Help Please

Help needed - I have been clinically depressed sinceand live in tthe death of my Son in 1983.

I had to have a change in my medication recently and so far we haven't found another one that helps. I am in so much psychological pain, and feel like life is not worth living, does anyone have any suggestions, I am 65 and live in the UK - I can't face even another day like this.

12 Replies

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  • Hi Brileo,

    Welcome to the community. It is completely understandable that the death of your son would have such a huge effect on your life and your mental wellbeing. Did you receive grief counselling at the time? I'm so sorry that you lost him.

    Why did you have to change your medication? Have you told your GP that you are feeling worse? I never realised that the reason I became so ill was because I was on medication that wasn't suited to me. Once I was prescribed new medication I noticed a lift in my pscyhological pain. After a couple of weeks it significantly eased. I was given some medication to help when I was besieged with overwhelming anxiety and mental pain.

    You have already survived what I think is one of the hardest things to survive. You can survive this.

    Lori

  • Thanks for your reply, I saw my GP again yesterday, this time my Hubby came with me, GP prescribed another anti-depressant, but that won't kick in for at least two weeks, I am not sure how to get through them.

    My only Son was 4 and died very suddenly, whilst we were in another Country, - I was never allowed to grieve, just had to get on with it.

    I am not suicidal, but I do not want to be here, hopefully that will change soon, I love my remaining family too much to leave them with the kind of all consuming pain that I have.

  • I'm glad they have prescribed you something different. I have lost four close family members within five years, and although I'd managed to survive through it, I reached a point where I couldn't push it down anymore.

    When I was switched from one medication to another I held on to the hope that I would feel less pain. I waited for it. I was given diazepam for when the anxiety got too much, but that was very much a short term treatment. In my case the only way I got through it was by getting through it. Does that make sense? My husband was my carer, and he would take me to new places for a walk. Distraction is a marvellous tool if you can force your mind to do it. Mindfullness can also really help you to defuse from your thoughts.

    I think you need to be given the chance to grieve. You can talk to me about him if you want to. You can tell me the good and the bad. I think you would really benefit from some talking therapy though.

    Lori

  • Aw Thanks Lori, I may take you up on that.

    I plan on going out for a walk this evening with my Grandson and his pokemon go -

    I have also been prescribed 2mg diazepam tabs (just yesterday) took 2 yesterday and so far managing without today.

    I have also contacted a therapist re cbt, so hopefully change is on the way.

    I can empathise with you re the loss of family members. A number of years ago, my Hubby and I attended 8 funerals in the space of 3 months, some friends, some family

  • It sounds like you are doing so well. My husband enjoys Pokemon Go. I like that he drags me around while he does it and I get to visit new places. I hope the weather is nice for you.

    It's good that you are managing without them today, but don't push yourself too hard. Sometimes it is a relief knowing you have something that can help, and other times you just need a little bit of help.

    Wow, you have been very proactive! Can CBT therapists deal with grief?

    That sounds like a hellish three months. I've pretty much been surrounded by cancer, pain and death over the past six years. It takes a toll.

    You are clearly motivated, and as one of our community members said to me, my money's on you.

    Lori

  • Thinking of you hugs Paula xx

  • Hi Bri, I am 69 and live in America. I'm going to tell you some of my story, hoping it will help you.My younger brother died almost 4 years ago, it is still as fresh as if it happened yesterday. It changed me mostly because of his attitude and the way he died. If you can even imagine a happy death, his was.I was holding him in my arms, telling him how much I love him and that it;s okay to leave,and all the people who would be waiting for him.There was no dramatic moment, but I suddenly saw a form almost cloud like start to leave his body it came out through his head ,gathered into a mass and slowly dissipated.My brother's body was then a shell, there was nothing of him there. I understand this may sound crazy or creepy, but it was beautiful and reassuring to me.If you believe in an after life I think it helps but either way your grief is never really gone I find I care more about the people in my life and try to make them the focus. I have been depressed since then , there are other reasons also, but I notice the more action I take to help myself the better I feel.I did go through grief counseling I highly recommend it

    You cannot measure grief, but losing a child has got to be the worst thing to experience of all. I am so sorry you have had to go through this. You can still have a good life in spite of your loss. If you want to talk to me just pm me. Pam

  • I am also in the UK. So sorry to hear this. Pm me anytime. I love Pokémon go BTW.

  • But you've managed for over 30 years and don't want to upset your family so it's keep on keeping on. Looking after your ifamily and yourself .

    Maybe a referral for psychology, keeping active etc

  • Hi

    I'm so sorry for your loss and I know it's hard!

    I've had several miscarriages and although I feel lucky that I have never had a still birth or lost a child I do understand how you feel. I have also lost 2 cousins who I was very close to at young ages. My Gran had a daughter who died at 5 from diphtheria, she never got over it and just kept going. She just kept saying she was going to see her when she died, she lived until she was 94. Grief is different for everyone, but the common thing is it is heartbreaking!

    Do you ever get over it? I don't think you do, different people find different ways to survive it. My Aunt for instance has joined a spiritual church and has found that has saved her and made lots of new friends. Each to their own.

    I hope that being on this site and getting lots of support helps you a bit and that the new meds kick in soon.

    Have you tried hemp oil? I have depression, anxiety, OCD and health issues that means I'm stuck at home a lot. I take hemp oil tabs off of amazon and find that they help me relax a bit, I am also on antidepressants.

    Is there a group near you for people who have lost loved ones?

    Do you have any hobbies?

    I do feel for you very much and hope that you find some help soon and feel better soon.

    Don't be hard on yourself.

    Take care and my very best wishes. 🌸🌺

  • Hi brileo im sorry you seem to be in so much pain for a long time ! Have you ask for grief councilling even after all this time it may help you ! I lost my mother in september and im finding it hard i have anxiety and depression but i try to help others if i can ! Have you tried samaritans they may be able to help you or point you in the right direction please give it a try and you will get better soon god bless you. David

  • Hi I find it interesting you say you have never been allowed to grieve. It's never too late to do this and I think it might help you, even such a long time later. Have you thought of going for bereavement counselling? It might help you to work through your grief and start to feel a little better. x

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