Heartbroken/abortion/loss to my sweet angel and boyfriend

[DreL23]

I’ve been struggling a lot lately. I guess I can make this short but my boyfriend well now ex wasn’t the best boyfriend as many can say. He was the opposite of what a boyfriend is. A liar , cheater, manipulator, backstabber...you name it that’s him. I have a sweet and believed he can better himself but then again he never listens to me. Only to others(girls) but besides the backstory now u know. He was horrible to me and I let him hurt me so many times within the 2 year life span of this relationship that’s now just dust to be collected. Last year a couple day before Christmas I found out I was pregnant and tbh my heart was scared and I was afraid of the outcome of my life I was thinking of not wanting to baby. Although I realized how much this child was to me. When I told my ex. He was scared but “excited”. Arguments after arguments. On Christmas Day...knowing I’m suffering with depression. He made a mistake I felt like made me go down this dark path. He threaten me to abort the child and send me money and said if I didn’t abort the child he would cut my fingers and tongue. He said he was drunk but ik when he gets drunk and his words never slurred or misspelled. That made me worry the future of my child. What topped the cake was when he told me he would take my kid away from me or how he wished he could be with someone who’s happy to have this child....WHERES THE SUPPORT. YOU KNOW I HAVE DEPRESSION. YOU BROKE MY HEART SO MUCH WHY KEEP GOING WITH THIS. Then my friend told me to lie to

Him and used his money and the money I have to get an abortion. Ofc ik ur going to tell me I am the dumbest person for this but I had no one at the time. No one to tell me it’s ok I felt alone and asked help but all I heard was abort it abort it abort that’s all I heard. With the money I saved I did the worse I did which gives me nightmares and moments of silences as my face are covered in tears. I hated what I went through. I felt like I betrayed god for this gift of a child. I lied to my that I miscarried but after a month I told the truth. He was angry and I respected it. But then after all the hateful words he starts asking for sex. Felt like after the break up he asks for sex then changes his mind and make an excuse. When I tried to pay him back he told me to not worry about it and then told me I was nothing to him. It’s only been a month since the break up. Ik I should move on and forget this toxic person. But if you were in my shoes u had no idea how much I loved him and how much he meant to me but the asshole he is...probably think I’m worthless and recycled. I just wanna get thoughts and opinions on this...just wanted to say it out loud and hear what others think of my situation. Just going through a tuff time especially since I’m still in college and my ex was a highschool drop out and thinks college is nothing but a waste. If u want to judge me I understand. I am known for being stupid when it comes to love....

[josephinef]

Dear DreL,

Please don’t blame yourself for what you’ve done. I’m surprised you expressed yourself so beautifully in your post for a “stupid person”. Please don’t look at yourself in that way. Why would you ever give this drop kick a second chance. Move on with your life. Look towards your future and not at the past. I wish you all the very best with your studies and future. Take care of yourself. You are still so very young and you will meet someone that will treat you as you deserve to be treated. You have been so brave. My thoughts are with you.

Kind regards, Josephine 😊🙏😊

[wobblybee Administrator Pioneer]

🙂There is a specific community on Healthunlocked that is a safe place for those affected by anxiety and depression to talk to others who truely understand. healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

[DreL23 in reply to wobblybee]

Thank you for the recommendation. I’m kinda new to this.

[wobblybee Administrator Pioneer in reply to DreL23]

🙂 There are over 700 Communities on Healthunlocked, it’s often worth browsing the list to see where you can get the most appropriate support from people coping with similar problems. I hope the situation resolves, best wishes.

[Cooper27]

Reading your post, I think you know the answer already.... You've given us many reasons why you shouldn't be with him, and I think you need to listen to yourself.

The relationship doesn't sound like it has a happy future ahead, but his hot/cold attitude is his way of undermining your self worth, so that you'll stay with him because you don't think you have any other choices.

