6 year old kindergarten

[HeatherMM28]

I have a 6 year old who may have adhd. Kindergarten has been really hard for us. He claims he can't do his work. But doesn't it if he has a one on one adult. Crying and being disrupting in class. Poor impulse control. And now he is falling behind academically. We are considering talking with his doctors about medicine which we didn't want to do. He knows what he is supposed to do but we can't get him started . Please any tips or advice 🙏

[Giggling]

Hi there. I have a young child too, 7 years old dx a few months ago, so I can relate to your concerns/worries. Our son was go go go from 2 years old and started kindergarten (at 4 years old) during COVID. I noticed that he couldn't sit for virtual lessons, I couldn't take him shopping with me or read a story to him, but I thought that most rambunctious boys wouldn't be interested in that, so I dismissed some early signs and believed it was just temperment.Sure he was very different than our older daughter, loud, high energy with no fear, but again my husband said he was a boy and that his behaviour and dare devil actions were normal. (Very similar to my husband when he was a kid, I was told. And since my husband has done well, made it through university and has a good job, I thought, he will just grow out of it. "He is just a boys, boy".

What I soon realized was that the skills my husband wasn't good at, i.e., time management, balancing a check book, slowing down, keeping things organized, I did them for him. THE BORING stuff, I handled and things ran smoothly, So of course he would dismiss certain signs in our son. What I also realize is, if my husband has ADHD (I see alot of similarities between my husband and son) for my husband it is manageable and doesn't disrupt his life. It is not the same for my son.

My son made it through grade 1 okay but this year, from the first day of grade 2, things went off the rails in terms of his behaviour. He was incredibly disruptive in class, impulsive and obstinate and while he always managed to settle down at home things were getting more and more out of control at home as well. Plus he was behind academically. I was being called by his teacher every day. He was being known as "the bad kid" and his self esteem was plummeting. I felt I failed as a parent. If it wasn't for a very kind and caring VP at the school I would have just thought I wasn't being stricked enough with him.

Once we had him diagnosed, I devoured books on ADHD, found a psychologist to work with my son (not sure it is working for him at such a young age) changed my parenting style (it still is difficult at times not to get frustrated or exhausted by challenging behaviour) signed up with adhddude.com, and then decided to try medication. While medication is not the complete answer, (and a personal choice) it did allow us better management for his emotional regulation and gives him the ability to focus better so that he can learn. He was becoming quite destructive and angry prior to the medication and while he still gets upset when he has to move from a fun activity to something more "boring" he is no longer destructive.

Since he is very good at sports we have him in competitive soccer, (Thai Chi didn't work for us as it was too slow for him and he refused to participate or even try.)

We changed classrooms and moved from a French immersion class to an English only class and he is a much better fit with his new teacher (this is pivotal as well, at least for us.) His reading, with the support of tutoring is improving and the daily calls from the school has stopped. He is up to speed in all other subjects and he can now write legibly.

Are thing perfect? NO, is it better than before? YES. Are there hard days. YES. Do I still get frustrated and find parenting with his ADHD hard? also YES. But I now try to savour the good moments.

As a mom without ADHD, I find I do most of the heavy lifting with regards to his treatment plan which includes an IEP at school, therapy for myself and my son, and medication, but at least my husband is now on board.

Also find "your people" even if it's virtual. Unless you experience parenting a child with ADHD most other parents don't understand and you really have to get a tough skin, from some of the I'll informed comments about your child's behaviour.

But reach out to the community when you can, they help cushion some of the blows.

Hope that long response helps (:

[Mamabearreallycares in reply to Giggling]

Thank you for taking the time to post all of that. It was extremely helpful and encouraging.

[Onthemove1971]

We are excited you have found the group and happy to help support you on your journey. Children with ADHD benefit from 3 tools: medication, therapy and an educational plan.

While you are waiting for an offical diagnosis you could request the school do an assessment to support his needs in school. This is done by handing the school a letter asking for an assessment.

It sounds like you are right on track with asking for a evaulation.

If you have a few extra minutes you can read over previous posts to learn more about a variety of topics like: feelings about diagnosis, fear of taking medication, trouble in school.

We are always here to support you.

Take care.

[Aspen797]

it’s hard when our kids are so small and struggling. They can’t explain what’s going on or even understand what’s making things difficult. He is doing the best he can with the skills he has right now.

Your pediatrician is a good place to start. They will likely have you and your child’s teachers complete some surveys to get a picture of your child’s struggles. Based on that, you can trial medication and/or be referred to other specialists for further testing or therapy.

A lot of kids also benefit from occupational therapy , speech therapy, and behavioral therapy. Sometimes attention isn’t the only issue. Sometimes it’s a speech or hearing issue, a motor difficulty, a learning difference, a difficulty with social cues. These weaknesses can cause a lot of anxiety/sadness and sap focus. A good evaluation at school and with your pediatrician should help get you on the right path.

[Lauraz180]

Hello. Was same situation but 7 years ago. For us medication ritalin was a total game changer ..........and overnight. Went from barely writing a sentence in class and being spaced out to a top academic performer. Teachers couldnt believe the difference. I know meds are not for everyone and its a personal choice but for us i tried pretty much every other route for a long time before with little impact. We are now in the fortunate position of starting to reduce the meds slowly as puberty seems to be having a positive impact.

