Need Guidance

My 19yr old daughter is battling depression. Unfortunately for me I found out a couple of months ago when she tried taking her life. It has been very hard coping with her recovery. She just finished a 45-day group therapy combined with psychiatric one on one counseling. Right now is after care if she wants to continue. I have been pushing her to get a part time job to help her keep her mind busy but she's so afraid of being around people. I feel frustrated seeing her do nothing to help herself. She stays home, gives her younger sister rides to college or other places and plays video games. I've come up with ideas to do things together with me, but doesn't want to 😢😥 how can i be of help?? She just doesn't open up to me😔

16 Replies

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  • Hi what a difficult situation for you and your daughter. You sound a very loving mother and I know you are trying to do your best for her but the last thing you should be doing is to 'push' her into something she isn't yet ready for. Think of it as a broken leg - you wouldn't be telling her to get a job or do other activities until it is healed would you? I(t's the same with depression. You can see a physical injury but with mental health it's invisible.

    She is hopefully starting to heal but it takes time. I would try and get her to take up the offer of after care as this should further help her. Try putting forward suggestions rather than plans and assure her if she feels bad then she can come home. Try little things first ie a short trip to the local shops, having a friend round etc.

    Recovering from mental health problems can be a long process and it doesn't happen overnight. Don't put pressure on her to do things but gently encourage her instead. If she feels you are being supportive and have some understanding of how she feels, then she might start opening up to you more.

    There is lots of info on the net about mental health issues so do some reading up on it and this will help you deal with it.

    Do you think she would come in here and talk to us direct? x

  • Thank you coughalot2 this is what I need to hear, you sure give me good guidance in showing support to my daughter. I so appreciate your reply 🙅🏻✌🏼️

  • You are more than welcome Jil. You have got loads of other replies as well. I think you are a great mother and your daughter is very lucky to have you. x

  • Hello Jill, I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time and the worry is dreadful for you. Please encourage her to use this forum for support.

    I have messaged you privately.

    Chloe

  • Hi

    Depression is hard for everyone. The person who suffers from it really is as confused as you are and doesn't know how to help themselves either.

    Sometimes it's hard for them to talk to loved ones and say the dark things that are in their minds.

    I know you want to help her, but please don't try to push her!

    It's good she's gone to counselling as speaking to like minded people who art family is helpful.

    Don't forget depression is something we can't control and just creeps up on us, we have to try to work it out. She might just be taking things in that she's heard and getting stronger and better in her own way. She has to feel ready to try things in her own time. Someone said to me once...think of all the starving people in the world etc...that just made me feel like a bad person and not worthy to be alive.

    Support her as you have been, but please don't push her. Show her you love her and respect her without smothering her and one day she'll hopefully feel strong enough to maybe just go for a coffee with you. Baby steps and a day at a time.

    I do understand that as a mum you want her better and out enjoying life, but it will take time.

    Good luck and best wishes.

  • Fibropop Thank you for your reply, your advise means a lot! I will definitely slow down and not be pushy....definitely have to be patient and show my support ❤️✌🏼️

  • You are welcome, but please don't forget that it takes time.

    Good luck and best wishes to you all.

  • If you're in the UK Papyrus helpline may be useful. Voluntary jobs should be easy to accommodate her, charity shops, the food bank. You can get lists online.

    Staying at home and spending too much time on the computer (like many of us), is not good

  • Goldfish_ thank you but we're in Caifornia. I will look into local volunteering, good idea✌🏼️☺️

  • I love my family but I could never speak openly to them about my depression. Coughalot gives good advice and Chloe has sent you a message. I hope something helps.

  • Toci Thanks sweetie. Wish you well and I'll keep you in my prayers. I never even thought of Anxiety or Depression being so serious until it happened to my Lovely daughter. Since then I feel for everyone suffering from this disease. ❤️✌🏼️

  • Is she taking any antidepressants? Excersize also helps, endorphins are the bodies antidepressants. You can't always talk your way out of depression, you just are for no good reason. I'll pray for her.

  • copasedic Yes she's on 150mg Zoloft and 100mg Buspar. I hace tried to encourage her to join the gym with me as I work out 5-6times/wk and she doesn't want to. She's been eating not good but more like binging that she's gained about 10-15lbs in a couple months. Then I catch myself coaching her on her eating and asking her to work out constantly that I feel am being pushy. I am just so concern, as her self steam has gotten worst. All she does is stay at home and play video games , how can I not feel frustrated and helpless. My daughter had a hard time making friends in school, I just thought she was very timid or shy. But it was more getting isolated as yrs went by, yet her grades were always Excellent. I was blinded I guess 😔

  • Do let her know how much you love her just as she is - overweight, unfit, antisocial, whatever else - she needs you to love the child inside. Good luck.

  • Hi again, don't forget we're all different and she needs to get to the place when she wants to do exercise and help herself. Pushing doesn't work.

    I was very shy at school and it wasn't until I was about18 when I became more body concious and sociable. Is she interested in music or anything?

    Maybe if she was getting her a musical instrument or something would help? If she got interested she might want lessons?

    Good luck.

  • Going for walks is good as is any exercise. Socialising will help if there are opportunities. Trips out, trying to find hope and purpose for a future

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