I'm not really sure why I feel like I do. I'm at rock bottom and when I look back I now realise I haven't been myself for quite some time. I feel like I have just opened my eyes but opened them to late. I have been with my boyfriend for a long time and the past 9 months havnt been great. I found out he had a gambling addiction and with that the lies came. I feel like I blame him for how I act (not trusting him, insecure, needy..) but I contradict myself because I can see how horrible it must have been for him. Being how I have been has pushed him away and things he has done I hate him for. But we are still together as we love one another .. Or at least I hope he does and he's not just with me because I am depressed. I feel rock bottom and I feel he abandons me as he gets annoyed with our time always being negative due to my depression but I just don't think he realises exactly how I feel. I feel alone, embarrassed ...and annoyed on top of that because of what I have put up with for him. I'm not happy with anything in my life right now but when he's not on my side I don't really see a life. Any one have any tips ? I'm ashamed to talk to my friends because they all think I'm so strong and I can't communicate with my boyfriend because it just pushes him further away. Help!