help me

[natxshaaa]

is there something wrong with me or am i just making things up? for the past 4 months, the thought and feeling of wanting to die has become more and more prominent. i know i won’t actually kill myself right now but the idea of just ending everything has me intrigued. i’ve tried burning myself with a cigarette a couple of times but nothing too dangerous. it’s just, sometimes, these thoughts inside my head gets too overwhelming and i have no idea how to control them. i feel like there are two versions of me. the one that it is always happy, talking to everyone and constantly making jokes and then the other side of me which i hate. the one that has bad thoughts screaming inside her head and feeling so shitty and worthless about herself. i’m tired of feeling this way. i’m tired of feeling confused. i’ve had a couple of minor anxiety attacks and i’m afraid that one day, i might just explode and there’s no way of saving me then.

i’m not diagnosed or anything because i’m afraid of going to the doctor and wasting their time when they find that there’s nothing wrong with me. please help me and tell me what to do.

[football_1]

same here....i need some kind of advise..........life sucks.....i want to do something interesting...

[Holly-]

Hi...you are describing everything that I feel. You would not be wasting the GPs time. Please go and tell them honestly how you feel. I now take a very low dose of an antidepressant and it has really helped to calm me. It also helps me sleep which is something I struggle with.

I am now slowly regaining the ability to concentrate for longer periods of time. The feeling that I am not being the real me when I am happy is still there but I think it's about thinking that I don't deserve to be happy. That is something I will have to work on.

SoI take 15mg of Mirtazipine every day....speak to your GP it will help in the long run.

Take care of yourself natxshaaa