New to the group.

[lenamilius]

Hello !

I am a mother of four boys, 28,15, 13 and 9. We live in DC. Our 13 yo was diagnosed with ADHD at 7. He have done therapy in the past two years and we started trying medication since fall 2017. He was also diagnosed with anxiety and depression,has anger and temper issues. The very thin active and social and popular boy turned to be overweight inactive and very rude bully. When he does not have his tantrums and feeling good he is still our kind, caring and sweet boy who loves family, his pets, to hug, talk, ask questions.

We have stopped meds for a month as he did not want to take it to the sleepaway camp and then on our summer vacation.

It’s been a very long hard summer and a difficult year. Especially when he was hospitalized for a month plus a month of partial hospitalization due to posting on FB that he is planning to commit suicide after I had to take all the electronics away and no tv while he was refusing to go to school last winter.

Sometimes I feel like I am going insane dealing with his symptoms and outbursts plus the dynamics between be boys at home.

I do realize he is having the harder time than me or anyone in the family. It must be pretty scary for him. He has a very low self esteem, no friends and no interests at all. He still plays baseball and has always been on two teams. But recently I would have to almost drag him to practices. He quit soccer this year as he is saying he is fat and it’s hard to run.

We do our best to monitor his eating. But he finds his way of getting unhealthy stuff. Sometimes even taking money to buy chips and coke. Or orders stuff online.... There are consequences and he gets even angrier. He is very hyper and has some sort of a ticwhen he is on the field or walking he needs to correct his shirt on the shoulder or the pants

He makes loud shouting noises even when he is on his phone or computer. This is the latest addition to his behavior. He also had given everyone different nicknames and he would shout them a lot to get the attention. His 15 yo brother has been trying to play along but loosing his patience. And the 9 yo suffers from constant picking and bullying from him. It’s almost like he feels like it’s his fault he is having a hard time. Although he did tell me many times how much he hates him and why would I give birth to him. He is very jealous and insecure.

We do tell him we love him and would like to support him. There is a lot of work to do.

Thanks for reading. Lena.

[Aniusia]

Lena, I read your post twice. I completely understand and feel your pain as a mother. I am glad you found this forum. It made me feel not so alone. Hopefully it will help you too.

What medication is your son on? I am sure you tried many...

[lenamilius in reply to Aniusia]

Thanks ! We just moved to a new house. Sorry for late reply.

We did Zoloft.

Then Lexapro.

After being in the hospital he was on lexipro and Seraquil. It made him sick and sleepy.

We had Vyvance for a few months. But not much help.

Was not taking meds for a month now.

Seeing the psychiatrist next week.

He always makes noises and very irritable.

He is still sweet when I tuck him in at night and scratch his head and back....

[nurse_nelly]

Good morning,

I am a mother of 3 boys 16, 12 and 9. 12 year old diagnosed with adhd at age 4. Started meds and worked for about 3 years then he became angry, depressed and developed a lot of anxiety. Similar problems and noises like your son. The dr. kept adding medications to his adhd med only to make things worse. He had a complete medication change last summer and ended up failing 3 classes by the end of 6th grade. He was hitting himself and telling us " I CANT TAKE THIS I WANT TO KILL MYSELF " by this point I was livid and the Dr. wanted to increase his meds. I said NO WAY and I want him off all meds to see how he does. She disagreed and wouldn't do it after discussing it for MONTHS and knowing he was failing since 2nd quarter of the school year.(obviously meds were not working right?)

Fast forward to Now...

I started weaning him off all medication my self one at a time starting this passed February. I am a nurse and I realize you should only do 1 med at a time and VERY slow. By June I had my son off of everything. I told his Dr. What I had done and how much better my son was. He was NOT threatening to kill himself and wasn't self abusive any longer. However he was very hyper and he did need just a little boost of something but I was afraid it would make him anxious, depressed an angry again. She suggested starting him on a low dose of regular released Ritalin twice per day. WOW! this has made a big difference. Apparently as our children grow they don't always require and increase In meds. My son is a loving fun active boy who is no longer depressed or anxious. He is back to himself but is more calm. He obviously cant take extended release medications and we will NEVER do that again. He is also learning how to cope better as he is getting older. We have also started him on NON THC CBD oil and I believe this has helped as well....

