Stay at home mom of difficult toddler - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Stay at home mom of difficult toddler

bamamommyof2 profile image
10 Replies

My son is 3 and suspected of having adhd, ocd, and sensory processing disorder. I thought starting preschool back would help with his hyper ness/adhd type issues but it’s worse! He’s constantly bumping into you or things, spinning, screaming, running in circles, literally bouncing off walls. He loves school&He goes 5 days 830-12 and has speech/OT 1 day. He does not listen to me whatsoever, it got worse when his sister was born bc I let him get away w/-a lot bc I was so exhausted and now nothing works. Spankings, time outs, he listens to his dad but he works nights. Around me he is severely whiny and horrible and sometimes dangerous to the 1 yr old Bc he’s so hyper. Waiting on appt for official evaluation but it takes 6 months. He just started sleeping all night, but up at 4am and some nights up 3-4 times. I’m miserable. He won’t cooperate for me, I try to do fun things and learning things with him especially when the 1 yr old is asleep but after a few minutes he’s throwing a tantrum and tearing whatever we are playing with up. He has started this new fake hysterical whine/cry he does when he don’t get his way, when he can’t do something like put his shoe/sock on, use spoon, etc and now his sister started doing it. Help please!

10 Replies
ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD

I am glad to hear that you are seeking professional help. What I was struck by was that you wrote that it takes 6 months to get. I wonder if your pediatrician (or your own psych folks) could help you move things faster. Even the public school (locally public school kind of takes over for Early Intervention around age 4) would have to complete it within 60 days of written request. Even "cold calling" could get you to a medical doctor within a few weeks. If you live in a area with a medical college and affiliated hospital (except for extremely rural locations, most people live within a 2 hour drive of such a place) check their website for the the dept of child neurology and just call. Even your pediatrician could start the evaluation. Most pediatricians would get a 3 year old in within a day or 2. The pediatrician could, perhaps, help get things moving with neurologist, too (although in my experience, I can always get things moving faster by doing it myself). So, you're on tne right track with getting the pros involved to help; you just shouldn't wait 6 months. So, involve the pediatrician (not to mention your own adult psych folks) reachout to Early intervention, call (then write) schooll district, but first, cold call child neurologist. If these ideas don't lead to an appt for your son within just a few weeks (rather than 6 months) write back and I will throw out some other ideas to get you in faster. Good luck.

Nats2005 profile image
Nats2005 in reply to ADHD_DAD

I agree. Also, I believe there are two sorts of evaluations that can be done. There's the more extensive neurophsycological evauation/testing, and that's what tends to have the long lead time. There is also a shorter evaluation that any child psychologist with experience in ADHD and similar issues should be able to perform. It just involves the parent(s) filling out a couple of questionnaires, and having an office visit to observe the child.

Our pediatrician recommended a psychiatrist who did the latter and we had a diagnosis in a week. Then the psychiatrist on our pediatric practice's staff was able to get us started with medication.

We've talked about the more extensive testing, and it is probably valuable down the road, but based on our experience it isn't needed to get started.

Also, part of the long lead time is that there tend to be limited places to get the testing that are covered by insurance. There may be other providers with shorter lead times, but you'd be on the hook for the whole cost.

ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD

P.S. perhaps hold off on the spankings until after you can get the pros involved (then ask them about it). I am sure you know that if the issues are related to a medical diagnosis, punishment without treatment won't be successful. Again, good luck.

Nats2005 profile image
Nats2005 in reply to ADHD_DAD

I agree. In the heat of the moment it can be hard to resist, but any of the experienced parents here can tell you negative reinforcement doesn't work. In fact, it makes the behavior worse. Young children want attention and don't care what form. If they see they can get attention by misbehaving, they'll ramp that up. Parenting a child with ADHD means really having to ramp up the positive reinforcement.

And of course there are volumes of research to suggest corporal punishment can have long-term consequences for a child.

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971

Thank you for finding the group. We welcome you.

I remember those days... they are long and hard.

Here is one piece of advice... try to just survive..

A child not listening is one of the symptoms of ADHD. I am no doctor. But have lived through this. One reason he is doing that is that he is hyper focused on something of interest.

Until you get help for him try to take care of yourself, have coffee with someone, take a hot bath.. Try to get some alone time if possible.

Children with ADHD get better with 3 tools ( medication, thearpy and an educational plan). In addition maturity helps a lot. It is estimated that they are about 2 years younger in the way they act.

When our son was young I thought the way he acted back then meant he was going to fail and have a bad life. I do not believe that now. Our son is a young freshman and wants to go to college and get a good job. He does chores and he plays sports.

Know we are here to listen and share our journey.

One last thing, many other women have "perfect" children that sit and listen. Please don't compare your child to theirs, they are not alike, your child will show you great things... just in a different way ( with endless energy)

Big hug and hang in there.

Aspen797 profile image
Aspen797

That age can be really difficult. I like Onthemove1971's advice about self-care. When our kids are behaviorally different, it's easy to become frustrated and disappointed. Unfortunately that can sometimes perpetuate poor behavior in kids who don't respond as well to typical parenting. It can be disheartening. You're doing the right things by seeking a diagnosis and therapy. Neuropsychologists and developmental pediatricians are tough to get appointments with. We had a year wait for our son and did what you are doing ---started getting evals and therapy independently while we waited. Is the therapy in school or out of school? Your child would likely benefit from both. You may wish to call your state parent resource and information center. They're often a very good source of advice on services and rights. parentcenterhub.org/find-yo... Hang in there!

Harnessinghope profile image
Harnessinghope

Welcome to our group. Please keep trying to do the best that you can for yourself and your little ones. It can be incredibly tough sometimes.

Some excellent recommendations are listed above. Any sorts of parenting programs that you can find may be helpful- 1,2,3 Magic or Love and Logic. You also need to try to squeeze in time for yourself, where you can to try to unwind.

Please take care.

barneyjing profile image
barneyjing

It is hard but with the support of the right professionals, friends and family you can get a team to support you and your family and it does get better

Regarding the long wait time for an evaluation, is this due to Covid?

Our son just had an assessment and we had to call a lot of places to find someone that either didn’t have a huge backlog or was prepared to do in-person evaluations (like you, we found some weren’t available for 6 months)

We did find one eventually, following a tip from a pediatrician who had heard via her network that they were ‘open’ - so do persevere

Hope this helps

Take care

RichSeitzOceanNJ profile image
RichSeitzOceanNJ

Google Pax tools on you tube for these to help you at home while you search for help.

Nats2005 profile image
Nats2005

Even without a diagnosis, you may find some of the books on ADHD and ODD helpful. Look up Russell Barkley's "Taking Charge of ADHD" and Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child".

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