Child not enjoying activities they used to love!

[KitesurfingMom]

Hi Everyone. Just wondering if anyone has experienced their child suddenly not participating in an activity they used to love? My 6 yr old son loves swimming. We have had him on Vyvanse for 3 mos and Intuniv for 1 month. He used to love swimming. We have him in lessons at the same place he has always taken them and now he just sits on the wall and refuses to participate. Just trying to understand all the possible whys and what we should do about it.

[thisADHDmum1]

Hello, I feel your struggle and confusion. Our 13yo son, who loves rugby (he is very good at it amd won MVP last year) has recently refused to go to training as he’d prefer to play outside with his friends. We are at a loss too as he’s even declined a post playing for the age group above in a special competition.

[KitesurfingMom in reply to thisADHDmum1]

Thank you for sharing your experience

[Onthemove1971]

Kids go through phases..Have you introduced him to other activities?

Good luck

[KitesurfingMom in reply to Onthemove1971]

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[BLC89]

Hello KitesurfingMom,Sometimes when it's a sudden change like that something might have happened like a kid saying something mean or they were embarrassed. Because Rejection Sensitivity Dysmorphia (RSD) is really common with ADHD seemingly innocent interactions can be turned into huge events in your child's mind.

This happened with my son several times. Once he shared what had happened he was back to his usual self.

Getting to the heart of the issue can be challenging because they are embarrassed or possibly ashamed and don't want to talk about it.

I would usually ask questions and present different options with the embarrassed issue in the middle. i.e. Did something happen at school/practice? Was someone mean to someone else and it made you uncomfortable? Or did someone say something to you? Or did someone make a joke about another kid?

This isn't a great example, but, you put out options and the one that is them being embarrassed is just one of the options, like it's no big deal (even though we know it is).

When you sandwich the embarrassment in there and you are not making a big deal about it, that can make it easier for them to start the conversation.

If you come at them with "did something happen? Was someone mean to you? You can tell me." etc. they pick up on your anxiety about it and will clam up.

All that to say, your kid will pick up on the energy you bring to the situation. If you are anxious or agitated they won't share much.

I hope that makes sense,

BLC89

[BlueStripedMama in reply to BLC89]

YES to this! It's hard for kids to admit that something happened sometimes. When I sense that there is a sudden change for my kiddo, sometimes I say something like, "I'm wondering if something happened to make you feel this way" and offer to write a few options on small slips of paper (like the possibilities you mention above). Then I would say, "can you move the one forward that most closely matches what may be happening?" and also leave some blank paper and a pen beside it offer that they can write a different answer too. Sometimes the non-verbal option for disclosing what happened is easier.

[KitesurfingMom in reply to BLC89]

Thanks for this. I actually tried this by writing down on a piece of paper and he was able to check which answer it was. He just said it was because he was cold now but it was a great strategy and I will use this again so very helpful Thank you

[Imakecutebabies]

Perhaps he's feeling like he's not progressing enough or meeting his own expectations and is frustrated? My ADHD son can have perfectionist tendencies.

Not enjoying your usual activities is also one sign of depression, in case you notice any other signs of it.

[KitesurfingMom in reply to Imakecutebabies]

True and his teacher has mentioned this exact point as well

[Willowbee37]

oh yeah, my 10yr old son has definitely gone through phases with suddenly not wanting to do things. I chalk it up to anxiety. Maybe they are tired from school or just need a minute. Otherwise maybe they need a break from the sport. Even just a day off where you just say, I’ll give you today off but you signed up for the month so after we do have to finish it. See if that helps? We have been there with baseball though!

[KitesurfingMom in reply to Willowbee37]

Yes this is what our primary physician has said as well Thank you

[MorningDanceTrece]

The first thing that comes to my mind about my own self because my son does not seem to be neurodivergent but I certainly am is definitely when I was a little kid and a teenager I would get super gung ho about something and for a lack of a better way of explaining it use up all the interest I had for the activity or subject in too short a period of time.At least according to other people it was too short a period of time.

For me it was right to be super stoked about something for 3 weeks or 5 months and then want to move on but my parents wanted me to like something every day for the rest of my life and couldn't understand when I wanted to do something else.

[KitesurfingMom in reply to MorningDanceTrece]

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[PurplePizza]

The same thing happened to my son when he was on Intuniv. He lost interest in all the activities he used to love. As soon as we stopped it (well, within a week of stopping it) he was back to his normal love of sports, friends, skateboarding, etc. That was our experience on that particular medication, and it was a side effect no one had warned me about.

[KitesurfingMom in reply to PurplePizza]

Thank you for sharing. We are definitely a bit hesitant about Intuniv but the our medical professional insists that this is not a side affect but I do wonder. We do have to weigh out the aggression vs interest. Thank you for your honestly and perspective

[BlueStripedMama]

I agree with all these posts -- could be something specific but my daughter loved taekwondo and then pretty suddenly just lost interest and had zero interest in going. We completely let her stop because at 10 years old, who is supposed to find something and attach to it forever... and those skills will translate to other sports... so we just gave her a bunch of options of something new to try. She's tried track and now water polo and is just kind of having fun exploring more options.

[KitesurfingMom in reply to BlueStripedMama]

Yes it is true

[STEM_Dad]

The person who knows best what your son is going through is him.

Be genuinely curious, not just concerned, and ask him.

Also, discuss this change with his doctor.

It is possible that the medication is effecting his disposition.

It might also be that due to the effectiveness of the medication he doesn't need as much external stimulation. Lots of people with untreated ADHD will engage in a lot of activities (good or bad) in order to get the dopamine fix than they are in need of.

Also, as another parent mentioned, kids change. They go through phrases. Their interests can change overnight sometimes.

Another thought that I had was whether he is self-conscious about something. People can become embarrassed about their appearance, their coordination, their clothing... whatever. Or, they might compare their talents to others and feel that they don't measure up.

So, talk to your son. Try to understand him. If he is experiencing any kind of anxiety, he might need the help of a skilled therapist.

But sometimes a kid just needs a little encouragement. Maybe all he needs is someone to say, "hey, get on out there and have fun!"

[KitesurfingMom in reply to STEM_Dad]

Great Advice. I thought we knew enough but we are realizing how much everyone changes as they grow and their brain develops. I appreciate your time to respond

[anirush]

My grandson excelled in taekwondo.Got up to second degree black belt. Then he just stopped going. He tried going back 4 years later but then decided it just wasn't for him anymore.

I was so disappointed. Loved watching him and hanging out with other parents. But it was his decision.

[KitesurfingMom in reply to anirush]

I know how you feel as it feels so sad to see them not enjoy something they excelled at

[Alt49]

ok I just posted something about some negative impacts of meds and then saw this. I would say my son has had similar impacts as you explained here but hard to know causation vs correlation. Helpful to hear people’s thoughts and would love if you can keep us updated on your experience.

[KitesurfingMom]

Thank you and it is difficult to decipher. I will keep you updated

[KitesurfingMom]

Thanks to everyone who answered my post. I am really grateful to hear a vast array of responses and as weird as it sounds it is nice to hear that others have had similar experiences