18 yr old out of control

[heather_lynn_028]

My 18 yr old was diagnosed with adhd at age 4 and has been on meds ever since. Right now he is on intuniv, focalin,abilify, and concerta. And still by 2 he is so hyper you cant stand to be around him! He is so impulsive it is scary! He will not follow any of our rules, he quit school but is attending classes to get his GED, he does have a job at mcdonalds, but he has lied to us so much that we cant trust him anymore with driving our vehicle back and forth to work! And he is just so immature!!! When will this end!!??? When will he GROW UP???? Is anyone else in the same situation or can help with any info at all?

[AngelamarieQ]

Gosh, that is a lot of meds for this condition!!

My daughter is 10 and she just started a low dose of focalin. Thus, I can’t answer your question. However, have you tried changing doctors?

Check out Amen clinics. They are specialists in the 7 types of ADHD and they might be able to shed some light to your situation. They have several clinics around the country. Good luck

[heather_lynn_028 in reply to AngelamarieQ]

Thanks

[Hidden]

Hi,

This is a hard age to deal with because even thought he's 18 and legally an "adult", because of his ADHD he could be up to 2-3 years behind in terms of brain development. I'm not saying this as an excuse, but as an explanation for why he's not acting in a way you would hope or expect for an 18 year old. That being said, though, it sounds like he's acting inappropriately even for a 15 year old and you guys are stuck in a cycle that will not get better until/unless something or someone changes.

The reality is, though that you cannot change or control what he does (like his lying, how he acts, etc.) BUT, there are things you can control and change: like what you do for him, how you react toward him and what you're willing to put up with in order for him to be able to live in your home.

The fact that he's 18 means that you can set some rules, limits and boundaries and if he doesn't follow them, you can ask him to move out. But, it's important that you are willing to follow through on whatever it is you come up with, otherwise you will be back in the same boat.

Also, following through on consequences (or not shielding him from consequences when he experiences them) is the best thing you can do for him in terms of helping prepare him for life as a productive adult. As I wrote about in this article, parentcoachjoyce.com/teen-s... experiencing the consequences of his actions is one of the best ways for him to learn to be accountable and to develop the motivation to change what he's doing so he can get better results in his life (or ask for help when he can't do it on his own).

Hope this helps!

Joyce Mabe

website: parentcoachjoyce.com

[seller]

Heather - I feel your pain! Unfortunately, it won't end soon or at least our son's horrible behavior did not end for several years....he is now 23 and much much better. But at age 16.5 we sent him to a boarding school in Utah, where he spent the next 18 months in a safe, secure environment. He got his HS diploma and took a few college courses. He was still not "fixed" when he returned and I could not stand him in our house, so we got him a small efficiency apt, where he still lives today. He now pays part of his rent, is in school full time and has a part time job. I would not let your son drive - the likelihood of tickets, accidents, etc is just too high. We made our son take the local bus or walk to work. Or we drove him. I would put locks on your bedroom doors. Expect the lying to continue for a few years. If he can find another place to live, that would be the best, even if you have to pay for part of it. it was worth every single penny I spent on our son's rent to have him out of my house. If you want to chat, let me know. I've made 2 good friends in this chat room over the past 5 years - both of whom had very challenging boys! I do have to say I wonder if your son is taking his meds? And he is on a lot of pills...... But at least he goes to work! Our son also worked at the local McDonald's but that only lasted about 4 months and he was fired for not coming in on time - he would forget to write his schedule down. There is hope.....but these boys are really delayed and can cause havoc in your house.

[anirush]

Boys generally are delayed in maturity in the first place throwing the ADHD in that quick to another 3 years behind. Most mature mid-20s. When my daughter was that age and attending college we moved her into an apartment just to get her out of our face.

[jodanB]

Very much so. We have been struggling with our 18 year old ADHD son for some time. Right now at best, we as parents are barely surviving. We have gone through many resources such as therapy of various kinds (addition, behavioural/cognitive, family ect), doctors both family and specialists and various medications. Our findings is that he does not continue with the supports we have worked so hard to find for him and we can't do anything about it as he is 18. He dropped out of school just last feb, during his last year of HS, self-medicates using drugs, tobacco and alcohol and has become more angry and resentful towards us and his siblings (16 and 13). Our biggest struggle right now is with his sense of "entitlement" he has for the life we have made for ourselves. He wants a car but won't work towards buying one and insists we should buy him one. He gives ultimatums that we wont give into. Our house rules are not outrageous (no smoking in the house, control your anger towards others and go to school)...all of which he does not follow. He lies and steals and has no idea why we don't trust him. He has even stolen our cars but feels he is entitled to it because it was sitting in the drive way. We too are at our witts end and wonder when is enough. Do you ever give up on your child...we know it is not his fault he has ADHD and are well educated people on the condition. We have gone to our own therapy sessions without him. That helps. I wish there was a guide to parenting out there but we have found survival is by just thinking every day is a new day. Lately we have had bad days and we don't know how much more we can take. Sometimes we feel bad that we sometimes want him to move out and "experience" life. He has threatened it more than once (guilt tripping us) and even yesterday we did send him packing (we couldn't take anymore) But he came back after he settled down and apologized for his actions. We question how many times do we accept sorry before enough is enough. I never in a million years thought I would want to abandon my son and do feel guilty about it. But I have learned that I am doing the best I can and have to trust myself, hoping tomorrow will be better and that eventually he will find his way, either with our support or on his own. I wish I had more answers. I spend lots of sleepless nights, lots of time reading about ADHD and LD, lots of time worrying and lots of time talking with others including family therapy without our 18 year old hoping to find new answers.