Women's Health
9,689 members1,168 posts

Fear ‘altruistic’ helpers! the smoothest way of making you defenseless!

My husband and I are at the stage of building new communication with one Ukrainian clinic which we gave up to work with two years ago. The way offered by clinic seemed too difficult and expensive. We tried to save some money and time. All the services that could be given by agency we have replaced and decided to pass through everything on our own. We found a surrogate, found the doctor who conducted fertilization and so on. Throughout the whole term of pregnancy, we were sending money in order to maintain control over the process. And as a result we lost the chance and all the time, bunch of money, and our faith died eventually and unfortunately. The surrogate mother refused to give us our baby. She didn’t sign up papers securing absence of her rights on our baby. We had too poor legal awareness to draw up an agreement between all the parties. It was a punch that we’ve hardly endured. It was a price we paid with for being crafty. My husband has smashed the newest i-phone we bought for her into pieces. We dove into hell. No one can bring those days back. It’s our biggest loss and an example of silliness you’ve got an occasion to learn from.

We are now O.K. Eventually and at least we already describe those days without embarrassing. I swear I hate that creature called a female. Blast her! It’s not good and pretty ignoble from me. As my husband teaches me we have to accept our fault and keep going on.

Why am I writing all this? I want you to avoid scams and frauds. Don’t try to save pittance. Sometimes it brings a total defeat guys. It’s better to have difficult relations with your agency than find yourself devastated in an alien country where your enemy has more rights than you. thank you. I hope you are doing well! love and peace xxx

15 Replies
oldestnewest

If a book falls on your head, you can only blame your shelf

Reply

but what if your shelf falls down?

Reply

Hi, Rumble-Oldie, I'm sorry to hear that your story has ended like this. You had lots of courage to start this process all on your own. and if you could make it almost to the end, you have good managing skills.

My sister also had surrogacy in Ukraine 3 years ago and one of the reasons she chooses this country is good legislation system from the point of view of IP. As I understood it back then, surrogate mother can't keep a baby to herself or maybe I got it wrong and there are situations when she can.

Anyway, this is disgusting. I can't even imagine how it feels to have your baby grew up by someone else and not even being able to influence it. I hope that this woman could understand this and change her mind.

1 like
Reply

She was hard as the concrete wall and talking waffle. We actually couldn’t get anything from those talks. She didn’t speak English or any language fit for conversation. I found her as a woman which were really angry with this bloody world. Awful story – got no words even now!

The worst of it is that I DO NOT KNOW whether my baby lives with that body or my sweet child has been accepted to the orphanage. We’ll be continuing our investigation along with our fertility program. I am afraid of an accidental encounter with that creature. I guess after such meeting I’ll go to jail as a horrible murderer.

Reply

So maybe there is a chance for misunderstanding? Did you have an interpreter with you?

Reply

So so. we had got an interpreter among locals. It was a quite young girl about 22 years old just after university. I can’t say she was superhelpful. Unfortunately, her English was less than ideal.

She didn’t give us a lot besides her desire to communicate. I‘m actually sure that our surrogate didn’t share important ideas or even had something important at all to say. She isn’t a smart one but smart enough to cheat on us.

Reply

Are you still in touch with your surrogate? Maybe all your need is a better interpreter?

Reply

Of course, No! It was hard to keep in touch even when we loved her and prayed for the best life for her.

It’s not so. Those troubles didn’t depend on our interpreter. She did her task and hit some money. We don’t have complains. Not a big deal. We’ll surely choose the facility providing only the highest level translators this time. But you know that’s not a priority at all. Because the medical part and the legal part of this business are the most serious things that are worth focusing on

Reply

For the surrogacy, you have to have IRON clad contract. And it doesn't matter what country it is as this is controversial and morally difficult subject for all parties involved including judicial system.

You don't have to have agency but you need a damn good lawyer to avoid situation like this.

In all honesty, I don't know how you didn't see it coming. Nowadays every other person tries to scam one way or another.

On the other hand if it's of any consolation: Ukraine is pretty poor country and in constant conflict with Russia. Half of the population migrate for work every few months to Poland, the other half live in poverty. Her being now single mother to a child from unknown father will make her long term life financially very hard and difficult.

Good luck, put it behind as a lesson.

1 like
Reply

Oh Gosh. This damn lesson is with me forever. I hope We’ll never get into such trap again. I’ve got a bad taste in my mouth while thinking of all that.

I can't say anything generally about Ukraine as a country because I’ve been in Egypt and in middle Russia and seen how poor people could live. Ukraine didn’t look so miserable.

I heard and read about kind of war between Russian and Ukraine , however, I didn’t notice anything related to military situation there. Maybe because I myself was dragged into a conflict.

And another thing which kills me is that I definitely don’t know my baby’s fate and where my baby is right now. It makes me fuc***ng cry. it brings me tortures

1 like
Reply

OMG! Indeed? It was too risky from a very beginning. I know you don’t want to hear this again and again and you needn’t this at all. I wish you to overcome these blurred pages. Different unpleasant things tent to happen but it can’t be calls mistake. You had only good intentions. I don’t blame anyone who was a participator of those days. Please, I believe the future wins will bring your calm and confidence. You don’t have any options but to continue moving on – good luck dear!!

Didn’t you think to choose another country (maybe Georgia, or Greece, or the US) instead Ukraine that disappointed your family?

Reply

Hello, thank you. No way! we wanna finish our program in Ukraine. That nightmare shouldn’t damage the reputation of whole country because in spite of that we lived through Ukraine have lots of happy-end stories of different people. But who knows?

I can’t let myself be so polite to that bi*ch snatching my future. I don’t wish her good health and etc

Reply

That’s clear dear. Don’t forbear from it. You’ve got a right to be angry with that woman.

Just do not let this anger distract you from real life and real plans.

I hope this attempt will really become successful for your husband and you and you’ll have nothing to regret.

Keep us posted on your news if we’re still on this forum

Reply

No, actually, I don’t let anything distract my attention. From now and until the day I'm able to take a breath my life will be dedicated to our greatest goal.

This time we want to get everything better than It was before.

On 1 March we’ll have an initial consultation in one clinic and maybe it’ll give us an impulse to move quicker

I want to forget this story because it’s taking us down!

Reply

What will it be there during your initial? Are you completely sure in that?

Anyway it’ll be the beginning of spring perhaps the best time for getting the new life started.

I think now you’re doing everything properly and that will bring lots and lots positive stories soon.

Wish your good luck!

Reply

You may also like...