7 yr old hitting

[Tiredmama8713]

My son has literally been grounded from everything for months. I am at my wits end trying to find a way to get him to stop hitting!!!!! I literally made him write lines stating “I will not hit” today! What else can I do? I’ve tried positive reinforcements if you do well at this event then when you get home you can get in the pool. Still he does it! And I feel like I can’t take him anywhere.

[Pmommyof5]

Tiredmama8713,I am sorry you are dealing with this difficult behavior. I have three children with ADHD ages 7,8,9 and through the years of endless frustration, stress and hopelessness I have learned many new tools through my children’s therapy. They are impulsive and self control which is the key component of stopping the behavior is a work in progress for our children. I have two that I struggled with the most especially with positive reinforcements and that was the breaking point. I hope this helps.

No child purposely wants to hit. We need to accept that no child wakes up and the first thing they think is who am I going to hit. Our children are more sensitive than others and have a low frustration that literally explodes every time they get upset or sad. Taking away privileges actually destroys our child’s self esteem and confidence to the point they feel regardless of their behavior they can’t meet mom or dad’s expectations. Our children most likely already get a lot of negative rejection by peers and others and our main role is not to focus on their negative behaviors but rather see the little things they are really good at and the things they aren’t doing to get into trouble. For example, my 7 year old son broke our window, windshield wiper, broke his computer, broke his siblings toys on purpose and I felt so helpless it was always chaos and I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I learned that my son’s negative behavior sticks to my memory like Velcro but his good behavior slips easily. I was coached to focus on his good behavior and I felt like there wasn’t any but I tried and complimented him for picking up his plate, waking up quietly instead of his usual yelling and screaming at 5am, and so forth. Over time his behavior started improving and I started slowly giving him his privileges back. Our kids behavior intervention specialist suggested never to take away their toys and things they like rather have them lose 1 hour of playing or wait half a day to play like playing after noon for example. They may seem like they aren’t interested but inside they are crushed and feel like it isn’t worth trying because even their parents don’t believe in them or notice anything good about them.

The next step was teaching coping skills and rather than saying what did you do or why did you do that we should be focusing on how can we help you hitting? Perhaps we can Take deep breaths or take a break, go for a walk the next time you feel upset so that you don’t lose your self control.

STAR stop Think Act Respond is something we use in my home. First we Stop and think about what we are going to do to act to the problem and then we respond when we think about the best option.

And most importantly we must always use a calm voice because they are sensitive.

It’s been 8 months and we have seen extensive improvement.

Our children get wrap around therapy which I requested from our health insurance after two unsuccessful years of therapy. Therapist come to your home and coach you. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

[RichSeitzOceanNJ in reply to Pmommyof5]

Excellent advice. See Pax Tools for parents to add to your toolbox.

Pax Tools intro

youtube.com/watch?v=t952q7_...(Not working as expected?)

Google Dr. Dennis Embry for more information for more on self-control and self-regulation.

The Pax GBG teaching strategy used in elementary schools actually trains the brain in self-control by giving kids practice in self-control. It's the difference between lectures on (e.g.) how to swing a golf club, and going out and hitting a ball 50 times every day.

Working from home

youtube.com/watch?v=DYsx5FB...(Not working as expected?)

[Cjkchamp]

I would encourage you to research broad spectrum micronutrients. My son was very aggressive for a long time, and after using them he was better able to control his emotions. There are two companies, True Hope and Hardy Nutritionals.

[Klmamma]

When does he hit and who does he hit? Does he do it hard or lightly?

I STRONGLY suggest CBT. My son has been in for almost a year and he is a whole new kid. He turned 6 a few months ago. His therapist uses the Unthinkables with him. It's very little feelings talk, which he hates, and mostly skills training. It's been wonderful.

[EMSMLMCL in reply to Klmamma]

What is CBT?

[Klmamma in reply to EMSMLMCL]

Cognitive Behavior Therapy. They sit down with you and him and discuss specific problem behaviors in specific situations and work on skills to deal with that issue. It's been amazing. Most of the time now my son will correct himself before getting completely out of control or I can correct him gently without him or I flipping out.

[mplaz in reply to Klmamma]

This is the method my daughter’s therapist uses, it’s called Social Thinking, and it has helped her.

[Klmamma]

We're also not big on meds but my son's anxiety was off the charts. He's on the lowest dose of hydroxyzine and it does wonders for both his allergies and his anxiety. He is still sometimes impulsive but it's much milder and you can talk to him about it afterwards.

[anirush]

My grandson is on medication but also goes to therapy. It is closer to two years that we have been working with him on learning to control himself. He had his best year ever at school until everything shut down. He still loses control and threatens periodically but it is maybe every two weeks instead of several times a day.

It is a long road but keep working on getting the right meds and help.

[wonders2 in reply to anirush]

What type of med is he on?

[Lolmama]

I am new to the group so I don't have any great tips as I am struggling with the same with my 6 year old and also at my wits end, but I mainly wanted to say you are not alone. I think for me it has certainly been hard dealing with him, but to not have any "typical" outlets has been equally hard meaning my immediate family knows about my struggles and they are supportive, but i don't think they can truly appreciate or empathize in a way that's helpful so not having an outlet is definitely been a struggle. I mainly wanted to say that I truly feel your pain and I'm hoping that some of the suggestions i've gotten from this group and you have will help over time. I have been reading Russel Barkley's book on Taking Charge. It's a bit long but since I'm new to this diagnosis, it is helping me understand the symptoms better and there is a chapter on techniques to use. I don't find it goes into in detail what to do about aggression though and specific scenarios, but if i find a good resource on that, I will keep you posted - amazon.com/dp/B00CKP1XFE/re....

[anirush]

He has been on Risperidone for a long time to help with the anger. He is also ADHD so he is on strettera. We added Intuniv about a year ago which really helped.

But medication is such an individual thing. What works for one child won't necessarily work for another. Close work with a psychiatrist and therapist is needed.