[Mommywarrior4LC]

I agree with the parents here, it’s important to ask the school to do an IEP for your child. They will pay , and they are held responsible to do a full assessment on your child so he doesn’t fall behind and gets a good education. I found out that my son is really smart, but like many kids with ADHD he just could not sit still and pay attending that long in class. He got and IEP and now the school accommodates his needs, I.e like frequent breaks during class. Sometimes he just needs to walk around or even just needs sensory stimuli to help calm him down such as back rubs/hand brushes. Every kid is different so the school should assign a paraprofessional who can assess your child.

As for medication, this is a personal choice. If you want to do the therapy only route you can. See what works best for your child. Personally, medication really helped my son. He started Ritalin in January and the teachers were shocked to see he was able to sit down and complete a task/boring activity like writing words/ letter (he’s in kindergarten). Without the meds , it was a rough start in kindergarten. He would always run out the classroom when he was bored and again had trouble regulating his anger, which led to tantrums and me having to pick him up at school. I found this group to be helpful, even though it’s just online. I wish you best of luck and always remember to give yourself a break too. It’s not easy raising a kid with ADHD. You are doing your best.

[Mamabearreallycares in reply to Mommywarrior4LC]

May I ask, what were some things that ultimately lead you to choose to put him on medication? We are currently struggling with that decision.

[Mommywarrior4LC in reply to Mamabearreallycares]

He was constantly get into trouble at school for his impulsive behaviors and inability to regulate his anger. He would run out of class when he got bored with whatever they were doing. And At one point he refused to go back inside after recess, the staff had to chase him down. He also has ODD and DMDD so he was always saying No to anything they asked him to do. To the point where he would fight back when he was easily mad and hit the teachers, even the principal! We were always being called in to pick him up at school or have a meeting with the staff at least once or twice a month. We felt therapy wasn’t enough to help him with his behaviors. My husband and I were worried he was falling behind in class because he wouldn’t sit still and they constantly had to take him out of class to help him calm down or take a break. Ever since he started his meds, all the teachers noticed the change in him. He’s a really smart kid but before he would always need them to make things “exciting” for him to pay attention in class. Now , he’s able to finally sit still and just listen to “boring” lessons in class. He can finally finish a task without being distracted or bored. I’ve learned to accept that this is his reality, he can’t help it. He has ADHD and these behavioral problems come with it. And as a parent I will do everything it takes to help him be prepared for the future

[Mamabearreallycares in reply to Mommywarrior4LC]

Thanks so much for sharing. It sounds so much like what we are dealing with. I’m working on changing my approach towards my kiddo. He’s young, 4 yo, so we are in the very beginning of our journey with all of this. He was diagnosed only a few months ago and we are still finding our footing. My husband and I were hoping to wait a little longer before we tried medication, but I think I’m getting closer to understanding that it might be the right move. Anyway, thanks for sharing. It helps to talk to others about it.

[MomofADHDBoy6]

Welcome! My son is 6 as well and we started noticing severe problems with learning in pre-k. Then when he started kindergarten he started having more behavioral problems and I was concerned he would fall behind. I always thought I was anti medication but through sound advice from trusted sources (teacher who has children with adhd and his doctor), we got him diagnosed and started Ritalin (methylphenidate) 4 hour release. One after breakfast and one after lunch. It has changed his whole school trajectory. He can actually learn and retain information now! We also got him a tutor. Early intervention is so good mama. It’s awesome that you are already seeking out resources to make the best decision for your family!

[Mamamichl]

ask doctor for a neurological exam. There are so many conditions this can be. It has a long waiting list but well worth it.

[FrankenMummy]

Definitely ask the school for an evaluation for services. They might try to convince you otherwise, as it is additional work, but push for it regardless. He might need a 1:1 a school for work, and can supplement with additional resources. It's great seeing these things now so you can hopefully create a plan for success. Good luck!

[Bwhite84]

Hello,

We have a 5yr old that is in Juniour kindergarten, he was recently diagnosed with ADHD. His teachers say he has a hard time sitting still, and focusing on his work, and also is disruptive to others during centre time. He also has no awareness of personal space, so he is constantly having hands on (not hitting) just touching, pocking, hugging and smushing up against his peers.

Our educators give him breaks, and let me him do something different for 5-10 minutes and then redirect him back to finish his work. It does help. He also is very sensitive to sound, and gets overwhelmed easily if the class is loud, so we do have noise cancelling ear phones he can wear any time he needs to help him focus and self regulate. They also have a visual schedule for him that they show him what he needs to do, and what comes next. We invovled the Learning Resource Teacher very early on, who keeps a close watch on him, and there is also an EA in the class that monitors him and helps him if he needs it. Can you request a meeting with the school and voice your concerns?

Another thing we recently have one is cut out processed sugar from his diet, and we have noticed a huge change in his mood, meltdowns etc. He is still busy but not having as many meltdowns and recovers from them quicker.

We also do alot of work at home with him for emotional regulation, and he also does cognative behavioural therapy which helps with all the above.

Its a hard thing to nagivate especailly if don't have a diagnosis, its frusterating, and you feel alone, and very overwhelmed. I hope maybe something will help you and you can find some answers.

From one mom to another, you have got this, even on the hard days, and your not alone!

[penn_adhd]

Fight/push to get him evaluated if you have to. I had to and mine was evaluated 4x before they diagnosed him at the end of 1st grade because they tend to not get diagnosed until 2nd grade because of age/maturity as well. Kids with ADHD can be up to 30% behind maturity wise.