So I'm 100% sure I suffer from depression and almost just as sure that I have borderline personality disorder.
It all started with my weight fluctuating as I grew up all my life. The time I finally lost 60 pounds my body became unhealthy and I lost my gall bladder due to bad nuittition. I wasnt eating what my body needed although I was eating healthy.
After I gained twice the weight back my self esteem has vanished and all the confidence I use to have went with it. I honestly don't even know who I am anymore. I was a artist for the logest time and use to enjoy doing ir daily. Now I only draw once a week. I never have the motivation to create anymore and it saddens me as I thought I knew that I was an artist.
I just recently moved to NYC after I'be been dreaming about it most of my life. I made it a reality 3 weeks ago alone.
What concerns me is that now that I'm here I'' still having suicidal thoughts and times where I dont know if I belong here. Its so hard for me to make a real connection with people. I have a hard time making friends. I have no boyfriend or potential lover either. I literally have no one. My phone can go weeks without any texts coming in. It seems as my existance does not matter to anyone. It seems as I cannot hold on to any friendships.
I just want to be fixed already before I actually do something permanent one day because of how down I feel at the moment. Life seems hopeless and I see no light at the end of the tunnel.