How do you deal with a neighbour with issues?

I live in a semi in a residential area with wife and a (nearly) two year old. The house had been empty for about six mo ths before we bought it.

When we moved in w net our neighbour. He seemed bit off, but harmless.

Then one night we started to hear him agressively Fing and blinding through the walls. Unsure what to do, we just left it. It tailed off.

One day, my wife went to the car to go and pick our son up from nursery. Next door came charging out and started screaming at her. I went out and calmed things down. He started to cry. He can't cope with any sort of noise, he can't afford to move. He has huge list of problems.

We aren't noisy people by any stretch of th imagination. Things calmed down a bit. Then the shouting through th walls started again. My wife is scared; I don't want to have my son upset by him.

What on earth do I do? Approaching him may set him off at me, I dont want to call the police...

Help!

12 Replies

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  • Hi there I'm just wondering if this is the right site for you.

    To be honest I'm not sure what to say. You sound like a calm type so

    Stay calm. You could always contact Citizens advice Bureau, see what they

    Advise.

    Does this man live alone or does he have family? I think you might have to be

    Firm with him as this treatment of your wife by him is unacceptable.

    Could you go to his House with a friend of yours and tell him that you

    WNt this bad language and screaming to stop, or you will be forced to contact

    The Police.

    He sounds unstable to me so be careful in case he attacks you. Not being

    Able to tolerate noise is no excuse for his behaviour, we can't go on behaving

    Like a spoilt child having. Tantrum. So it's time to be firm with him.

    Yes your quite right, and if I lived nxt door to him I would be scared of

    His behViour.

    Hannah

  • not easy, the other neighbours may have some more info, though they may be a bit biased.

    After six months of nobody next door, even normal family noises might upset if he is sensitive, I've been lucky that my neighbours have got the t.v + music-centre at the opposite side of the house, and i've done the same.

    He may seem scary, but if you can have some contact with him, even if it is the usual chat about the weather your neighbour may feel more relaxed. and not see you as "invaders"

    Practical things like keeping the chain on the door might make you feel safer.

    do you have family / friends who could be around on days that your wife is feeling particularly tense herself, if she also has bad-days?

    I'm not sure how you go about alerting the local health-provider that someone's mental condition might be deteriorating?

  • Yeah this is a depression site so I am not sure we can help you. But I will try. Does he rent or own do you know? If he rents try and find out who from and contact them. If owned he must have family if you can find this out. I wonder if he is a 'care in the community' case. He sounds like he could be schizhrenic or something. If he is he probably has carers. It is very scary though and I appreciate that. Personally I wouldn't tackle him but would contact the police to see if they can help.

  • Goodnight Cough.

    Xx

  • Kind of makes sense why the house was empty for six months. Trade lives for a bit if you want?

  • It sounds like one of those Neighbours from Hell types. I would be scared myself.

    Cough is right, don't tackle him Alone.

    Lucy get yourself off to bed you little night Owl. Good night and talk tomorrow.

    Xx

  • maybe contact your council

  • Not sure if your still here reading these posts as there have been no replies but here goes. I would try and find out as much as I could about him, once you've fielded the neighbours, if he has a regular visitor maybe one day you could take them aside and say your concerned about this mans wellbeing, could they shed any light on the situation.

    Tred carefully once things get truly out of hand with a neighbour it can impossible to track it back, calm it down. You want to move forward not backward.

    Then if it turns out he's just difficult you can try and build a relationship with him and in his calm state negotiate times when you can be noisy (not that Im saying your noisy, but when he perceives you to be noisy). Ask him what he hears, ask if you can come in and listen for yourself, assess the noise first hand. Then maybe you can both come to a compromise.

    Gardengnomes right maybe he sees you as invaders?

    Lastly if you can maybe plan to move, maybe this isn't the house for you with a small child in tow. Last thing you want is for you and your family to be unhappy, even if it comes to that you and you cant move right now maybe you can plan to and just knowing its temporary could ease the situation.

    Oh and finally...after my lastly....and you may think 'I' am crazy but since you cant lose anything maybe try meditating.

