Between stages and fertility events

[Ivankandsnake]

I had pretty a long history of treating infertility. All has started when I was 24 and deciding to have a baby with my husband. We were just married and no one could suggest what was expecting for us in the future. We've been trying to get pregnant for 2 years – no result at all. Ovaries have good regular function and I have regular periods. then IUI & + 3 IVF (good ovarian response, embryos survive to day 5th but always BFN), 2 recent rounds of IVF with Donor eggs - the same negative outcome. Hiii! I’m now considering my next step. My husband and I decided to try surrogacy with my own eggs because we always have good embryo’s quality and the only thing they don’t survive in me to the beta-day. It was quite a controversial decision for both us since childbearing is still one of the most important things of pregnancy and women's life in particular. I want feeling it so hard.

However, this is a time for serious and crucial steps. I’ve got no particular question. Just want you to speak a bit about such things and procedures. Be free to share your experience and tips - thank ya!

[PinkyQ]

Hi Ivankandsnake, My name is Janet. I am sorry to hear all you have been through in trying to conceive, I can totally relate. I also have had a lot to pass through in trying to conceive. Had my last child 6 years ago, and my husband and I decided on birth-control pills for 3 years and a half after that. Thereafter, we desired to have another child, and it's been difficult. We have had to visit one gynae after another, tried ovarian stimulation meds, had 2 unsuccessful IVFs, and nowattempting a third one. However, friends of mine have discussed the option of surrogacy and I think my husband and I may opt for that should this IVF fail again, but I seriously hope not. But I believe, all of these happen for a reason Ivankandsnake, let's keep hope alive, let's be patient, our babies would come at the right time.

[Ivankandsnake in reply to PinkyQ]

I’m really grateful for your sincere response. Your last words were very touching and inspiring. I hope it’ll be exactly so as you said. What do you think about surrogacy as about a method itself? Do you accept it morally? I’ve been meeting many people who had mixed feelings about it.

Being at the beginning of our all races we thought we would gain our chance after the very first attempt but life used to surprise. And now being in the same boat with those involved in surrogacy we’re ready to face unexpected.

[PinkyQ in reply to Ivankandsnake]

I'm glad my comments inspired you. Personally feel surrogacy is a good way of being assisted to achieve an end: pregnancy.

I had my reservations about it for a pretty long time until I read about other women's experiences, and how they feel so happy they opted for surrogacy. For as long as there is a mutual agreement between the parties involved, and no one's rights are being infringed on, it is absolutely acceptable. Like I said, you are being assisted.

However, I strongly believe in following one's intuition, and I will suggest you mentally accept it and feel good about it, before giving it a trial.

[Ivankandsnake in reply to PinkyQ]

Yeah if I face moments of taking urgent decisions I’ll ask my heart (or intuition) before everything else how to respond . The success of all things completely depend on my own readiness and acceptance.

Despite this I must be really sure of the medical guarantees which could be provided by the chosen clinic. If the clinic introduces itself as a huge storage of egg donors, I’d like to see their true faces and receive an accurate data. I visited clinic (for egg donation) that couldn’t let me choose a donor. Another clinic was pretty good but its preparations before surrogacy to start would take a year or so.

Like a rational person I see the advantages of such procedures as surrogacy. As well I see the most attractive destinations to have such programs for today.

I hope I’ll have progress soon.

thanks a lot and great luck!

[Rumble-Oldie]

Hello Ivankandsnaky! don’t want to influence an opinion. My husband and I are at the final preparations before start going through surrogacy in Ukraine as well. As I understood you have healthy ovaries and perhaps you’ll be allowed to be stimulated thus you can have a treatment with your own eggs.

Unfortunately, I know women (I mean “unfortunately” because they are in hazardous trap of endless exhausting treatment and they harm their body without good sense and not because I know them) which waste their years torturing their bodies trying IVF after IVF.

I guess if you’re already confident in your decision you will just benefit from that. Many clinics offer unlimited number of attempts and run the program as soon as possible.

[Ivankandsnake in reply to Rumble-Oldie]

I know Ukraine is quite a popular place =to go if you’re having prescription for surrogacy. We were calling probably 6 or 7 agencies and what? We’ve got through only twice.

Now I can imagine an approximate picture of our future communication.

As for you, I wish you to have a safe journey. Yesterday I spoke with Canadian agency and only after an hour of conversation I understood they offer us to have journey in Ukraine as well.

