Mom of an amazing 6 yr old

[CinnamonRaisin]

Hi,

My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 and we are doing our best to educate ourselves and parent him in a way that does not cause him to have anxiety. We struggle with keeping our cool when he doesn't listen.

Glad to be here

[BLC89]

Welcome CinnamonRaisin!Kudos to you for learning all you can.

The not listening can be tough. They are either distracted by their fun thoughts or actually trying hard to pay attention to the point of being distracted by the idea of paying attention- can't win.

One trick I like is to ask them what they heard you say. Sometimes cloaking it like "Hey I just got distracted do you remember what I said? " then they are helping you, and you are showing that getting distracted is not something to be ashamed of but rather you can ask for help.

Anyway, so glad you are here,

BLC89

[CinnamonRaisin in reply to BLC89]

That is a great suggestion. He doesn't seem to hear me until the 3rd or 4th time I ask him something and i have to get right in his face to look in my eyes. I'm open to all the suggestions. I feel like both at home and at school he gets scolded a lot so I am trying to be creative about ways to teach him without punishment or yelling. Thanks again

[Mamamichl in reply to CinnamonRaisin]

Make sure he is putting down any distractions. My kid doesn’t hear if she’s on her phone. This is quite normal. I tell my kid to look at me. It helps with distractions.

[Alt49]

easier said than done My son just turned 7. We did PCIT last year (parent child interaction therapy) which was a huge help to having a more positive relationship while getting him to listen. It’s a bit of an investment but we felt it helped significantly even though during the process I was very skeptical.

[CinnamonRaisin in reply to Alt49]

I haven't heard of PCIT, where did you find the place to do that? through your pediatrician? we are doing behavioral therapy with a social worker who works with a lot of ADHD kids. He did OT for a year and I wasn't seeing much improvement with that. THank you!

[randomscreenname in reply to CinnamonRaisin]

Use this resource: pcit.org/what-is-pcit.html

[Alt49]

my pediatrician recommended it. The place that did it was a local child psychologist. We tried OT but didn’t see any changes but also didn’t stick with it (only made it about 4 months before I gave up - they kept changing therapists so each time it was like starting over from scratch. The pcit which took about 6 months going weekly to complete and then we put him in a social group at the same place were both helpful in his behavior and helping him socially. We still have a ways to go on the latter and certainly have moments on the former but it’s getting there.

[Mamamichl]

I highly recommend these three you tube channels and their books for people who support those with ADHD: how to ADHD (their book by the same name), the holderness family (book called ADHD is awesome), and adhd_love (books are dirty laundry and small talk)

[amjohnson3]

Yep—same here (6 year old boy). Sometimes a light touch can help, as well as trying to make eye contact. Hang in there.

[pottermom]

I feel you. I was raised with parents who yell. I too struggle with it. We both struggle with keeping our cool. You are not alone. We are not perfect and I think it's important to remind our kids of that. I apologize when I lose my cool to my 9 year old. She understand that mom and dad struggle with it also. How much she actually understands, who knows. But we are also working on approaching things with her in a calmer way. Reading, lots of research and tips and therapy have all helped us to respond in better ways. It's hard though. Hang in there.

[randomscreenname]

Welcome. Ours is around the same age as yours, and it is definitely hard not to react to the symptoms and to try to keep in mind that we are communicating with the child inside. I've found it helpful to be on our child's level and to look for what need isn't being met in a moment to help reduce anxiety and reduce the risk of escalation. If anything, I've learned that my own nervous system's response to his nervous system becoming dysregulated only makes things worse and I have had to develop the skill of calming my own nervous system so that I can more effectively calm his.