It's early hours on this Sunday morning and I had been a sleep for probably 2 hrs. So I thought I would write a little post all about myself.
I had served in the Army for 19 and a bit years before I was medically discharged with what was mentioned above.
During that time I had served in various bases within the UK and had been to Cyprus for 2 years and spent quite a lot of time in Germany too. I had also been to various hotspots in the world but I guess you don't need to hear me ramble on about them so I won't.
During my career I was married to a beautiful woman for 14 odd years but that broke down after I had been away and she had stated that she had found someone to replace me. I then took to binge drinking mainly on the weekends then maybe the odd school day. I had then met another gorgeous woman on a date site and we had hit it of like a rocket. I would be back on leave and spent most of it with her but that ended just over 5 weeks ago.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar with depression and anxiety attacks in January 2014 after I had eaten a Burger King. I had felt a little unhappy which then turned out to be me crying uncontrollably. I just wanted to get away from everything. I hadn't slept properly in years I was resorting to binge drinking I had lost weight dramatically. I had to speak to someone because this was so out of character for me and I did my St John leader who then got in touch with my boss who was also my Medical Officer and I voluntarily went to seek help in a hospital where they diagnosed me with the above. I was told that I was no longer allowed to do the job that I loved and had spent 18 months trying to change my life from serving in the forces to becoming a civilian.
I have been out since 2015 and I find it really hard. Like I mentioned earlier I left my girlfriend of six brilliant years and now living by myself and working a full time job where there is no social life
The hardest thing for me right now is controlling my symptoms and my anger. Trying so damn hard not to take my life from me because that's too easy to walk away from it regardless how much hurt there is and believe it or not that's no answer for anything or anyone because it's like a virus it destroys families and friends it just no good to do it. I had thought about it but no solution adds up to it. I have a very close friend who I talk to on a regular basis and she is fantastic about it all but that's a it is. There is someone out there for everyone regardless of your situation who will listen to your problems and who will help too. Easier said than done though just keep chipping at this thing callled life it's not easy but if I was then it would be a dull life. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel regardless how far you are from it.
My friends I hate to say but don't give up its not the answer there is always sun after a rainy day.