proven strategies.
You are likely hugely creative and with the support of a therapist/coach you can really excel. They have the tools and you have the creative ways to use them to your benefit.
I recommend an ADHD coach or therapist. You can start your search at psychologytoday.com and use the filters to find an ADHD specific therapist. Another criteria that has been shown to be impactful for those with ADHD is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It focuses on your thought processes and how to change them to your benefit.
CHADD and ADDitudemag.com have directories of ADHD coaches if you choose that route (I am on those list FYI).
I think you are off to a great start and brave for putting your story out there, kudos to you. I hope you can be proud of yourself for taking steps to find the support you deserve. Keep up the great work.
BLC89
Full disclosure I am an ADHD Parent and Adult coach and have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years. I have also raised two kids with ADHD and am CCSP certified.
Thank you for your detailed response. I will seek a professional diagnosis in the near future and possibly consider getting medication for it and I will keep trying my best to continue forward in improving my life.
It can be tough so come back here for encouragement and post your successes, no matter how small. For some just getting out of bed is a major win for others it is taking a shower or completing a project. Whatever it is for you share it here and we can cheer you on!
sounds a lot like adhd to me, but definitely get a neurological exam with a professional. If you’re passionate about Japanese language and culture, why not be a translator? I’ve learned that you sometimes have to follow your dopamine to follow your dreams.
As for the mundane tasks, I force myself to do them and reward myself. I may get a new game, an ice cream or even a coffee. You do have to keep yourself from the reward until the task is done. It also helps to have the task in your vision, and maybe tell someone to check in with you about getting that task done. The sense of failure you get when telling them you have t done it really motivates me to finish it if seeing it in my vision doesn’t work.
Thank you for the advice. So yeah, I will consider the possibility of becoming a translator. Also, I will try out all of the suggestions that you suggested to me.
What you've described sounds very much like ADHD, indeed!
ADHD is characterized by some experts like Dr. Russell Barkley and Dr. Edward Hallowell as having an Interest-Based Attention system. How you describe your path in college depicts very clearly that you're driven by your interest,
I highly recommend that you pursue a diagnosis and treatment. You mentioned being in college. Many colleges have ADHD assessment services available. The one that I previously worked did ADHD assessment for students via their Counseling and Testing Center (for a sliding scale fee). Depending on the college, there might be a little or a lot of assistance available for a student with ADHD.
• Anxiety and depression are very common with ADHD, and your college will probably have at least some guidance to help with those issues. They might have counseling available, or a list of service providers that they can recommend.
I didn't get my ADHD diagnosis until after college, but I can identify somewhat with your academic journey, though mine is a bit different.
• I did mostly well in K-12 school academically, mainly based on my strong interest in school and in learning. However, I was forgetful and often got distracted. My ADHD traits were observed at least as early as when I was in 1st Grade, but my strong interest in school helped me a lot...but also masked my ADHD. Nobody knew that I was struggling to remember to do my homework and completing it at the last minute. (That last minute adrenaline rush was "treating" my ADHD, but simultaneously making me even more anxiety prone.)
• College was much more of a struggle. I didn't attend continuously, and I used the same tactic of changing majors to try to find what just fit my interests best...but my real interest was learning all sorts of things, not learning one certain thing.
***(5 colleges, 5 majors, 9 years as an undergrad spread over 22 calendar years... still no degree. Last attended college about 5 years before my ADHD diagnosis at 45, incidentally while I was still working at a university. I'm now 49 and want to find a way to go back and finish a degree.)***
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Here's some suggestions that I have for you:
First, unless you want to work in a career field that requires a specific kind of degree, then it doesn't matter as much what degree you actually get.
Second, also regarding career, it can give you a leg up to pursue one or a few career interests while you're still in school (via internships, part-time jobs, gig work, or even starting a business on the side of going to school).
Third, it's okay (and even encouraged) to do things that interest you that are outside of or are adjacent to school and career. (Outside interests help make you a well-rounded person and enrich your life.)
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Regarding your choice of major, I think that BLC89 has a great suggestion to be open to one that you find truly interesting, so that all the classes you need to take are ones that you will find interesting.
However, if you still have too many wide-ranging interests, I have a couple of other suggestions.
• Zoom out a little, to try to find a more general degree category that encompasses degrees you've already attempted and classes you've already taken. [I had this epiphany after realizing that all of my majors were related to math and physics...I was closer to a math degree than anything else.]
• Or, if your college has the option, combine your strongest academic interests into an Independent Studies major (or whatever the equivalent label might be).
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I recommend that you ask whoever you can at your college to find ADHD testing and assistance for your ADHD. If the college hasn't made it obvious enough, then check with your academic advisor, the main office for your academic department, the Dean of Students office, the tutoring/academic support services, or even the disability support services office.
Feel free to ask me here or via private chat any questions you have regarding finding the help you need in college. I didn't learn about them when I was a student, but instead I found out what I could have done to get help while working at the university. (If you tell me the name of the school, in private chat if you prefer, I will even research all I can about their services available for students with ADHD to help you out.)
hey! Sounds to me- and I'm not a psychiatrist- like you prob have ADHD. The reason I say that is bc you're showing all the same symptoms I did when trying to get my degree. I would talk to a psychiatrist and get his/her professional opinion, but try that and keep chuggin’ along. BTW, I studied Japanese for a year many years ago and also loved it- boy is it tough, but so rewarding when it makes sense.
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