Hi. My son who is five years old was diagnosed today with adhd. As of now he won’t be taking any meds for it. His developmental pediatrician agrees he is too young and instead wants him to be evaluated by the school and get him services. I am going back to her in October. I am looking for guidance on parenting a child with adhd. How to handle his impulsive behavior. Also looking on how to Teach my 12 year old about adhd. Many times he gets frustrated with his brothers impulsive behavior as do I and also my husband. I feel so guilty for so many times not having the patience with him and for dismissing all the signs. Also need guidance on how to help him with his anxiety. The doctor did not diagnose him with anxiety but did say that many of the things I have mentioned to her that he does are the beginning stages of anxiety.
Thank you
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Bugsmom
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Hi, if this is your first encounter with ADHD or you are in the beginning stages of learning about it, I recommend you watch Dr. Russell Barkkely's seminar on Essential Ideas for Parents of children with ADHD... it is available on YouTube and is about 3 hours long and amazingly helpful. Some natural ways to tackle anxiety that we have used were essential oils, B-complex vitamins, Epson Salt baths (helps restore Magnesium deficiency which most people suffer from), he might be a bit young for therapy but that is definitely very helpful. Our son absolutely requires down time where he just watches TV or plays a video game... that does take his mind off of everything because he just concentrates on the screen. Does your son participate in any sports? Reward charts for little tasks or behaving/reacting in a proper way (10 stars on a chart earns you a toy... that way he has short term gratification in the star and a long term goal of the toy). What are his specific symptoms of ADHD? Our daughter has ADHD as well but it couldn't be more different from our son's... which is why I'm asking... ADHD can manifest in very different ways...
Hi thank you for your reply. We decided to have him tested because his pre-k teacher brought up concerns with his fine motor skills and also informed us that he requires one to one attention in order to finish up any task. I already had my concerns because at home he never sits still. He is also very impulsive. He has even said at times said that he can’t stop talking even though he tries. He constatntky asks what time it is what are we doing next. He hates to be alone even for a few minutes. So if I’m running around the house cleaning he is following me constantly. At school if it’s a nice day and the teacher says at the start of the class that they will be having recess outside he will fixate on who is going to play with him what will they play and how long will it be until they get to go out. He fixated on it to the point that he can’t concentrate and do what he is suppose to be doing like cutting or tracing. Those are just some of the things he is exhibiting.
I see a lot in common with my kids. Between my two kids with ADHD they pretty much have all the symptoms you described among them. He might benefit from a picture schedule and a watch so he can know exactly what is coming next and when. Unfortunately the asking what comes next is something we also battle with our son and he is on medication... He constantly asks what are we doing and what then... and even once we get to an activity he was looking forward to, instead of enjoying it he starts asking what's next. He can't live in the moment which is very upsetting sometimes. I don't know if you would consider this, but with our son we kept him back in school so he repeated the 1st grade and it was the best decision we ever made. He is no way near being ready for Middle School but that is where he would have to go next school year had we not kept him back. Try to set up activities for him that he needs to complete independently for a small reward or a star on his chart so that you can have alone time without him following you... if he has extra energy then he can do jumps for example every time a step is completed... There are many approaches and not all work for everyone... If you I can be of more help please feel free to respond and ask any questions you have. Best wishes.
There are sooo many wonderful ways to help your child with adhd. Videos, books, therapists, medications etc...
Investigate, try different things, find what is right for your child and family.
What I have found to be the number one most important factor... love.
Love them how they are. Support them how they are. Know how truly special they are and tell them daily.
Everyday my son is met with negativity. Teachers often dislike him. The other kids often find him overwhelming. Other adults, including family members, do not understand him.
I have implemented many, many different forms of behavior management techniques. I found a variety of things that help. Consistency and routine go along way.
But the bottom line is, these kids need our love and support most of all.
Truly they do not want to be annoying or rude or make trouble. But frequently that is how people see them.
Be strong! People will look to you and think you’re not disciplining or that you’re spoiling... blah blah blah
Know that you are doing all you can for your son and do not listen to those who judge. I know what you’re going through! Hugs to you and your family!
