Teaching money habits

[Bunny5689]

My 12 year old was diagnosed with ADHD hyperactivity last year and he’s on methylphenidate during the school day. He is really organized and gets straight A’s in school but struggles with math. His main struggles are impulsivity and constantly being on the go. He talks a lot, moves a lot, eats a lot, etc. One things we are struggleing with lately is him wanting to spend money on things that he doesn’t need but wants. It’s like he spends to relieve stress etc. I realize there is a dopamine release involved in spending money and getting new things but we are concerned for his future and we’re having a tough timing getting the message across. I almost feel like we need to create more boundaries around it like give him a debit card, save half, spend half, and then he can “learn” that once his money is spent then its gone? I’m having a hard time with this morally, because he will make really poor choices. I know most older parents might say, well yeah, that’s the point. I don’t want to be all or nothings but I’m having a hard time thinking of appropriate numbers where he can take some risk and not be wreck less. Also, he’s been trying to get his gaming set-up just right and is constantly returning things on amazon to get different things. It’s annoying to his father and I because if he doesn’t have anything on order he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Maybe this is all part of the process and with some boundaries, we need to give him freedom within limits. I’d love to hear any parents with similar kids chime in on what’s been helpful. I’m aware of the step cards, green light. We don’t need help setting up a card, just what’s appropriate to allow him. I’ve alraeady set the rule of not candy/soda/treats. He will go to circle K and go nuts if we let him. The crazy thing is my other son has no desire to spend money like this also has inattentive ADHD.

We value saving and he has a bank account with a good amount of money in it, but we don’t want to give him access to it. I guess at some point he will have access to it and we just want him to slow down and learn that he doesn’t need everything others have.

[Yellow-cello]

Hi! I think you are right about freedom with limits. Is he earning his spending money? Or is it your money? I’d have him do jobs to earn it, especially since he has so much energy, which is awesome! Make a list of jobs, such as vacuuming the house (?), and put the dollar amount next to the job. Make it special chores that are not regular ones (those are just to contribute to the family but not for pay). I wonder if this would give him a feeling of satisfaction, help him think twice before spending, and give him something to do. Good luck!

[Smfdaisy]

Hi, I’ve had success with Greenlight. The issue with my 10-year-old is slightly different— everywhere we go, she wants me to buy her things and she would get very upset and often angry if I didn’t get whatever she wanted. Some of her biggest meltdowns happened when I wouldn’t get her something she wanted at Target. Every outing felt like a fight. So I got her a Greenlight card and I put $20 on it every week. (She has a lot of household responsibilities, so I don’t pay her for chores, but that could work too. I also just don’t want one more thing to keep track of! 😆) She can save up for something big or spend it on trinkets and fidgets. But when we are out, I will not buy her ANYTHING. I have to be very consistent about this or she will start pushing limits. She still asks if she can have things when we’re out but I just say “Sure! Did you bring your card with you?” It puts the responsibility entirely on her to remember to bring her card and to make choices about what she wants. She’s had the card for about a year, and it’s been a process— but she is getting more responsible and making better choices. She loves reptiles and she saved up for a terrarium and lights for the blue belly lizards she catches, She has a leopard gecko and some frogs, and she buys the supplies she needs for them. Ultimately, I’m spending less because she’s not constantly pushing for this little thing or that big thing. I make exceptions on vacation, when I’ll get her one small item a day. She appreciates birthdays and holidays more now, and that’s when I do bigger gifts. I’m hoping that as she gets older this will help her understand the value of money and make better choices. Good luck!

[anirush]

My grandson was worse when he was younger. Or added medication has helped. He would follow me around the house saying - can I get, can I get it, can I get it? until I was about to scream. Sometimes waiting him out for an hour would make him loose interest. But it was tough. He now has a debit card (money card) attached to my account. He cannot spend more than I put on there as he earns allowance. So, it can't be overdrawn.

It sounds like he has his own Amazon account. If he keeps exchanging things without costing you or him money, I would say that is something that you need to just ignore.

I certainly would not give him access to a lot of money. Getting control over spending takes lots of time and work.

[Lanego]

Posted a very similar situation just now.Did you try Greenlight as one of the posters suggested. Have you had any success since your post?