Hello all I've not posted on here for a few months. I am ready to have my baby girl I'm a few weeks and have spent the last moths concentrating on trying to stay healthy medication free!! This as been hard work. I have been physically poorly with all types of different pregnancy related stuff all the way through and mentally this as taken it's toll at times. I know this post is going to turn into a big rambling mess but I feel like I have so many emotions running around inside me that my head and chest can't keep up. I'm so scared to talk to anyone about them because I don't want people to think I'm not coping when I am I just feel like rubbish and subdued. It's in my maternity notes that I have had to stop taking meds due to my pregnancy and does anyone realise how differently people/ midwives treat you when they read this so how could I speak to them. I feel like I have cut everyone off I exist every day and go to bed every night (not with much sleep) and do the same the next day. Me and my husband are just a million miles away from each other. I feel like we live in the same house pay the same bills and look after the same children but that's it!! I think he's fed up with the situation but no1 wants to upset a pregnant depressive do they?! So he carries on everyday doing the same as me plodding along. I try to talk to him but if I do I feel like I'm putting on more pressure and it's pushing him away even more. I should be so happy excited and "blossoming" right now but I'm far from it. I don't feel like I have the enthusiasm for this beautiful little lady that is going to come into my life that I have had for my other children and that's just not right at all!! Everything is wrong and I feel trapped I have no idea how to make changes!!!
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