Suggestions

[AnxiousMom99]

My son is 12, adhd. He has some issues keeping friends, they usually end up getting mad at him or annoyed and then they will tell him stuff like he’s stupid, not good at anything etc. he is always trying to do stuff to be funny or liked, to fit in. Other times they are super nice to him and supportive but this is a cycle. My son has a big personality he’s usually loud and will interrupt while in conversation. He is not good with the comebacks when they are going back and forth. His self esteem is really suffering bc he takes everything so personally. He’s in a social skills class but it’s like he doesn’t get it. This is so frustrating bc he is a great kid just a bit socially awkward

[MeadowLane5]

As a fellow mom with same situation I feel your pain. We are trying our best to model conversations in the hopes that one day it will stick. I’m thinking theatre class would be helpful as you need to wait your turn, project your voice and control volume and work collaboratively.

[NycLiMom]

I totally understand. My son's socially piece came out when we moved out of Manhattan.The kids felt the same when he was trying to be social, the kids got annoyed, irritated and called him names.

We have him on meds, sports (2), therapy and going to a small private school. I think it all helps to some degree.

It's heartbreaking that he can't have healthy friendships at his age. I'm trying to be positive and supportive with him having more respect for others. I keep making him aware to take his time with kids.

It's just being repetitive.

[Sankhara]

Hi Anxious Mom, I totally get it. I also have a 12-year-old who has ADHD and really struggles socially. He is in a tiny private school and has had a very hard time keeping friends. Similarly, he has a big, loud personality, interrupts a lot, and has a sense of humor that often is off-putting to his classmates. He is very intellectually bright, but struggles to read social cues in the moment, and I have observed that he doesn't really know when to stop being silly - when a joke has gone too far. He has faced a lot of rejection in the last year and a half, in this particular school. He has gotten into Dungeons and Dragons, and we are going to move him to another small private school that has kids who share the same interests. I am worried that similar patterns will emerge in the new school, as it seems that he mostly struggles in a school setting (but not camps, D & D games, etc.). It is really hard, and so painful. We are about to start therapy (which we did when he was young, but it was hard to figure out during the pandemic). He has been taking medication for a year, and he does neurofeedback regularly. These two things have helped tremendously with self-regulation and excessive talking. We are also a lot of contemplative practices in the home. But he still seems very young emotionally...

[AnxiousMom99]

Thank you all 💗wish our kids could be friends!! Lol In a perfect world adhd kids could have small meetups over the wknd and be themselves instead of trying to “fit in”

[Jalapenochips in reply to AnxiousMom99]

I regret not trying to find some fellow parents for our kids to have play dates. I wanted to but I'm single and my schedule doesn't match other families. If you have time you should definitely seek them out because it will make a huge difference for his self esteem 🙏

[AnxiousMom99 in reply to Jalapenochips]

I’m 45 and I myself find it so hard to even find parents that want to connect for the sake of the kids. We live in the suburbs our kids go to a Charter School the kids come from all over the city to attend the school so we don’t have many that live near us. I find that most parents these days just let their kids be social online which is awful for real life bonding. Sorry for the lengthy post

[Jalapenochips in reply to AnxiousMom99]

I can relate to your heartache and frustration 😞 I am 62 raising my niece who is about to turn 15. It’s hard to connect with moms that are in the 30’s lol. She also has a hard time making friends and it makes it even worse that she goes to school where I work not where we live. Unless the kids or families invite her to their homes then we go home to ours where she doesn’t have any friends there either. I think the best thing that you can do is possibly join next door.com in your area and mention where you live on this type of website(s) and ask if there’s any other families that would like to do weekend get together‘s. I’m in Southern California. Good weather/too crowded and expensive 😉

[Chulavistamom]

I have the same problem with my daughter who is 13. Not keeping friends, trying to please them but then interrupts them and soon she is with no friends.. I have her in a program called TBS where they come to your home three times a week.two or three hours each day. It's a bit overwhelming sometimes, but as long as it helps her that's all I care. I see a small bit of improvement, but she still needs to be reminded often..although she doesn't like it. We have to try anything that helps. Stay strong.

[Shamasamdrew]

So often our kids can’t take the perspective of others which really negatively impacts their social skills. A great resource to help cultivate some skills is ADHD Dude. He has videos for kids and adults that help with social skills and executive function skills. He has a YouTube channel as well as a website where you can pay for content. He also contributes regularly to ADDitude Magazine.

[Sankhara in reply to Shamasamdrew]

Thank you! We will check it out!

[KayakingCat in reply to Shamasamdrew]

I second the recommendation for ADHD Dude. He has a lot of suggestions for boys, in particular. It's so hard to see your kiddo struggle socially. I'm right there with you. It's like he doesn't know when to stop, and he can't read the social signals right in front of him.

[Danseuse]

I second ADHD Dude. He addresses this issue and many others in his helpful videos. The one that I recognized and really helped me was the “conversation vortex”. Watch him on YouTube and find him on the web.

[Jalapenochips]

My daughter is still experiencing the social struggles but since I started her on Concerta she has more balance with her friends and I've noticed she sharing positive feedback (normal) since she started the medication. I truly wish that she'll learn she can navigate friendships while she's on the meds but hope it'll stay with her should she decide to stop the medication. Hang in there🙏