My son is now 6 and has ADHD, cimbined type and also exhibits anxiety at times. We experienced things like biting clothes and sucking his lip until it was raw. If you are not looking to medicate at this time you can also look into a psychiatrist who practices integrative medicine. They look at what vitamins and minerals your child is lacking and try to bring them into their optimal ranges which sometimes affects their behavior. My sis anxiety symptoms subsided with medication, but I would definitely check out occupational therapy which can teach you ways to deal with his behaviors and they work with your child. I also recommend a weighted blanket and looking into the nurtured heart approach. Wish you the best!
Hi, just so you know, you are a fabulous mother with a wonderful family. Especially by Researching the best options and wanting the best for them.
We took a parenting family therapy group classes with a psychologist from social services. We certainly couldn't afford the expensive doctors. They taught us how to slow ourselves down when issues come up. Allow them to be who they are if its reasonable and safe. Yes our ADHD kids will have crazy ideas and be antsie constantly or just need to be alone. Learning to turn things into jokes and use opposites of what you want helps greatly. Short version anyhow. Hope it helps
Therapy always help, my son was very impulsive, he is now 12, he actually started with speech therapy at 3 and when he was around 5 started with family therapy, then anger management therapy and then a mix between occupational therapy. He also started with Tae Kwon Do at 4 and help him learning about sef control and consequences of his acts. He currently take medication for school and when he has to do his reading during the summer. I think family therapy will help all your family how to deal with adhd. If he has adhd you need to make him to use "his energy", bring him to the park, make him dance with you tube, ride the bike or go for a walk with him. I also make my son to take a bath every day so he relaxes and play for about half hour. Good luck
Hi! It's great that your seeking advice while your son is at this age and can really benefit from structured guidance. My son is now 7 and was diagnosed towards the end of kindergarten. We are choosing not to medicate at this time, and over the last year we did a process called "Parent Child Interactive Therapy" (PCIT). See if you can a psychologist certified in this technique in your area. It has helped us listen and interact better with our son, as well as given us specific techniques to set limits and house rules. I wish we had done it a year sooner!
Mine just turned 6 and he is aggressive. Love him, teach him how to communicate, to breath when he is upset, and master the art of compromise. Use time reminders when you are going to leave somewhere he loves or when he has to stop something or come in for dinner etc. (“okay in 5 minutes we have to leave”, “ ok 2more minutes, ok?”). Make him stop and breath and slowwww down for moments in his day. Get him to color or do legos or anything that has him concentrate & be calm. Get an assessment and behavior support plan from school (IEP) and even request an aid (shawdow) in class to help him stay on task (we have this).
Also Look into Neurofeedback.
I am starting this with my son next month... painless, no side effects- physical therapy for the brain and trains the mind to build the ability to focus and concentrate. Amazing testimonials (across the board for brain development in people with Autiam, ADD, ADHD, etc). It also helps to reduce the medication dosage for people ADHD and often eliminates it altogether.
It is expensive $160-175/per session but amazing if you can help them to develop neurologically- the areas of the brain controlling their impulses, behaviors and lack of focus. My son is also aggressive and he IS his impulses. Medication is the last option for us... too many side effects and no long term damage data available, plus we will one day be entering the teenage years and I don’t want him Self medicating and experimenting with an already high tolerance to prescribed medication (worried about it all- as you can see..) Look into it.
Drake Institute
EEGinfo.com
Childteenfamilytherapy.com
Medication is not the only way... what I wrote to you gave me hope when I learned about it. Research and visit the sites.... any way we can help our little geniuses is worth it. I keep seeing the medication route - all it does is put a band aid over a bullet hole with horrid side effects... there has to be a real way to help them build the part of the brain that struggles with focus and impulse control. The human body is remarkable especially the brain.
Something you can also look at is ADDitude or even reach out to my mom, Theresa Gearin, on facebook. She had to deal with two ADHD kids and she has a way of explaining it to a young one that really worked for me and my sister!
My son is currently 6 and not medicated, though we are looking into it. Like ElinaK35, I also highly recommend Russell Barkley’s “Essential Ideas for Parents” video on YouTube!
What has helped us:
1. Sleep is the biggest factor. Early & consistent bedtime, dark & quiet room, no screens 2 hrs before, long & soothing bed routine.
2. Praise - even for partial things. It’s much more effective than punishment. Lots of love & patience.
3. Analog clocks & timers.
4. Signs, charts & checklists- make everything visual.
5. Calming techniques - breathing, mindfulness, calming glitter bottles, a calm down spot (like a time out, but not punitive.)
6. Fidgets & squishies - though he always loses them.
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