Hi, im 25 years old, I have suffered on off for as long as I can remember from depression, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, and self harm. It was only recently around may time that this time around i was feeling it all just so much more intense and I realised I needed to go to the dr and get help. Ii had got to the point where I was completely isolating myself, at the time I was working and living on a farm, I had been there 7years, but had been going up there since I was 12, so my emplyer was more a friend than a boss, and I was never pressured about time, which is why I was able to hide my problems for so long, but at the time I went for help, she was starting to see it...I had actually truthfully been isolating myself for a long time...I had become very ocd, washing my hands alot, nbeing weird about contamination, not eating with people and only eating things I had made myself...and had started to punch walls again, something I did when I was younger, but she noticed my knuckles and asked about it, so after the confrontation I started to hurt myself in other ways in places not so noticable.i have very low self esteem and confidance, this has been a problem my whole life. I also only get between1-3 hours sleep a night and thats broken, not in a block...some nights I dont get any, which I know wont help how im feeling, my dr wont change the dose of medicaton wich Initially helped me sleep. And at times when I just feel so much pain inside that I can't deal with and have thoughts that the only way out of it, the dark place im in, would be to end my life, I feel the medication isnt working. But I dont have quite so many racing thoughts like before, although I have no concentration just now. I am no longer at the farm as they couldnt deal with me and my issues. ..she thought I was over my past and was happy. To be honest I have very rarly felt happy. I dont fit in anywhere...I was abused as a child which is a bit part of my problem.
Sorry this has turned out to be so long, once I started I found I needed to keep going, I dont have anyone to talk to about this, that would actually understand.