Depression and grief

Hi everyone my names eve and this probably the millionth time ive written a post but ive yet to hit submit and speak to the world maybe this time i ll be brave :) i was diagnosed last year with depression, although suffering with it for a few years, i finally bit that bullet and realised it wasnt normal so i went to the gp and got put on citalopram. I suffer with chronic pain, like most ive had my good days and bad days, ive tried coping with work and college and family life, but with work causes pain and with pain causes depression and tiredness and with those, it causes my brain to just switch off, which leads to a non existant family life, cos ya put yaself in that little black bubble, just before christmas i had a bit of a meltdown and finally realised i couldnt keep up with my life, so i left college and took some sick time off work, with not causing myself pain with the physical aspect of working i was able to take things easier and not force myself to endure the pain to be able work and with that my mood started to lift.

4 weeks ago i was on that line where ya not quite sure how ya are, i got a phone call to tell me my brother had died suddenly and i went absolutely hysterical i scream cried which i have never done in my life and i thought i was going to break, once id phoned all the family to let them know, things just didnt stop, after that night i didnt cry again and was kept busy with preparations ect , it took nearly 3 weeks for the funeral to arrive and that whole time was just spent clearing his house ect and doing everything that needed to be done, in that time though i realised i felt nothing ( which is not unusual for me when im low) but to feel like that when someone close has died to me is just ridiculous, the funeral came and went and its been a week now and still i feel nothing, is this normal with depression or have i totally switched off ???? have i done my crying or when this wall comes down will i break down ??? i know im over thinking things but its either that or not think at all, it very frustrating not being in control as im sure everyone knows and with everyday things you cope in whatever way you do but this is a first for me having depression and grieving i dont know what im supposed to do . its a strange world when the only feelings you know you have is guilt for not feeling what your supposed to.

9 Replies

  • Hi Eve how awful for you your brother dying so suddenly like that and I am not surprised you are finding life so difficult at the moment. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and whatever you feel or don't feel is completely normal for you. So please take the pressure off yourself. No one knows how they will react when something likes this happens - some people (depressed or not) will feel numb others will cry continuously and most will do both. The important thing is to let yourself go through the grieving process however it affects you. It might hit you later rather than earlier so be kind to yourself and be your own best friend. You are normal.

    Welcome to the site. We are a nice friendly supportive bunch and we will do our best to help as much as we can. You have taken the first positive step so congratulations and stay with us. Take care. xx

  • Be kind to yourself you have suffered a loss and that can take some time to sort out.

    When the funeral ends and possibly you will have awake when all is over many people feel flat and the healing I feel begins then. Sad to say there is no hard rules on how long it will take to get over it as I am very cold when there is a death and I will not grieve when people I know die. So we are all different and I can understand the feelings you suffer from. Given that I am unable to relate to other people or family members.

    Good Luck, Keep a hold


  • Hi Eve your very welcome to the Forum, I'm very sorry to hear about your

    Brothers death. That's was very hard for you, on top of Depression.

    Depression can numb our feelings totally so just accept the way you are with your

    Grief, we all react differently to different things. You have been through a lot

    So treat yourself very gently and maybe get a bit of Bereavement Counselling

    If you feel you need it.

    Hannah x

  • Am so sorry for your loss ...good advice from previous replies .i was going to say , be kind to yourself ....if you think a lot it's hard not to think everything over and over ...I do too ...and have driven myself half crazy ....don't feel guilty for how you do or do not feel were struggling before and this is a real blow ...and hard to comprehend for anyone who is well let alone someone who is suffering depression ....take it hour by hour ...offload on here ... You will get support and understanding ...sending you love and strength ...loss is an awful part of our lives and we are never prepared but you've had a shock too , really hope you have some good people around you ...happy to p.m you if you want let me know xxx

  • thanks guys for the good advice i def appreciate it xx :)

  • I'm pleased you've posted Eve. It sounds like what happened came as such a shock that you did indeed "shut down" as a self protection mechanism. This is fairly common with grief I think and because you were depressed in the first place having to cope with this would have been too much for your system so it is trying to protect itself.

    Do give yourself time and try not to think about you should be feeling under normal circumstances as the circumstances were not normal as you were already struggling when it happened and it was unexpected also. It doesn't mean at all that you are in any way a bad person or wrong for being like this.

    You may need a little gentle nudging if you get too enlocked in the denial and depressive phase; maybe consider going for a bit of counselling in a few weeks time if you feel yourself getting too stuck like this but in the meantime just accept that it is your mind's way of trying to take care of you in this situation.

    I'm very sorry to hear of your loss Eve.

    Gentle hugs to you,

    Gemmalouise X

  • Hi Eve

    My Mum died 24 days ago and for the first 8 days I carried on as if nothing was wrong. I went to work, went to a party, chatted on Facebook, had lunch with friends. Reactions from friends ranged from people saying I had no heart, to advising me what my inevitable breakdown would look like.

    It was on day nine that someome in work made a comment about wishing her Mum would wash her clothes for her. I opened my mouth to laugh, and instead I said 'I wish I had a Mum,' and that's when I started the slow and very strange process known as grieving.

    It's so hard and I do understand what you're going through at the moment, I really do.

    Lucy x

  • I remember when my dad was very ill in hospital and I still went to work every day regardless. One day in the smoking room I found myself laughing and crying hysterically all at the same time. When he died I was numb for a while then angry. It's all very strange isn't it?

    Bev x

  • Be kind to yourself, grieving is a different thing for all of us. Perhaps talking to someone might help. Either way, stay in touch and take care of yourself. Regards Lorna

You may also like...