    Imagine a lush green field and a beautiful brightly coloured playground at the top of a small hill. See the path leading up to the top of the hill where there is a set of 2 swings. Enjoy the stroll up to the swings, feel the sun on your face, breath the clean fresh air, feel your heart sing and smell the sweet aroma of wild strawberries growing nearby. As you sit on the swing feel the real relaxation and enjoyment of this peaceful park.

    Then see a man coming up the path, it's a familiar walk as he strides up the hill. It's your neighbour, you feel nothing but calm and his face is expressionless. He sits on the seat next to you and you both gently sway. Then you both stop swinging and turn to him and say....." I want you to know how I feel....what Im worried about.....when I next meet you in the street or at home, I want you to greet me with kindness and openess, I want us to get on...I want you to be well and happy and I want to be well and happy....and I want us to resolve any problems easily.

    Now you may have to do this several times, even if after this he greets you with a kind hello in real life, but it does work. Thing is under all this flesh and blood we are spirits, thats our life blood if you like. If you can directly speak to his spirit with your spirit well thats when the magic happens.

    Check out the spiritual gurus, Deepak Chopra, Oprah, Shakti Gawain etc and see how they get connected. If you're a practical man, a go getter maybe Anthony Robins is more your style but all these people believe. Find something that works for you.

    You have achieved something monumentally amazing having a 2 year old, giving a little person life, love and home...a small matter like a pesky neighbour shouldn't be a hurdle for a man like you :-)

    Good Luck

    And though Im not overtly religious in the traditional sense...God Bless X

  • Hello

    You could contact the Police, although that will be a little bit heavy handed. It might be the best way as they would be able to talk to him and refer him to His GP etc. You could refer to the local Council the Environmental dept will check for noise etc.

    One thing you have not mentioned is your attitude, are you causing any stress to Him he may feel aggrieved with you if you are in any way causing him grief. If that is the case you will be advised to discuss and come to some form of agreement.

    When a person is ill we all need to try and understand where next door is coming from. It would seem His condition seems to be caused by next door ?!!. He seems to be wanting to move so you should ask yourself where His condition is coming from.

    Our old address was surrounded by people who were causing grief to all and sundry and we were glad to be forced into a situation we find ourselves in now, we managed to get away from areas problems. We had to go back and we realized how lucky we are now with neighbours etc. So, possibly you and next doors need to liive and let live. Remember in many cases it takes two to tango.

    Not all can sell up and move. or LET

    BOB

  • Hello

    You could contact the Police, although that will be a little bit heavy handed. It might be the best way as they would be able to talk to him and refer him to His GP etc. You could refer to the local Council the Environmental dept will check for noise etc.

    One thing you have not mentioned is your attitude, are you causing any stress to Him he may feel aggrieved with you if you are in any way causing him grief. If that is the case you will be advised to discuss and come to some form of agreement.

    When a person is ill we all need to try and understand where next door is coming from. It would seem His condition seems to be caused by next door ?!!. He seems to be wanting to move so you should ask yourself where His condition is coming from.

    Our old address was surrounded by people who were causing grief to all and sundry and we were glad to be forced into a situation we find ourselves in now, we managed to get away from areas problems. We had to go back and we realized how lucky we are now with neighbours etc. So, possibly you and next doors need to liive and let live. Remember in many cases it takes two to tango.

    Not all can sell up and move. or LET

    BOB

  • --- one more thought, check with the neighbours about who lived in your house previously, had the previous owners created grief in the area? And to him in particular?

  • IF he is causing you or any family member "alarm and distress " - then you SHOULD phone the police - they have a duty of care to notify the local mental health people , who in turn have a duty of care - to do something about it - the important words here are "DUTY OF CARE " mention this and it works wonders in many cases - i have a neighbour who has MHP and tends to go off on tangents - and have had to act as a "social worker " to him at times ( he turned up here one day carrying and axe - because of noisy students upsetting him - but i am big enough and ugly enough to handle him if needs be )

    my suggestion is to contact your local social sevices dept - explain the situation to them ( and remind them of their "duty of care " ) - also phone the police on the emergency line - and inform them of ANY incident that alarms or upsets you - this is a job for social workers to sort - and you shold NOT have to suffer because social servics and other statatory bodies are not doing their job - if all else fails - you may have to get a restraining order against him - but hopefully it wont come to that

    anyway thats just my OPINION - you must decide how to proceed - but you do not need to suffer alone

    hope it all resolves

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