(TW: SA) SA & Finding Sexual Empowerment Again

[sunshineshack]

Hi,

Last spring I was s**ually abused by a guy at college. It's been about a year now, and whenever I go back for school I have basically no sex drive. I don't really get the urge to masturbate or take sexy pictures of myself like I used to. When I go home for the summer or winter breaks, I'll have some sex drive but not the same as I used to. I miss feeling sexually empowered. I also really miss having physical/sexual intimacy with people.

I can't help but feel really frustrated and angry; I had just got out of my first relationship and I was starting to explore more sexually. I was so ready to grow further into my sexuality and I cant help but feel like my sex drive has been stolen from me. Honestly every time I think about it I just picture myself punching my abuser in the face lol. I want to have casual sex again but I am so scared of getting in another situation where my boundaries aren't respected. He was such a nice guy and pressured me in such a non-threatening way, it made me realize how easily SA can happen and that terrifies me. Does anyone have any advice on growing back into your sexuality & how to feel safe in sexual situations?

Thanks for your time, I know this is a dark topic. Sending love to fellow SA survivors <3

[wobblybee Administrator Pioneer]

You may find it helpful to join a support group online, if you prefer not to do this in person. There are several links if you search for ‘sexual abuse support’..

This an example

myawayout.org

[sunshineshack in reply to wobblybee]

Thank you! I think I might try a support group.

[BlackIsleGirl]

Are you getting any form of counselling? I have found counselling really helpful following traumatic events and it should help you regain your confidence and find yourself as a sexual being again. You can contact charities such as women's aid to access it if you don't want to go through your GP.

As an aside, have you considered getting some self-defence leasons? Obviously I don't know what happened but knowing how exactly to punch a guy in the face to do the most damage with the least effort is hugely satisfying and is very good for the ego.

[sunshineshack in reply to BlackIsleGirl]

I'm currently in counseling & starting to do some sessions on the trauma, I'm excited to see how it helps! And I'll keep self defence in mind, I'm sure knowing how to throw a good punch is pretty satisfying LOL. Thank you!