I dont know if I can handle this

[Sunshine425]

Long story short: my stepmom is an alchoholic. She has brought so much stress to my father and our family. My dad and little brother (age 19) suffer the most now a days... they live with her. Shes suffering from serosis of the liver and ruined her chance of getting a new liver. If she cant maintain sobriety and take care of herself... its only a matter of time. Shes already had 2 close calls where doctors gave her months to live. This morning my dad and her were supposed to get on a plane for vacation. She showed up drunk and TSA wouldnt allow them on the plane. My dad is the most loving, understanding gentle man. He has a lot of patience but as youd guess has been going through a lot of frusterstions and stress. This is it for me. My dad is giving up all hope that life can change for his marriage. But he'll stick it out with the marriage anyway with boundries..... but im hurt. Not that I have any say, or any control. Ive tried to step in. But you can not help someone who doesnt want to be helped. Im getting married in 6 months, I want to tell my dad she is not to be a part of our journey in anyway. I love and care about her.... but we all deserve better! 💔😥

[Starrlight]

❤️

[PNIAuthor60]

The experience you have described is common in most alcoholic families. I would strongly suggest that each of you locate an Al-anon Family Group in your area as this is a support group specifically for family and friends of alcoholics. You will meet others with similiar experiences who have learned new ways of relating to the alcoholic and taking care of their own wellbeing,

Their email is [e-mail], they are also on Facebook and Twitter and you can call them as well at 888-425-2666. They also have a wonderful little magazine full of true life experiences of other members called The Forum. Inquire as to meetings in your area and treat yourself to a meeting.

I understand all too well the frustration and anger that you may be struggling with as well as the confusion - Al-anon will help you all cope by teaching you how to take care of yourselves regardless of what the alcoholic may be doing. They will also help you to respond with compassion and a degree of understanding.

I know intimately well of the impact of such things as I was raised by two alcoholic parents. Al-anon helped me so much and I know it would give you all support that right now you don't have.

[Sunshine425 in reply to PNIAuthor60]

I love and care about her so much. Despite her actions my dad is in love with her. We have handled it with tough love but then when we found out she was dieing we turned to compassion and support. My dad and I offered to go to meetings with her. She went to rehab for 2 days.......... we deft need support. And I will encourage everyone to get support. They are all very stubborn though. For me, sites like this are my saving grace🌻💕 thank you.

[Kkimm in reply to Sunshine425]

I have great sympathy for what you are all going through, it must be so tough. I do agree with the previous writer that Al anon relatives support could be of great help to you. You sound as if you have all done an amazingly well by continuing to love and support your mom throughout. Alcohol addiction lead to such horrendous problems within families as well as totally destroying the life of the person with the addiction.

Is there a way your mom could be supported to have a very short and supervised part to play in your wedding day. Perhaps be brought by a friend or relative who could be with her before hand to help her stay sober, just to the service only for example. I have full sympathy if this is not what you want and you are more than entitled to feel like that and stick with that decision but I also wonder if you will have any regrets in the future if you exclude her totally.

It is really tough though and whatever you decide I realise may lead to regrets.

My very best wishes for the future to you all.

Kim

[Sunshine425 in reply to Kkimm]

My dad and I talked. He said week leading up, even day of if she is drinking she just wont be able to come. Its that simple. Her actions in public have done so much damage. My little brother kept his college orientation a secret from her. Shes showed up drunk to everyone of her kids births of the grandkids. This is a battle I am not willing to have. Ill give her a chance as I always do....but im so blessed my dad is also at his wits end and willing to make sure my day is special.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Sunshine425]

Great idea. See what the future holds.

Your dad is understanding of your issue and that's the support you need.

You both will figure it out when the time comes.

[Kkimm in reply to Sunshine425]

Yes I see the problem and think that is the way forward. Wonderful that your dad is so supportive and understanding

[Sunshine425 in reply to Kkimm]

Im so lucky to have supoortive people on here like you. You are very kind kim💕

[Sunshine425 in reply to Sunshine425]

Dolphin you as well, are becomming a bright light on my journey. Im glad to be a part of this community with all of you!

[Hidden in reply to PNIAuthor60]

PNIAuthor60

Good advice. I endorse everything you say.

[Kkimm in reply to PNIAuthor60]

Excellent reply

[JEG325]

This is a tough one alright. But as you stated you can't make other people do what YOU want. But, you also can't let then ruin YOUR life. If your mom refuses to change then you have to go on and live your life. You're getting married and you have a loving man at your side. So worry about loving him, your dad and your little brother.

Life is what you make it. Though PNA60 has a point too, you have a lot on your plate right now. Keep preparing for your wedding, get all the details in your life straightened out before the big day and find whatever time you can to show your dad and brother how much you love them.

Be kind and cordial to you mom but, stop letting her problem rule your life. Okay? Pm me if it gets too much for you. We can talk it over....

Have as blessed of a day as you can!

JEG325

[Sunshine425 in reply to JEG325]

John you are so compassionate. Thank you so much❤❤ I will messege you soon.

[JEG325 in reply to Sunshine425]

I view you as a good friend so of course I will worry about you and try to help. I'm awake right now and my sweetie is asleep. I feel a little lonely and vulnerable at those times. I would like it if you pm'd me.

Hope your evening is going well!

[Dolphin14]

Dreamer

What a tough situation. I agree with all the advice you have been given.

Sounds like your step mom is very ill. Thats a stress on your entire family.

After reading your other post about your day with your dad, I would suggest more times like these. It gives everyone a chance to get away. You have the opportunity to support each other through quality time together.

You can't change her. Move on with your wedding planning. Don't let her illness take that away from you. This is a special time in your life.

You have come a long way. You see things very clearly and through mature eyes. If choices have to be made I think you will come to the right conclusions.

[Kkimm in reply to Dolphin14]

Great response

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I will PM you. Sorry I wasn’t on site yesterday to get your PM. We’ll talk more then. Lynne

[Sunshine425 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

It is ok! 💕

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Dreamer720, this situation must be so difficult for you. It is so good to hear that you feel supported by members of this caring forum. Remember that we are here for you.

Thank you and best wishes.