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Above & Beyond
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I'm new here and I need help.

So recently I met a guy at college in one of my club meetings. At first I didn't pay much attention to him, I didn't even know his name. a couple of days later he added me on Facebook and I accepted, so I added his number which was on the group chat. so he started replying to my stories and we started talking. so I started getting attached to him and getting used to talking to him. After a while he started talking less and not being the same as before so I convinced myself that maybe something is bothering him and I talked to him and asked him what's wrong, he told me he had problems with college and work and that its a lot of pressure. but since I started talking to him first he changed, he doesn't talk to me first anymore, doesn't sit with me much, and he changed in general. its really bothering me because he's the one who started talking to me in the first place and he made me grow attached to him and now he's not being the same. and recently I just feel empty because the days we spent talking were just great and now that we don't talk much anymore I feel empty and sad and that I have a lot of free time. I even cry a lot for no reason, on the days we don't talk I have this weird feeling , I'm also sad, and I get irritated by everything around me, yesterday I talked to him, but he was taking long to reply and he wasn't talking like he usually did. I feel like I should step back and get used to him being out of the picture and stop putting effort into this because he doesn't. Even if it hurts I'm gonna step back since this clearly wont work. What do you guys think ?

7 Replies

Stepping back sounds like a good idea. You're not saying you will never speak to him, but you are leaving the situation open.


Maybe you should tell him how you feel, and actually tell him what you think, honestly, see if he doesn't want to talk to you anymore before stepping back...

1 like

I thought about this alot but I don't want to make a fool out of myself. And we don't sit together as much so I can't find an opportunity to talk to him, there's always friends or other people sitting with us.


If he wanted to be with you he would be . Move on to someone who treats you as you should be treated.


Please consider taking a step back a time out ....process your feelings....

Perhaps encourage him to do the same....express what you are feeling will

help both of you ....tell him you are feeling.....leave the door open....


maybe if you step back, he'll see how much you matter to him and will come to you


Hi, fakeI44, I'm sorry to hear that. As someone who goes through a lot of stupid stuff myself, I think it's always a good idea to step back. But I think it's even better to do so with a loving understanding of how or why things happen, rather than in a way which encourages us to beat ourselves up later. I'd like to share something that I'm not proud of but perhaps it applies to this case, and I hope it'll bring you closer to that closure you're seeking.

When I was a senior in high school, I did something similar to a girl I had feelings for. I met her after school one day. We happened to be some of the last students on campus at the end of that day, and I thought she was cute, so I did something completely out of character for me and I asked for her snapchat. Weeks go by and we're texting pretty regularly. At one point I tell her that I enjoy her company and that I'd like to see her more – to my surprise (I’m not the most handsome), she takes it very well and it turns out she feels the same. From this point on, it should have been happily ever after for us, but something went wrong, wrong, wrong. Even after the hardest part was over, I managed to get in my own way. I started getting these negative voices in my head (as I normally do) telling me that I wasn't good enough, and it was all like "do you really think you deserve a girl like that in your life?" “what makes you think she’d go for you?”. I can say this with detachment now because it happened a long time ago, but I let that could-have-been relationship go to waste because I let my own insecurities and my stupidity stop me from opening up to someone I cared about. I gradually stopped hitting her up first, until we stopped talking altogether. It never got to the point where we were intimate with one another, but even so, I should have done things differently. I should have communicated better. I only hope I didn't cause her too much harm and I regret not being able to do things differently now.

My point in sharing this story is that we're so fast to jump to the conclusion that it was us who messed everything up somehow -- I'm sure she did -- but maybe your guy's sudden absence has more to do with him than it does with you, so go easy on yourself. Give yourself the love that you seek from others. Easier said than done, I know, but I hope you find a healthy perspective and I wish you all the best, fakeI44.

And for the record, no one's worth being miserable.


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