Pregnant and confused !!: I’m just weighing... - Women's Health

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Pregnant and confused !!

bnee110 profile image

I’m just weighing all of my options now , this is all new to me . I work now (just got a full time job) and I’m about to start doing some side hustles on top of working like selling my art, transcribing online, selling things I own, etc, and Im going to keep it if I have it and do the best I can and try my hardest. I wouldn’t be able to give my child up for adoption, I would hate for my mom to have given me up. She had me at a young age as well and she did he best she could do I’m really going to try. I have an appointment Thursday with the doctor. I’ve been thinking a lot and I believe I can do it . I just have to try and I also feel like having a baby will make me view life differently.. I just want to be able to give them everything they need but I don’t have family who is stable , and I have no money or support myself . How do you provide for your child if you can’t even provide for yourself ? How do I sustain making money when I have no one to watch my child, or even help me . I’m not in contact with the father either . Thanks for talking to me too as well this is helping me see different angles ❤️

11 Replies

As I replied in your other post babies are expensive, if you have no money or support how are you going to afford child care while you work ?

bnee110 profile image
bnee110 in reply to bantam12

I had no clue I posted this twice haha I was just trying to edit what I said because I messed up. And idk, I just keep hearing “don’t abort!!!!” And “don’t kill the child” and it’s getting to me sorta . Like I need to keep it and do what I CAN DO. I just refuse to do an adoption as well, id rather have an abortion now at like 4 weeks than to give my baby away when it’s alive and when I’m really attached . I will not do that .I don’t want to stay getting funded by the government my whole life . And I also don’t want to work a 9-5 and become a wage slave just to BARELY get by. This is just so hard . I’m just figuring it all out (trying) and getting as much advice and help as I can . Thanks for hearing me because I honestly just need to think about it a little more , I just need all the advice I can get ❤️ I’m honestly trying

Cooper27 profile image
Cooper27 in reply to bnee110

A 9-5 job isn't that bad! I work a pretty standard office job. I can't say I'm passionate about what I do, but it's enjoyable enough, and I like the people I work with. I choose financial security over financial stress on this one. It's not a bad thing! It's rewarding in so many other ways if it keeps some of the stress off of your family...

Whatever you decide, you will have to live with your decision for life, so take a deep breath, and then find out if there are unbiased counseling services for women in your position. Only you can decide what is best for you and this baby, but sometimes talking things through with someone who is open to whatever you decide helps. One other option that is becoming more common is “open adoptions”. In an open adoption you can maintain a relationship with the child. If you decide to go that route you would usually work through a lawyer. The adopting parents usually would be involved in supporting you through your pregnancy in various ways. Be sure to check out references for the lawyer and his/her agency carefully, read all documents thoroughly, and perhaps have a friend go to any appointments and read documents as well if you go that route.

Thank you so much I needed this, I really appreciate you and thanks for the advice, I’m definitely going to keep it in mind ❤️🙏🏾

One of my closest friends adopted his son through an open adoption. His son is the joy of his life, and the adopting couple feel no need to compete with the birth mother for their son’s love. It is an amazing answer for some people. I have several other friends who were unable to have children of their own, whose lives have been made complete through the ability to adopt.

There are programs to help support those in your position who choose to keep their child. Sadly, several of my friends rushed into marriage, and ended up raising children alone, because the marriage was never right. They have been wonderful mothers. I don’t know how they keep everything balanced, but they do. Some are now grandmothers, and wouldn’t change one minute with their children (well, maybe diapers, the “terrible twos”, and letting go when their children were ready for the next phase of their lives).

You have options. Don’t let anyone tell you that the only right thing to do is ________. What is right for them might not be right for you. You will be in my thoughts while you work through all of this for yourself.

I appreciate you so much, thank you for all of this because I love the advice and the thought that goes into it all. Thank you 🙏🏾💕

BadHare profile image

Do you have any local support groups that could give you help & advice, put you in touch with other people in your situation, etc?

I The UK, there's an organisation called Gingerbread for single parents. There may be a version in The US that can help you find support.

Have a chat with your midwife there is a grant to help get essentials before baby arrives. Go to your local church also they have support for new mums and point can you in the right direction and most have baby banks. Also they give you that much needed emotional and comfort at this time. New life is precious seek help people will help you don’t need to be alone. Go on google look up churches around you I’m sure you find a caring one. Bless you

Hello bnee110,

I’m so glad you found this place to reach out to. Not many people try because of many reasons, but I’m happy for you because this is a start to know how to get help. All of your worries are valid and so I’m not even going to minimize any of them. However, know that it will not be like this all this time. The struggle is real, but help is also everywhere, just take it one step at a time and be open to resources. It doesn’t mean that when you’re seeking for help and receiving them that you’re any less, because you’re not. Remember that money is not everything for a child, we need it and it’s necessary, but it doesn’t replace love, affection and building your child’s character. Every child is a gift from God and that’s not a cliché’, but a fact. You have been blessed with a wonderful gift that not many women are fortunate to have.

I had my daughter at a young age of 18 and I myself did not know what to do, esp when my parents disowned me and the father left to another country after they all found out that I was pregnant. I was homeless, but a friend’s family took me under their wings even if it wasn’t an easy journey both emotionally, physically and financially. I had to do what I had to do. There were days I didn’t have anything to eat because my friend’s husband ate the food I saved for the day. There were more bad days than good days for me back then, but I encourage you not to focus on the bad days now and ahead, but always keep your eyes on the true north (the good days) when all of your sacrifices will pay off. During my time, I didn’t have that much access to resources compared to now, so know that you are blessed in this time around because there are great resources out there and community of people that will come alongside you during this journey. My daughter is turning 25 this year and I’m happily married to a godly and family man with 3 more kids of our own. I’m grateful to have kept my daughter, raised and loved her the best I can. Not perfect, but it’s the best I know how and she loved me back and even more than I could ask for. Remember, your story isn’t over yet and there’s always beauty behind every ashes that comes our way. I do suggest that you surround yourself with positive people that will lift you up and not tear you down. A community of people who cares about your well being as well as your baby’s and will walk alongside you during this challenging time in your life. Mom, know that this difficulty you’re going through will not be forever. There is a great future for you and your baby and I’m excited for what lies ahead because I truly believe that your baby will be a blessing in your life. One day, when all of this is in the past, your child will be very grateful to have you as his/her mom because you never gave up on him/her. Remember, there’s a lot to look forward to with this new chapter in your life and in the life of your precious bundle. The best is yet to come. I will be thinking about you.

Here are some resources:

I'm sure your mum, assuming she's still around, would be happy to help you. Have a chat with her about it and maybe you can come up with a plan. Also. ask your employer if they have any care facilities for employers children, as some do. Good luck.

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