I walked again today. My PT wanted to film it so that I had a record of the achievement. He offered me the choice to film it or simply recite it in my own words.
My first instinct was to say no. The obese dont want to be captured on film, we dont want to appear in pictures, we don't even like mirrors.
These things are constant reminders of what we've done to ourselves, they're visual manifestations of bad choices.
In other words they make us confront the reality that we live in. I take care to state that for some people its motivation to make changes to address concerns. They even serve as validation for the improvements made.
Some of us though need to be just as careful with our psyche as one would with a delicate crystal vase. If you're not ready to see yourself its confronting.
I know that part of the holistic approach to weight loss involves acceptance of self, social integration and taking greater part in society.
Morbidly obese tend to hide away as much as possible to avoid scrutiny and public exposure. However, improving your health and physical appearance should also involve cultivation of your state of mind as well.
So it was necessary to film myself, not only film it but watch it after to find out where it sits mentally. I found that although it was confronting, I was able to process it rationally without the critical eye I might usually have employed.
Yes it was me, yes it confirmed that I was indeed fat but in that moment, I didn't hate myself. I saw someone trying hard to better themselves and that the road ahead was long but not impossible.
As the post title suggests, even a giant leap for mankind begins with the 1st step. If I could borrow from Neil Armstrong, it was indeed "one small step for man ...."