Best of luck to you and I would definitely explore your options when it comes to medications. Antidepressants can have a BIG impact on weight gain .. Also make sure that it is truly depression and anxiety and not a stimulant induced anxiety/ depression that my son got. it can get real ugly...

[Aniusia in reply to nurse_nelly]

Wow, my son too, does better on 5 mg Methylphenidate, then 10 mg long release.

[Mudpies]

My son is almost 8 and was diagnosed a year ago. Being on stimulants created an extremely turbulent situation for him. He was angry, moody, lashed out, had tremendous amounts of anxiety, barely ate, and had trouble sleeping. He is now on non stimulant medication for his ADHD. He is doing so much better. His ticks are back, shoulder shrugging, pulling at his pants, pulling his shirt down in the front, and a weird way he breathes sometimes. However, his eating is back to normal, he is sleeping, and his mood has regulated. Once he goes back to school we may need to add back in a short acting stimulant for the time period he’s at school to help him focus but we don’t know yet. He did fine at school on the stimulant last school year but became increasingly aggressive and agitated at home. Our doctor is extremely supportive and helpful. Without him I sincerely believe I would not have made it this far. This is REALLY REALLY hard as a parent. Please know that you’re not alone.

[lenamilius in reply to Mudpies]

Thanks! It is good to be in forum like this. Lots of support and understanding. Hugs.

[EJsMom]

Oh Lena, I feel your pain. I bet you lay awake at night worrying about this young man. I completely understand.

I don’t have a great answer but wanted to show my support!

My son is 14 and has gone through similar stuff. It’s a long journey. He made a couple suicide comments at school and they called crisis response.

He had to be evaluated and all that.

I think it helped him realize that some of his extreme behaviors are way over the top and will get him locked up in a hospital. That scared him.

So far the thing that has helped him most is Wellbutrin. Stimulants were terrible for him. Other adhd meds simply had no effect.

Big hug to you! Keep on loving him and supporting him.

[lenamilius in reply to EJsMom]

Thanks a lot. Hugs to you.

[Marebear129]

As my mom has always said, you are only as happy as your most unhappy child. I am currently in a situation with my 15 year-old son. He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He was tested last year for ADHD. He is irritable and angry. The results were inconclusive, due to the fact that he should be reevaluated once the depression/anxiety have been treated. For the first time ever in his schooling, he has been refusing to go to school. He says he is afraid of failing. I feel the fear/anxiety is more about the actual high school setting. High school is a scary place for an anxious child with low self-esteem. There is so much pressure on academics/college prep. The peer pressure is huge as well. He is currently on Prozac (going on 3 weeks). We originally tried Zoloft and the side effects were horrible. Nausea, increased anxiety, panic attacks. He just switched therapists, since the one he has been seeing for a few years was not helping. His new therapist has been wonderful so far. His high school has been treating this as more of a behavioral problem vs. a social emotional problem. We had to wait almost a month for a 504 meeting. During the wait, he was attempting to go to school every week. We just had the 504 meeting last week, and I must say it was not very helpful. I get it that the school is probably overwhelmed with students with social emotional needs. But, going into the meeting was intimidating. There were 6 people present, 2 teachers, the school psychologist who was running the meeting, the guidance counselor, the school social worker, and the director of student services. As the meeting began, at least 4 of them were typing on their laptops and documenting, which was very distracting. I felt like I had to remind them that my son is not mentally healthy and he is trying. All of this is so new. The medications, the school refusal, the friends who have quit calling. Everyday, I never know what is in store for us. I am trying to get all his absences excused so that as we wait for the medication to become effective he can make up his work. The 504 meeting was last Friday. He has missed school this whole week. I have been taking him to his therapist every day. We came up with a plan for him to have some exposure today. He has agreed to go to school for for 2 periods. Our hope is that with limited exposure, going for a whole day will be easier. I informed the school of this in an email, since our appointment with therapist ended after school hours. I have not had any response but I am not surprised. I am sure they will contact me this morning. I am just trying to get him through this semester so that he does not have to make up a whole semester of high school down the road. He is very bright. This is so difficult. It is hard to not think ahead about his future if this doesn't get better. Anyways....long story short...you are not alone!