I am so angry with myself. Why do I have no self control? Why cant I damn remember half the stuff I do when I'm like this? why do I have to mess EVERYTHING good I have up through these idiotic choices I impulsively make?!!! Absolutely fuming at myself.
Should I put my relationship on hold? I adore my partner but I cant hurt him this way. I hate myself so much. I actually cant look at myself in the mirror. I've gone back to cutting myself. Another thing to let myself down on. Why am I doing this?
I don't see a way out of this mangled mess. I feel my life is gunner be like this until I die. I cant cope with that.
Would it be okay if I pack my bags and leave for a few weeks? Leave a note explaining everything to my partner. I'm such a bad, horrible person. I'm not only ruining my own life but other peoples and I don't want that. I don't want to hurt anyone, it's not what I intended.
Please, can I disappear off the grid for a while?