Anger and Frustration

[Chitchatter]

My 9yo son has ADHD and SPD. I have the same struggles that many of you have posted about: getting ready for school, getting ready for bed and homework. Within the last few months, he’s been incredibly angry. Small things set him off and he blows up, hitting and kicking walls. He actually cracked a door jam because he kicked it so hard. He blows up at school when he is frustrated. How do you deal with the anger and calming your kiddo down? (He’s been on methylphenidate M-F since he was 8, so I don’t think it’s the meds)

[hope111]

We haven’t tried this but have been intrigued at the idea of one of those inflatable punching bags, outside if weather permits, as a way to channel aggression and physiciality. As in ‘it is ok to be angry, but it is not ok to damage the house’ and instead redirect to the punching bag. Saw one recently with lights that flash as targets on the bag that seemed to be enticing to a 9 year old relatice

[anirush]

If the medication was working fine until now the dosage may need to be adjusted. Both of my grandsons have had problems with anger. We have had to add a mood stabilizer or anti-depressant to take care of that problem. You need to talk to your doctor about this

[La_Indy]

My son has ADHD and autism and struggled with lots of anger and meltdowns when he was younger. For him, counseling, social skills classes, and medication (mood stabilizer + antidepressant + stimulant) made a huge difference. Realize it was very difficult as a parent to make the decision to have my child on 3 medications, but these changes happened gradually and in stages. I feel it is also important to help your son use his words to describe his feelings. This can be very hard in the beginning and it is important to wait to talk about what he was feeling once he calms down. His feelings are real but he needs to find a different, more acceptable way of expressing them. My son busted up drywall, broke a door, and punched his fist through a window during his preteen years, but now at 25, he is the calmest person I know. He is no longer on a mood stabilizer and rarely needs a stimulant. The only thing he takes is an antidepressant during the winter months. One of my happiest moments was when he was about 13 years old. He was so angry his fists were clenched and shaking, but he used his words to say "I am so angry right now!" and he didn't destroy anything. A psychologist I work with uses the phrase "If you can name it, then you can tame it." So if you can help your son talk about what he is feeling then he can begin to deal with it in a calmer way.

[ScatteredMommy]

Behavioral therapy helped a lot. We found a program where the kids had group and parents had a different group. It made a big difference. Particularly helpful with teaching him to breathe thru it. At home we have some funny phrases that we use to distract away from the anger. And at school he says them in his head.

[Onthemove1971]

Chitchatter-

Does it appear these behaviors happen before and after the medication wears off or before he has taken it?

Are you only giving 1 medication?

Have you spoken to a child psychiatrist?

I am here to tell you that things don't get easier. How we parent our son when he is not on medication is very different. There has to be an understanding that there is no medication in his system, so our demands change.

If this is all happening while he is on the medication ( if he takes long last 30 min. After he takes and up to 6 hours later) then the medication is not working right.

The first thing we do when his eyes are open is give medication, we then give his body a chance for the medication to work. Then we start the day, but not before. Same in the afternoon, 2nd dose wait then start homework/sports.

Hope this makes sense.

[Chitchatter in reply to Onthemove1971]

Onthemove1971 We work with a neurologist on meds because it’s difficult to get into a child psychiatrist in my area. He was in guanfacine to help with impulsivity and coming off the stimulant, but it just made him so tired all the time. (Even the smallest dose)

I think most of his outbursts happen before we give him the meds and after they’ve worn off. I don’t give him the meds until 30 min before school so they last the entire school day.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Chitchatter]

That is what it sounds like.. we were there before. Our son is now 12 years old. Have you thought about an extended medication and a second dose when he gets home?

We did the exact same thing hoping that the morning would go smoothly and we found it never worked. So we give first thing. This medication has been the best, it wears off in the middle of his last class ( the teacher is aware of this and we have strategies in place) which for us is a non-acadmic class. Even in elementary school, there is a lot less going on at the end of the day. We then re-dose as soon as we pick up for afternoon homework and sports and this medication wears off before bed. We then do a 24 hour initiv which helps with sleep and focus. So he is only taking 1 dose at a time.

I would also consider increasing the dose and see how it goes. We started way to low and now on a higher dose it has been life changing.

I also assume you are just waiting to see a child psychiatrist? Please don't give up on that, I wish we started not ended with the psychiatrist, they truly know what they are doing and once you establish with them they are such an important help.

Hope this helps, we also contuine to discuss anger and behavior in thearpy ( this also is extremely helpful, so that I am not the one calling out the bad behavior).

Hope this helps, I really believe that maturity also plays a role in this. We no long have any major outburst...finger crossed.

[Chitchatter]

Thanks for all of you ur replies. He attended a social skills group for over a year and we didn’t see a huge improvement in anything. He sees a behaviorist, but I’m just thinking it’s not the right fit. I’ll have to start investigating options. Our other issue is that he’s a sports junkie. We do karate and another sport each season, so it’s been difficult to fit services in on a consistent basis this year.

[Onthemove1971]

Go with your gut.. when it is not working don't contuine. Sports are sometimes more important.

[justanote]

It's likely that your son is overstimulated by what is going on around him. Once my son was having a hard time at a social event at school. He came to me and said he just needed to "be quiet". I found an open classroom with a reading corner. The teacher let him go in and he sat by himself for about 20 minutes. This quiet time helped him immensely! I know that not every child can communicate what they need, but perhaps this is something you could try at home. Create a corner in his room or another room that has some of his favorite things - bean bag chair, books, stuffed animals. Let him know it's not punishment, but a place where he can give himself a timeout from the sights and sounds that are too much for him to handle. If this works for him at home, perhaps it could be implemented at school. I'm praying that you will find a solution that will help him manage his surroundings.