Son off to Uni - How to cope without passing on my issues

[muffintop67]

So my Son is off to Uni next month. I struggle with anxiety and depression and I feel he has tendencies towards these too. I really don’t want to pass on my issues if I can help it but finding it really hard. He wasn’t given his first choice accommodation so isn’t really happy about it and it’s taken the excitement away from going. I am so worried how he will cope and just not sure how I will get through next 4 weeks before we go and have to see what the accommodation is like. We have to pay a lot of money for it and for him to not be happy I am finding it really hard to stop thinking about it all. I just wish he had been allocated the one he liked and then we wouldn’t be feeling like this. How can I try to be positive and encouraging when all I want to do is keep him at home and not have to deal with these issues. Anyone gone through the same and have any advice I would be very grateful. Thank you.

[Hidden]

I don't have any advice to offer other than either he will be ok or he will come back home. If that happens maybe he should consider going someplace closer to home. That's what I did, I knew that I would end up leaving school if I went away so I stayed home and commuted to a school that I could access by public transportation. If that is not possible, maybe he could eventually transfer to the school he really wanted attend later. I know it's hard not to worry but you can't know what will happen, just let him know that you support him no matter what.

[muffintop67 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply 😊

[DEAPEA]

Hi I have been in the same position and it all worked out in the end. My son didn't get his chosen university and subsequent accommodation due to being just 1 mark down in his A Levels so he had to go to his second choice university which was in a different city in a different part of the UK. At the time I cried, was anxious, depressed etc (in private) and thought it was the end if the world at the time. I managed to pretend it was an exciting time for my son and we talked about how he was feeling about going, he was apprehensive about the change but still looking forward to his studies. I made him promise to keep talking to me about any problems or worries he may have whilst he was away and away he went!! My anxieties subsided after a while and I knew he'd be ok. 10 years on I can say he's not looked back since going. He had a great time and ended up with a good degree, he now has a well paid job which he enjoys and a house, family etc. Its quite normal to be anxious about your son going and 'flying the nest' just keep communicating and you'll both be OK. And re accommodation, this usually only lasts a year anyway so he'll be looking for an alternative for next year with new friends etc. Good luck to him in his studies etc and hope you manage to cope with your anxieties, these things usually work out for the best in the end. Take Care.

[muffintop67 in reply to DEAPEA]

Thank you so much for your reply. We do have quite a good relationship so will make sure we keep talking. So glad to hear it all worked out fine for your son too. Thank you for your advice 😊

[Hidden]

muffin

Try not to worry that you will pass on your Mental Health concerns, You cannot pick up the problem from a sufferer.

I can understand how He feels with regards not getting the flat He wanted, however in the future He may get it, next term etc All He needs to do is keep an eye on it and if may be available late. Yes it will be an uncomfortable worrying time for Him He is entering a new period in His Live, hopefully when He settles his moods will lift and will get on with His studies

The period of time can be problematic for Parents as well, so you need to move on as well and be brave and understanding of each others needs and expectation.

It will hopefully get better when He makes friends at Uni, and will settle. You need to also move on and consider filling the gap left by your Son moving on.

BOB

[muffintop67 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply 😊