Since I was about 14 (I'm almost 19 now) I've been feeling depressed on an off, roughly a month about but sometimes it'll be 'feeling down for 2 month, okay for 1' etc. It never seems to be a steady period of constantly feeling depressed or feeling alright.
This years probably been the worst so far. I was stressed out with my college exam back in April because it determined whether I got into uni or not. I felt really down the whole of March & April but perked up a bit in May & June because I was off for summer. I got a bit weighed down with money worries etc over July & August and I was spending a lot more time in the house and crying a lot. I went on holiday abroad in August with my friends and had a great time but I still found myself in the hotel room crying about random stuff whenever my friends went to the shops or the pool etc and it was stuff that you shouldn't even be bothered about that much, nevermind on holiday.
Since coming home I felt so down but I assumed it was holiday blues and got on with it. I started uni in September and also increased my hours at work and since then life in general has been a nightmare. I love working at the moment because I love my new department I'm in so I actually look forward to going there (I think it's the only thing that's keeping me going in general). However, I hate uni with a passion. I don't know what it is, I'm quite clever and I do like my course but I can't find any motivation and I'd much rather spend the day in bed crying for everything under the sun before dragging myself to work at night. I would leave uni if I could but I need to go whether I like it or not.
I'm supposed to be there now and, no surprise, I'm lying in my bed writing this instead.
I think I need to go to the doctors but I find my symptoms weird because I feel so depressed just now but then I'll go to work and be fine, probably be quite happy. It's the same when I finally go to uni or go out with my friends I actually quite enjoy it but its the bit before that stresses/depresses me so I don't know if I have depression or not. I'm so confused and just so fed up feeling this way when it's been about 5 years so far. Thanks to anyone who reads this, I know it's really long x