Right now I'm in self destruct mode. I don't feel like I can cope atm. Noone cares if you're not stood on the edge of a bridge threatening to kill yourself. I phoned the Leeds IAPT and they said that someone would be in contact with me in 1-3 days because I didn't want to go into hospital again and I only got a letter through the door for an assessment on the 8th of April. Abit crap to be honest. I feel completely fobbed off when I phoned them 2 weeks ago. Can't even phone me to see of I'm okay or to speak to me. I just don't know what to do or think. I feel like I'm a burden on everyone in my life. I want to quit my job and disappear. I'm so fed up in not feeling myself and not being able to help myself. 

My best friends and partner put themselves out to help me and cheer me up but nothing works and I feel like they're gunner give up on me if I don't cheer up soon. I'm sick to death of this feeling I can't seem to shake myself off and feel good about anything. 

I might just go to hospital and just tell them I'm gunner kill myself because that seems the only way out of this black hole.

2 Replies

  • Hi

    If you are in Leeds try Dial House. It's on the Internet. It's a charity run by people with lived experience of mental illness. You can talk for an hour on the phone and can go and be with people. The waiting iapt service is doing the best that it can but yes it is a long wait. People do care. 


  • Hello,Lauren, quite a lot of us care about you although we don't know you. You are not a burden on everyone and I would n't let the deficiencies in our health services make you feel you don't matter.

    The NHS as you know is pretty stretched and particularly so in mental health and support services. This is not good for people like yourself ( and me sometimes ) who need some help desperately but we have to live with how it is. There are a lot of good people working very hard in it,

    I'm glad your partner and friends are helping. They won't give up on you. What you have is an illness that can't be just shaken off but which you can help beat. Lots of us have been in that black hole and come out ,most of us several times. You will too. and eventually ,I hope sooner rather than later it will happen.I promise you,  Keep telling your friends and partner that you really appreciate their efforts and they are helping. Its difficult for them too , trying to help and seeing not much effect so encourage them .all you can.

    It would take pages to write all that would help so let me just say try and find a sympathetic and listening GP. Don't touch recreational drugs and be wary of alcohol. Keep good sleeping r(egular hours)and eating habits and research all you can (lots on the web) about depression.

    You will beat this and emerge happy but in the end although friends and the medics are invaluable it will be mainly down to you and your courage that you recover.


You may also like...