The photo is me in May 2020 having lost a whole bunch of weight - going from a UK size 20 to a UK 14, and only 20lbs away from my target weight. I'm using it as my inspiration and motivation because, unfortunately, I ended up putting the weight back on, plus more - a lot more! Classic yoyo-dieting right?!
I first began serious dieting in 2009, the year I turned 40. I'd always been a healthy weight but I'd had a bereavement in 2006 and ended up gaining more than 6st. I didn't know it then, but I had just began a journey of starve and binge, all or nothing. A journey of becoming obsessed with food: what I could eat. What I should avoid. Counting calories, or syns, or points, or carbs. Being ruled by the scales. A journey that was horrid really. Emotionally and mentally draining.
I did have "successes". In 2015 I worked really hard at diet and fitness and dropped over 7st, going from a UK 24/26 to a UK size 8/10. I initially felt fantastic. I'd literally got my 17yr-old- self's body back. I took my kids on holiday the following year and wore short shorts with little tops... but inside I was anxious and afraid. Still obsessed with what I should or shouldn't eat. I also had a lot of folk telling me I'd become too skinny. And that's another thing: no matter what size you are, some folk will always judge you..
Anyway, back to today. I have been struggling for a long time now. Trying and failing. And I gradually realised that I was sick and tired, mentally and physically, of the whole business of dieting. So I've signed up to a free trial of Slimpod. There's no eating plan to follow. You just have to listen to this 9 minute pod every night. And keep a gratitude diary/record positive things. Also, it helps to create a goalmap/mood board (the photo I shared is part of mine because, although I have been a lot slimmer in the past, I really like how I felt on that day. It was a scary time, in the middle of Covid. But on that day, my kids and I had gone to the park and I felt light enough to climb on the equipment!
I have only had the programme since the early hours of yesterday morning, so I've no idea if it will work. But my dream is that I learn to trust my body again. That I instictively know what is healthy and what is not, and that I don't need to obsess about food anymore. Or go through mental gymnastics, to see if it's ok to have pizza (or whatever), if I go for a run. Or starve myself tomorrow.
In short I want my life back and to eat like a "normal" healthy person. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to stay in this group. But I'm hoping so because I've made some lovely friends on here.. you know who you are..
Anyway thanks for reading. If indeed you still are 😁
EDIT forgot to say I got weighed yesterday and was 16st 4
Feeling desperate!!
Utterly confused.......
Re-Weight Loss Declaration 
New to group !
