Okay, here goes. I don't normally post anything on forums as I don't know where to start but I've been inspired by others on here to do so.
I'm 36 and have a pretty good life but have been struggling with depression and anxiety on and off for about 8 years now. Previously, there have been obvious reasons for this - such as a break up with a long-term boyfriend or workplace stress and bullying but this time I have no idea why - I wish I did!
My life is good - really good - I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love to pieces - we bought a lovely house together last year and should genuinely be really happy - he tries to support me but I know it's tough for him as how can he understand it when I don't?!
I also have a good, well paid job and got promoted recently so can't be doing too bad - yes it can be demanding and stressful but I know I'm good at it. I wouldn't say I love it but it's certainly not that bad. Unfortunately, the depression and anxiety have got so bad recently that I kept having "breakdowns" at work so now I've been signed off. I'm not sure yet whether that's better or worse! It's good not to have the additional pressure but it's bad having nothing to get up in the morning for.
I recently lost a few stone and should be really proud and happy with how I am but, instead, I'm now binge eating, slobbing about, feeling sorry for myself and hiding away in my pyjamas - ruining all that good work! Instead of eating healthily and getting some fresh air and exercise! What's wrong with me?!?
I really do have nothing to feel miserable about but I can't stop feeling depressed and anxious. I am really struggling to understand why I feel this way - perhaps I'm just "that type of person" but I never used to be.
I recently started Mindfulness Meditation and spent the first half an hour of the session crying - and have no idea why!
My boyfriend is away for work this week and that's made it really tough. I think I probably rely on him too much. Since he's been away, I've hardly left the house and just sat around feeling lonely and sorry for myself - and eating....lots.
Today, I am going to get off my fat lazy arse and do something nice in the fresh air instead of feeling sorry for myself!
Thanks for listening xxx