I think it does relate to the low costs of local procedures but the main thing is they (in Ukraine) exactly know how to hire woman to become surrogates. There’s the fastest terms of selecting surrogate mother for program among the other countries

[Rumble-Oldie in reply to Ivankandsnake]

That’s right dear.

We decided considering Ukraine not just because of its price policy.

Actually and of course we are greedy people and in money we trust. I’m kidding you not. Why should we pay 100k for program which could be bought cheaper?

And this is truth. They need the shortest time to find a surrogate. Most woman lack money in Ukraine. and they find such way out

Sometimes you have to wait for long even there.

[Mariamtorera]

Hi Ivankandsnake, I am Sandra from Texas. So sorry about what you and your husband are currently going through. Our story kind of looks similar to yours. When I got married to my husband, we decided not to have a baby until we are fully settled in our new place. I took us about two and half years to finally settle in. For those two years, i was on birth control pills. But we finally decided to have a baby the third and things got really tough for us.

we visited our gynaecologist over and over again for a period of 9 months for infertility treatments, but all was to no avail. we ran out of options, but the Doctor assured us, that may good chances of having a baby with surrogacy.It was quite a tough decision for I and my husband because all that I had ever dreamed of was to carry my own baby. After brooding on it for a while, we decided to give a shot. Since traditional surrogacy did not work for me (the sperms always die), we decided to opt for gestational surrogacy (we had to look for someone else to carry the baby).

while looking for a surrogate mother, we do not want any of our relatives or friends to help us out. fortunately for us, we were introduced to a surrogacy agency by our doctor.We were given so many option to choose from. In the end, we were able to narrow down on one with the help of our doctor as well. We painstakingly took time to go through the legal process with the help or our lawyer.

[kellyselfie in reply to Mariamtorera]

i love your comment, please can you give an estimate of how much it cost to have a baby through a surrogate mother?

[theresapaix in reply to kellyselfie]

Well it depends on your own personal budget and how much you can afford to spend.We got our own surrogate mother through an agency. we were not in direct talks with the carrier herself concerning the costs. But we were presented with various packages, we went for the premium plan because we wanted the best for our baby.

The cost varies depends on the country where you are sorting from. But in Texas, here in the State,it cost around $90,000 to 120,00 to get a decent surrogate mother.

It might cost you lesser if you do not go through an agency. But its kind of risky , i don't advice you do that. Try to consult an agency. I hope have answered your question properly Kelly?

[Mariamtorera in reply to theresapaix]

i strongly agree with Theresapaix here kelly

[Ivankandsnake in reply to kellyselfie]

It might appear at first sight that price has an impact on real quality of service or whatever like that.

In fact, all the details of treatment depend on country conducting such programs and prices depend on their standard of living. In the US you can find programs which cost approximately 100K, although some European countries provide surrogacy at the cost of 50-60k. There’re loads of differences in price policy even within Europe. But as I think the most important is to save time. It’s difficult to find a facility able to match and prepare a surrogate in short terms.

Additionally, if we’re talking about European offer we don’t have to be there beforehand. It’s possible to contact them and discus every condition of the contract when you are home yet.

[Ivankandsnake in reply to Mariamtorera]

Thank you very much for your reply. It’s so awesome to come here and see that people already responded. I attend some fertile communities. I can’t compare myself to the women of those communities. I feel stupid and they look like they survived the wars. I’m sorry for using a little rude metaphor but they are actually wise, understanding, and supportive like mothers.

I’ve been advised there which doctor I could contact for advisable consultation.

The methods to use help of people interested in the same problem seems like a tree whose brunches lead you to the result.

[Faivy]

Hello Ivankandsnake,

You ain't alone in this situation. I know a lot of women who have tried IVF and IUI with no success, after spending so much money. However, the good news is that they all ended up with their own babies. Some tried surrogacy and the others continued with IVF.

Surrogacy should be the final option which will surely work for you, but I would suggest you ensure that you have tried all you can with IVF before moving to surrogacy. The reason being that, it is usually at the end of the tunnel that we get our breakthroughs. So be encouraged, and no that so many other women are going through the same challenge as you. Instead of feeling that the whole world is up against your efforts, see the brighter side of it and preserve till your babies arrive.

[Ivankandsnake in reply to Faivy]

Oooh, thank you dear! I also think so. I don’t leave any space for doubts that one day I’ll be hugging my sweet child.

You wrote that all those stories you knew had ended up with their own babies. it gives me more confidence! Now I don’t feel alone. I’d never known the true value of human support If I was healthy and already happy. I think it’s right to accept the things as they come to your life but no one can stop you on the way of change.

I wish us all the sound health and the great days next to our loved people