Hi, I'm Jessica age 52 and feel as if this menopause is attacking me with an intent to harm! I'm the happy hold it together person or at least I was. I'm struggling with the loss of my old self the one that felt good enough, pretty enough, happy enough. Where did I go? what happened to me? I have no medical insurance so I can't seek med attention. I feel angry, hateful and miserable at least three times a day and cry or scream or both. I'm gaining weight which is affecting my relationship with my husband, he enjoys pictures and porn and my confidence is crushed. I already feel less of a woman, less of a human being. Will I survive this. Please can anyone give me some advice on what to do. He understands my pain but feels I don't have any reason to be upset. I wish I wasn't! I get confused, feel guilty for my mood swings, cry, want to be loved through it all and then again-just give me some space! who is this alien that has taken over my "used to be beautiful self"? Will I ever feel or look pretty again. How do I smile again?