14 year old is stealing money from family

[N3v3rgiveup]

Hello,

My 14 year old was diagnosed with ADHD back in December 22. He went into a outpatient program for cannabis use and depression, where they also diagnosed him with ADHD.

I have recently figured out that he's stealing money from my wallet, my husband's wallet and just yesterday from his Aunt who was at our home for a party for my son's graduation from 8th grade!

He's been lying (about almost everything) and cheating at school this year as well. He's never straight with us. We have taken his phone away many times (he's currently on day 9 of no phone for something his was dishonest about last week)

He's on Zoloft 100mg and Ritalin 5mg. He sees a therapist once a week. We do enforce consequences, he's got a checklist on his wall that lists chores, activities and things he has to do every day.

Does anyone out there have a kid that is lying this badly? Does this just go with ADHD?

He basically is inside because he has no phone, he goes to basketball camp and football camp, but there are no friends coming over and he isn't hanging out with anyone because we don't trust him.

Anyone going through this? I am sick to my stomach all the time.

[Knitting20projects]

Can you ask your son’s therapist about additional diagnoses? This behavior makes me wonder about additional things (ADHD itself doesn’t necessarily go with stealing). 2 common diagnoses seen can be oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder. Also, is he in continued outpatient substance use disorder treatment? I would worry what he is needing $ for. I’m sorry, I understand completely why you are very worried. Especially with the fentanyl crisis right now, I would probably contact his therapist this week with these behaviors. I am also concerned about whether he could be trying to buy pills at the sports camps? I may be way off base here. And if so, please forgive me. But these behaviors make me very concerned (I’m a pediatrician & used to work with a vulnerable population & unfortunately I always have to think of the most dangerous things). I am wondering if he needs UAs or to reevaluate his substance use. Definitely don’t test him yourself because that will not send a good message. Hugs and please excuse my directness—I just worry about teens nowadays.

[Knitting20projects in reply to Knitting20projects]

PS Im wondering if his Ritalin dose is controlling his ADHD symptoms adequately & maybe a psychiatrist follow up appointment to optimize his medication could help? Short acting stimulants have higher abuse & diversion (Eg resale to others) potential than long acting forms. Not saying he’s doing anything underhanded but anytime someone has a substance history you have to consider it.

[N3v3rgiveup in reply to Knitting20projects]

I appreciate your directness 100%. I am getting him officially tested for other diagnoses in July. I am also worried about what he needs the money for. I ask him and he says he just likes to have it. He says it fills an empty space within him. I talk with him, saying money never fills a void, no matter how much you have, and you have to fill that space with helping others, exercising, feeling good about yourself, etc.

I already test him for THC and other drugs, we have been doing that since Jan. He actually gives me samples without a fight. I do the level tests so I can tell if he used recently. His primary also puts an official order in for a drug screen with levels when I request it.

I think he needs to go back into a program. I took him in for an assessment last week, but because he isn't suicidal and his cannabis use has decreased, they said he didn't qualify for it. Can you get someone in a mental health program, outpatient or inpatient without heavy drug use or suicidal symptoms?

Thank you so much for your response, you don't know how much you helped me and how you validated my feelings. This has consumed my life for the past 6-9 months.

[Knitting20projects]

I don’t know if he would qualify for something like intensive outpatient treatment or a day program. I wonder if he has been evaluated recently by a psychiatrist? Maybe that’s what I would consider doing now. Just because of the stealing and discussing emptiness inside. I don’t know if it’s a stimulation seeking behavior, risk taking, internal emptiness like sometimes seen in personality disorders (I don’t mean he has one—I’m grasping at anything), etc. Lastly, I would hope a therapist has asked about trauma, including a history of sexual abuse. I am sorry to raise a possibly triggering issue on this board. It is sometimes not asked about in boys & is more common than people might think. There is nothing about his story that makes me bring this up. I just have seen that history drive some mental health issues before that suddenly responded to treatment after it was discovered and treated, too. Sending you big hugs.

[N3v3rgiveup]

Yes, I will call a few tomorrow. He sees an NP for his medication. I just don't think it's working out. I messaged his primary to call me. Maybe his primary could get him into a program? We will see. Thank you again. You are very kind.

[Knitting20projects in reply to N3v3rgiveup]

Your primary care doctor will definitely know more about local resources and may have additional thoughts since s/he knows you and your son well. Sending good thoughts and healing your way.

[Onthemove1971]

Welcome to the group! So sorry about your struggles. You will get wonderful advice. If you get a chance please read all of the old posts about children with ADHD and stealing in previous post.

Please take care of yourself during this stressful time.

Know we are always here for you.

[sceller]

The lying, cheating, etc. frequently go with ADHD - and especially with these teen boys. My first question is: what is he spending the money on? Drugs? Junk food? My second piece of advice is to get a lock for your bedroom door and anywhere else you don't want him to be. We kept our bedroom door locked for years! He's going to be an ass for quite a while longer - don't take it to heart. He will most likely turn out just fine, but not until he's a lot older. Their brains just don't develop as quickly as other non-ADHD kids.

[anirush]

He must be terribly bored which might make all his other symptoms worse. At least he goes to camp. Would you not let friends over supervised?

My grandson used to steal. I kept my purse where he could not find it. He outgrew that. Often meds adjustments take care of uncontrollable symptoms. Sometimes they just can't stop themselves without meds and counseling on learning control.