New to the group

[Mena68]

I am a parent of an adult child with ADHD. I'm reaching out to learn more on how I can help my child succeed as she is now on the verge of graduating from college and entering the corporate world.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the group!

Be supportive and encouraging.

Be genuinely curious. Try not to be judgemental.

Keep lines of communication open. Give her space to live her life, but keep in touch. (Contact once a week is probably good. More often if she needs it and if you are in a tight relationship like that. Less often if that's what she would prefer.)

Know that she might make decisions that seem questionable to you. When you are concerned, reach out. Let her know when you're thinking of her. Let her know that you're proud of her.

Maybe make "care" packages for her, when she comes by, with some of her creature comforts and comfort foods, maybe a gift card, but try not to smother her.

[Mena68 in reply to STEM_Dad]

Appreciate your response. Thank you so much for the advise. I feel helpless when she is going through her spirals. For example, she is fighting to stay on a step team that she was dropped from because she was taking too long to learn the steps. She took it really bad to the point where I was afraid that she was going to hurt herself.

[Mamamichl in reply to Mena68]

Not making the cut is always hard for me. What helps is to go through it the first time it may happen. Making a plan on how I wil react if I don’t helps. It’s overplanning that helps me.

[Mena68 in reply to Mamamichl]

This is great advise. Thank you

[Superpups]

Hello, I’m also the parent of an adult child with ADHD. I don’t really have much advice because we really struggle with our daughter but I wanted to recommend a very helpful podcast by Kristen Carder called I Have ADHD. She’s excellent and gives so much valuable information about adult ADHD. I have learned so much from her. Good luck to you and your daughter.

[Mena68 in reply to Superpups]

Appreciate you

[Mena68 in reply to Mena68]

Can I find this podcast on youtube?

[Mamamichl in reply to Mena68]

podcasts.apple.com/us/podca...

[Superpups in reply to Mena68]

Yes, you can. I found it on Spotify as well.

[Mamamichl]

Be straightforward with strengths and weaknesses in the interview. I call mine my “adhd super power” when discussing emergent situations. I don’t get a lot of call backs but the ones I do, I know are better fits for my disability. I look at all of my interviews as practice so I do t take them as a make or break anymore. Also, practicing answering questions with you could be helpful, and discussing what works or not helps too.

[Mena68 in reply to Mamamichl]

Thank you so much

[MaudQ]

I would suggest looking for jobs that are really interesting to her and possibly trying some different types of jobs while the stakes are low. Are there options for her other than corporate? When I graduated college, I genuinely had no idea what the range of possible careers was. If there’s any programming at her college about the transition to having a career, it could be helpful. Is she utilizing the students with disabilities center at her college? There might be resources there. I would also suggest taking it very easy on disclosing her ADHD. It’s illegal for an employer to ask and she’s not required to tell anyone. There are jobs where it may never come up, and if it does, how she decides to disclose will be unique to each job environment. But I think the main thing is to do something she really enjoys and cares about and that lets her strengths really shine.

[BLC89]

Hello Mena68,Congrats to your daughter for completing college that is no small task! Then put ADHD on top you really have a kid who can work hard - kudos to her.

Lots if good advice here. My biggest piece of advice is know that she still needs your support. Health care, for instance may be too much of a maze for her to handle, you may need to help her find a doctor or know which bills to pay and which to call insurance about, etc.

Be prepared for the urgent calls when/if she gets overwhelmed. She may be the type that can hum along as long as things stay balanced, whatever that looks like for her. But if there is a bump in the road - missed train to work, flat tire, prescriptions not covered, etc - you may get the frantic or even tear-filled call. When she does call ask if she wants advice or for you to just listen. Sometimes they need to vent other times they need a solution. Ask if there is anything you can do to help - research, phone calls, etc - and let her delegate to you.

Other kids may need help making a schedule or planning meals. There are so many layers to "adulting" and there may be one, or many, that are just too much for her, be there to support with those.

Remind her of all the hard work she is putting in, all things going right, and that she can do hard things.

Some of this may sound like a "duh" but we often forget they are grown up, they are handling life and we need to let them figure out out. And, at the same time, realize ADHDers in their early 20s still lag with executive function and still need support in some areas but we have to ask what we can do not tell them or try to fix problems.

Remind her you love her, remind her of her accomplishments, remind her she knows how to work hard and can creatively solve problems. Ask what you can do to help or just listen and not try to fix (not easy I realize!)

Good luck to her and you; this is a new chapter, have fun.

BLC89

Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD

[Mena68 in reply to BLC89]

Appreciate your input. Thank you so much. I am so grateful for all the guidance I have received so far