dyspareunia...: So I have suffered from this... - Women's Health

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So I have suffered from this on and occasionally off for the last 4 years....

At the beginning I saw a gynaecologist who basically said I had Vaginismus and wasn’t really helpful or sympathetic to my discomfort I was to ‘man up’.

I tried extra lube...by the ton, and vaginal dilators...after months of perseverance the pain subsided enough to make things ‘bare-able’ but recently I’ve spiralled backwards so off I went to see a different gynaecologist...

I had my first appointment a couple of weeks ago where we touched on my history but it was clear she had read my previous notes as we barely touched the basic details before she moved us onto the internal examination & swabs, she asked me to book an ultra sound followed by another appointment with her 8 weeks later...but she already seems to have decided that my answer is in phsycosexual counselling.

Now my anxiety has become an issue again recently & I’m struggling to control it...however going through this pain again is bringing me down, I’m fed up in general & getting more depressed all the time...my gp prescribed me antidepressants but I could t get past the side effects so I’m back on my own.

I am trying ‘Head space’ app when I have a few minutes....I’v booked a reflexology appointment as the can help pain & tension...I’ve even considered hypnotherapy....online I’ve round another ‘tool’ called vagi-wave but it’s £60!!!

I’m literally at my wits end & really struggling with day to day mostly because of my dyspareunia...

12 Replies

I’m not 100% sure whether they go side by side....my dyspareunia started around the time we had quite a serious car accident...but my anxiety was more under control then...i have lost control of my anxiety since my other half has been diagnosed with a heart condition...so possibly related to my dyspareunia getting worse again...

But alongside my dyspareunia I have completely lost my sex drive full stop...which is just making everything worse 😞 almost like there’s just an ‘off switch’ someone has unplugged/disconnected and no matter what I try I cannot reconnect it.

I have around 5 weeks until my next gynaecologist appointment, where I hope to voice my thoughts on it being hormone related and hoping they atleast agree to running tests.

In the mean time I have a ‘counselling interview’ which I’m not looking forward to, I didn’t get on with counselling as a depressed teenager...I’m doubtful I’m going to get along any better now...or be able to fit it around my 40 hour working week.

Thanks for the reply’s I’ll research Maca some more...I did try ‘makka green tea’ as I read that was supposed to lift the libido...but sadly noticed no change...it’s just beyond a joke now.

Hello Little_Miss_IBS ,

I would say much of your problems are made worse by stress and worry. If You have experienced a serious car crash it is not surprising you are left feeling weary ,tense and anxious in its aftermath. Likewise , If you are worrying about your partner's heart condition . This would make relaxing and enjoying even the thought of an enjoyable sex life much more difficult. Have you thought about having a calm question and answer session alongside your partner and his doctor to reassure you both that sex with a heart condition is possible even recommended as long as you both take care? Perhaps talking through you fears following the car crash may help you gain a better resolution and move on?

Medication to ease depression and anxiety is notorious for having the side affect of lowering the libido and sex drive. Taking them may not be very helpful to you in the short term?

I suggest you be kind to yourself and try to open up to your partner and friends how you are struggling. We are not machines it is normal to experience low sex drive following a loss. Try and take your mind off what is making you anxious by taking time out to do something you and your partner enjoy together? Go for a walk and take a picnic to a local beauty spot , If that appeals? I have found that doing something energetic can ease fears and anxiety and promote calm? Try and do more things that give more contact with others and most importantly, is FUN and ENJOYABLE. LONELINESS INCREASES ANXIETY in many people.

Good luck and best wishes!

Thanks for the reply spzgirl51...

We spend atleast 1 day at the weekend either in the country side or along the coast walking the dog & or looking for various birds...

I have literally tried everything....I have tried talking to a couple of people but because they can’t imagine it its kind of a conversation killer....& the heart hospital sent us away with various leaflets including sex life etc..

Literally keep hitting a painful dead end

Hi Little_Miss_IBS ,

I completely understand your frustrations. Leaflets handed out at a rushed medical appointment do very little to calm fears following a new diagnosis of a long term condition. Without want to sound too nippy , I was hoping that a candid chat with a knowledgeable heart expert might give you more confidence in what you can happily undertake in your everyday life and your sex life with your husband . Finding humour in the most difficult times in our lives can do much to erode tension making things seem possible again.? keep on keeping on but laugh and have fun too?

Best wishes xx

And hear ear marks exactly why I stopped pursuing a cause & cure for my problem last time....

No medical practitioners are overly helpful once they can’t find a quick diagnosis....

& I barely have time in my week to fit in a run for myself...let alone find time to sit in a quiet room & meditating without my moms wandering off to everything else that needs doing...


🙂 You had a serious car accident, has no-one considered PTSD🤔 There are several causes as you probably know for Dyspareunia, and one of them is Psychological Stress. Stress can be at the root of many a problem, and there’s no easy fix, and if you factor in chronic anxiety too... The best course of action might be to speak with an experienced sympathetic Counsellor, rather than persevering ‘hit and miss’ on your own under very trying circumstances 🙂

I know you had a bad experience in the past with this sort of thing, but times have changed, and attitudes are totally different when it comes to Counselling. Try one to one at first until you feel comfortable with the situation, it might just open a flood gate 🙂 Have a frank chat with your GP about recommendations. Best wishes 🙂 xB

I am trying to look into the physcosexual counselling as mentioned by the gynaecologist....however apparently they are very sparse in my area and the google recommendations are either incorrect or not reply to my emails...so not having a great deal of luck unfortunately 😔 x


At your next appointment with the Gynaecologist mention this. If Counselling was specifically recommended he/she should be able to back this up with a link.

When exhaustive tests come back as negative it’s very frustrating, it’s adds to existing stress and anxiety, and certainly won’t help IBS. Complimentary therapies have their place and can be useful but they won’t get to to root of the problem.

This isn’t going to be a ‘quick fix’ situation, and in all honesty you’d probably benefit from a mild antidepressant to raise serotonin levels if nothing else. Get over the fact that it may take a few weeks to adjust, you will feel better able to cope and make positive decisions 🙂 xB

The gynaecologist said my gp could recommend a counsellor however the place she recommended said they don’t cover that type 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I tried antidepressants however they made me unbearably nauseous & dizzy to a degree I could cope with & I can’t afford to take time off work to get over the side effects. She said I could try beta blockers for anxiety if I wanted but I’m trying herbal options like calms/st johns wort first. X

wobblybeeAdministrator in reply to Little_Miss_IBS

🙂 You’ve had a lot of advice, hopefully after weighing it all up there will be a positive outcome. Best wishes 🙂 xB

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