social skills - greeting others

[Alt49]

my son struggles a lot with greeting others or responding when others ask a question. I’ve noticed it mostly with adults because those are the ones usually initiating convos. While he does at times proactively greet or say bye to friends he’s not the most social kid out there but his lack of interaction in the scenarios has me thinking. Is this an adhd thing (he’s diagnosed)? Is this indicative of something else? Any strategies, programs etc that can help me teach him?

[BLC89]

Hello Alt49,We have a similar situation in our house and my husband told my son they are going to work on it. We are a family that hugs so my husband hugs my son every day and comments on how good he is getting at it. They also shake hands regularly, it's kind of silly but the practice pays off.

So practice with your son, explain how it can help him feel more connected. Give him a script to work with. The more he does it the easier it becomes.

Yes it is common with ADHDers to have challenges socially partly because they feel different from others, or social anxiety from being called out for the simple stuff, or because their mind is elsewhere and they just aren't paying attention.

Give them the tools and then practice, they will get there.

BLC89

[Alt49 in reply to BLC89]

Thanks for your reply. Very helpful

[Aspen797]

If you are worried, you could seek a speech therapy evaluation for pragmatic language. Regardless of diagnosis, they can help give tools and teach social skills if he happens to be behind. There are a lot of social skill books and programs. Michelle Garcia Winner has a social thinking program that many speech therapists use. A couple good parent focused books are “Why Won’t Anybody Play with Me?” and Fred Frankel’s Friend books (several). They are more focused on teaching skills through play with your child. The PEERS program is another skill program, pretty formulaic, with video’s and practice. A speech therapist is probably the best place to start if any extra help is needed.

[Alt49 in reply to Aspen797]

Very helpful. Thanks for all the resources. Looking into these now

[eva2022]

My son has ADHD and ASD. He sounds very similar to your son. The publication from Boys Town “Teaching Social Skills to Youth” has been very helpful.

[Alt49 in reply to eva2022]

Thank you!

[Chicagomom]

I completely understand where you are coming from, my ADHD daughter is very similar. I don’t necessarily think this is an ADHD trait, however. My daughter was also diagnosed with selective mutism when she was really young. She’s gotten better over the years, but is nowhere near her peers in terms of communication with adults. As she gets older, I worry people will take this as rudeness on her part. I have always thought my daughter was somewhat on the Spectrum but multiple evaluations say no. In any event, I would not recommend speech therapy for this. We found a therapist versed in selective mutism and it has been helpful. Good luck!

[Alt49 in reply to Chicagomom]

Super helpful. My son’s teacher suggested asd but no clinician has ever thought so. I’ll look into Selective mutism therapy. I’ve reached out to his psychologist on the topic so will see what she says. I understand the rude part. I already feel people feel that way

[Alt49 in reply to Chicagomom]

Ok I just read more about selective mutism and this sounds exactly like my son

[Alt49 in reply to Alt49]

I also think he has anxiety so this makes a lot of sense

[Chicagomom in reply to Alt49]

Therapy can be very helpful, especially with someone who understands the condition. Sending my best wishes for you and your son!

[WYMom]

They have an additutde podcast about it that's pretty good. I started prepping my kids ahead of time. We'd be in the car and I'd say, when we get there you say hi grandma how are you. Etc etc

[Alt49 in reply to WYMom]

Great idea. Thx

[Crazyboymomma]

wow, following this thread because this is my son 100%!!

[Mamamichl]

it depends. Is it because he’s nervous? It could be the emotional swings of ADHD. How social is he with people he knows? If it’s not as social as other kids, he could have autism/asd. Has he always been this way?

[Alt49 in reply to Mamamichl]

He is social w people he knows. Certainly not charmer/life of the party though. Sometimes may seek attention in odd ways because he doesn’t always fit in. He doesn't seem to have trouble going into a new camp for example and talking to kids he doesnt know. He has always been reserved but I didn’t notice anything when he was younger that seemed abnormal. Once he started kindergarten this seemed to come out. I think partly because my expectations changed since he’s older (ie he should be able to communicate w other parents) and also he struggled a lot at school (behaviorally prior to starting stimulants) so his school experience lowered his self confidence and made him more anxious.

[Mamamichl in reply to Alt49]

That’s definitely possible. You could talk to his doctor about his anxiety. You may also want to look into getting a neuro psych test to make sure it’s not Asd or something else.

[im-blue in reply to Alt49]

Hi, I just read your posts and thought I might share my personal experience being me without a proper diagnosis. I never quite got along well with kids my age. Had a terrible time making friends in school and often got myself into bad situations being socially immature/ too trusting. Spent 20+ years struggling, seeing many therapists and psychiatrists to finally be diagnosed with ADHD in my early 40's and recently ASD two years after that diagnosis . It has also taken me this long to have more candles on my birthday cake than employers listed on my C.V.

I was able to use my talents to get ahead at times, but for the most part life was really hard and I would eventually burn out trying to keep up with the neurotypical folk. It would have been a massive help to have known this about myself at your son's age or at least to have someone explain that I was just different and not a defective person. It would have helped my parents to know that socially, I would mature a lot slower than my cousins of similar age or even my younger brother.

Some professionals might be wary of giving a child a label that many see as a perjorative, but know that others will make up their own labels that are definitely perjorative with or without a diagnosis. Your best bet is to help him discover his talents and his sensitivities as early as possible, then how to own them and make them his personal brand that he can be proud of. Another plus to an ASD diagnosis is the legal right to supports and accommodations provided by your school district.

I strongly recommend listening to Dr. Theresa Regan's podcasts and also visiting Dr. Bernadette Grosjean's YouTube channel. Whether or not he has Autism and/or just ADHD, you can learn a lot from these two experts. Dr. Regan runs an Autism diagnostic clinic and Dr. Grosjean is an Autistic psychiatrist with decades in the mental health field.

Hope you find the answers you are looking for soon, it sounds like you are already well on your way there.

[Alt49 in reply to im-blue]

Thank you for sharing your experience and for your suggestions. His adhd diagnosis has helped tremendously in understanding him and his needs and how to best support him. I can understand the benefits of understanding if there is more going on. Luckily (at this point at least) a diagnosis has not prevented him from getting the supports he needs at school through his iep.