Advice please

Hi all.

The love of my life for 20 years suffers terribly from depression, OCD , low self esteem and anxiety.

This l have discovered from reading Dorothy Rowe's book "Depression- the way out of your prison".

Tablets have not helped him .Drinking to excess used to but caused other problems, particularly for me.

l did not understand, l do a little more now. l also realise now that my reactions to his behaviour probably made his pain worse. l am a quiet person. He always talked a lot but this increased over the years . He could talk non stop for hours. lt drove me mad. He appeared selfish, putting his needs first and seemed unaware of mine. l did not realise he was "fighting for his life" -from the book.

As a result we split up over and over again. This probably made his insecurity and anxiety worse.

Now , apart again, he does not seem to want me in his life . l've learnt now that he has so much to cope with , l probably add to his problems. l love him so much and feel guilty for not understanding . There is so little understood about mental health issues, and everyone is different too. l wish l had read the book years ago and would recommend it to those with a loved one with these issues.

With or without me , he is a great guy and l wish he could find peace and relaxation.

Any advice anyone ?

4 Replies

  • Hi there and I'm sorry that your feeling guilty. Please don't beat yourself up,

    As none of us are responsible for anyone else's mental health. You probably

    Did your best anyway.

    Living with someone with Depression s hard, and it's up to your ex partner to

    Find the help he needs. You too deserve a life and you also need someone

    There for you.

    I think it's easy to look back at the progress of any relationship and wish we had

    Acted differently, or understood, or been more patient, that's pretty normal. But

    Try not to blame yourself for the breakup. Just encourage him to get help.


  • Hi Hannah

    Believe me , l've tried to get him to seek help and that's all l can do.

    Thanks for your support.

  • He probably doesn't trust u anymore or maybe his insecure because maybe his been hurt in the past and he doesn't trust you but always help him and look after him as he will appreciate it

  • Hi, yes he has been hurt in the past. He already had these problems before l met him.

    l just probably didn't help by not understanding what he was going through, but who can completely ? Everyone is different. lf he wants my help, l will be there for him but cannot do any more than that.

    Thanks for the advice.

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