I'm sorry for what you've been through

[DreL23 in reply to Cooper27]

It’s hard to listen to myself when it comes to love. I don’t understand why I let myself go through pain. I know it’s black and white that he’s a terrible human being but it’s like a part me has this sweet heart and believes he can do better but after the abortion he treated me like a sex object to nothing but a waste of memories. Even though I should’ve known better I just feel that he will come back. I know it’s a very dumb thought but I just can’t understand why I feel this way. I just wish it would fade so I can say he’s nothing to me but I just can’t and it’s hard to move on since I also went through abortion and that thought still hurts the most.

[froggymom88]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know it is painful. Please know that God still loves you and wants to bring you healing and happiness. You are broken right now due to all the suffering from the abortion and painful relationship with your bf. Before you do anything else or make any important decisions, you need to heal spiritually and emotionally. It would be a good thing to seek some professional help to start the healing process.You can contact 855-382-5433 to get some advice from a counselor over the phone. I am sending you a big hug and many prayers.

[DreL23 in reply to froggymom88]

Thank u sm for the response. I’ll give them a call when I have the chance, I’m just very caught up with college and hopefully transferring to a university. Ty for the support

[froggymom88]

Hugs.

[Hidden]

One your are not stupid He is Two get away from him.

He is the one with the problem.

I am not a doctor but he is making you depressed. And are you going through to a doctor so what I heard is that you still have the baby. You need to take care of yourself not him you need to get out of there and keep going to college for yourself And your baby.

Please don’t listen to him if you are still pregnant the only two people in this world that are Important are the you and your baby.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF.

Good luck 👍

[DreL23 in reply to Hidden]

Well unfortunately, I went through an abortion and no longer have the child with me. It’s hurts having to go through it because it feels like I’m throwing away God’s greatest gift. I was afraid what he would do to my child. I didn’t want to put it in adoption because my heart was attached. I was just afraid of what my child would had to go through and I just fell in a dark whole and was looking for help. Finding a safe place where my child can be and then I felt that the child needed to be in the hands of God then enter to this terror of where I was at during that moment. My pain still reflects of the day I abort my child. I miss it so much, but I knew how bad it would be if I continue to have this baby. I know my ex very well. He’s not the calm type and will do anything to destroy anyone or anything. Im still afraid of him to this day.

[ssdw1958]

Well you know your baby is in Gods hands, but for you since you are calling him your ex I hope that means you are know longer with him. Because you are a strong woman and you know longer need him.

If you have family or friends that you can talk with that would be a good thing. You need too remember you are a very important person and you need to be around people who care about you.

Keep STRONG get back into your studies.

Keep smiling I say it keeps people guessing as to what is going on.

ssdw1958

[DreL23 in reply to ssdw1958]

Thank u so much for your support. I am trying my hardest to be myself and be happy.

[Hidden in reply to DreL23]

Remember everyone has struggles and don’t let someone anyone tell you different if everyone was perfect this would be one boring world

I had a neighbor (he has since moved) who was addicted to opioids

and he did go through rehab and has joined the military. But I was speaking to him and I said everyone wants you to go on the straight they want you to think they are on that straight and narrow. BUT I told him they are not and he listen to me when I said you have to believe in your self and do the best that you can because you have to answer to your self, not to anyone else.

So you need to believe in you don’t let anyone tell you that they know what’s best for you.

I hope I didn’t come across as someone who knows it all. Now I should be listening to my self.

Have a good weekend, keep on smiling and keep on letting everyone guessing you don’t have to let everyone know what is going on. 😀😃😃👍🌸🌷

[MsLockYourPosts]

Dre - please get the book Through My Eyes by Shari Howerton. You can get an online Kindle version for about $3.00 from Amazon. Shari went through years of dealing with an abusive relationship. I think that you would find the book helpful, and that it would reinforce your need to take care of yourself. When Shari realized that she was worth more and moved on she found an amazing life partner. They are both people I met on line. The book is a short, easy read. I stayed up most of the night to finish it, because I found it very helpful in knowing how to support a friend who was in a dangerous relationship.