Why do I feel this way?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.

I just feel under so much pressure for every angle of my life. I am currently undertaking my a levels and the only constant factor in my life is this thought of self harming. I know how it can affect people and just can't help but wonder whether it will be any help as a relief from the stress of school, friends and the constant expectation to be someone who I'm not. No one will understand if I did self harm as even though I have contemplated it before I never went through with it. My family would be so ashamed. I just need a release somehow but everyone would be so disappointed in me but what else is there? Just don't know here to turn.

Every night I listen to music as it I the only way to help me go to sleep and find some sort of escapism from the inner turmoil and it may sound pathetic and no matter how many times I talk to my friends and they claim to feel the same I just don't they truly do realise the depth as to what I mean why I say that I am truly struggling, contemplating numerous different scenarios as to how I can hurt myself.

6 Replies

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  • Hi Elle please don't hurt yourself or even contemplate it. Do you have a school counsellor? Can you talk to them?

    Some of this does sound like normal teenage behaviour when your hormones are playing havoc with you and you are half a child and half a woman. I still remember my teenage years with horror.

    This sounds like it has gone a bit further than that though so you need to seek help. Can you talk to your parents or another loved one? Seek help please and don't go down the route of self harm as it is very addictive and hard to come out of.

    Let us know how you get on please. Bev x

  • Will try and find a solution, music or a counsellor at school. I listen to a lot of music at the moment actually and find the escapism quite helpful so I think I will be okay right now. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It has helped dearly. Its nice to talk to someone who will not judge.

    Take care. Ele. X

  • You are welcome love. It can be very cathartic to share with others can't it even if it is only online? No one will ever judge you on this site and we all understand depression. Take care. x

  • Hi Elle, I agree with Bev please don't self-harm it doesn't solve anything and will only add to your problems. Unfortunately, I know. :-( But, fortunately for me I caught it in time to ensure it didn't get out of control or I get to the stage where I caused myself real harm. I know have learned better ways of dealing with those days when I don't know what I am feeling or why or what to do about it.

    I also agree that you need to find someone to talk to about how you are feeling. If you can't talk to your parents you could try your school counsellor if your school has one. What about an aunt or uncle you are close to or possible an older cousin that you are close to.

    It is really tough going through exams, developing into a woman and dealing with all the external expectations and pressures that are put on teenagers. Your friends will be feeling stressed as well and some may not being showing how stressed they are.

    It is okay that you are feeling under pressure and there are ways that you can learn to control and understand the pressures. Listening to music at night to help you sleep is a good idea. Setting up a good sleep routine will help. Mine includes no electronics in my bedroom and I switch off my computer and don't answer my phone an hour before I go to sleep, only thing I allow is music. I try to go to bed at the same time every night and I also ensure that my bedroom is tidy and clean so that it's a nice place to relax and rest.

    There are a lot of good programs available with regards to stress control and I would suggest checking what is available in your area. The techniques that you will learn will be good useful life skills. I know the thought of learning even more at the moment sounds daunting but it will be worth it.

    Please, please, please find someone you can talk to and don't be embarrassed about talking to a counsellor they are there to help.

    I hope this helps.

    Keep listening to the music. I could mention so many other techniques that I have tried, but I do believe that you would be best speaking to someone personally to find what will best work for you.

    Remember you are not a lot.

    Take care.

  • Thank you, I find music actually really helps. Will seek out help and try and talk to someone through school and see if that relieves any stress. I appreciate the time that you have taken to reply.

    Take care yourself too. Elle. X

  • No problem, let us know how you get on.

    Take care.

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